today it’s different. i dont actively want to destroy myself, to hurl myself off of something high or slice open my arms and bleed out. i just kind of don’t want to be alive anymore. i want to dissapear. or maybe go to sleep and never wake up. i’m sick of hurting. it’s like no matter what I do I can’t relieve this pressure. it builds and builds, and i can let off some of the steam but never enough to make it get any better. i’m just barely able to keep my head above water. i’m like a duck, nobody knows how hard i’m […]
Tag:
Depression
alright, it’s been a while since i’ve been on here, but, i exist still
nothing has really changed. my anxiety isn’t AS bad, i guess. I’ve been having more panic attacks though. a while ago, i talked about seeing things- and i still do. worst than before. it’s an all day thing. i always see things, i feel like someone is watching me 24/7 i feel uncomfortable all the time.
i have depersonalization disorder, but it isn’t really as bad as it was. now that i can actually deal with reality, i have come to terms that i absolutely hate my body and the way i look. […]
missed work today and i hate myself for it. i couldn’t even call in, because i could not physically get out of bed to reach my phone. god dammit. what is wrong with me?
i am so damn sick and I can’t get the treatment that i need to get better. My current therapist is useless, and has misgendered me more than once. I can’t even go to a physical doctor without panicking that they’ll make me take my clothes off.
trying to treat one thing without the other things just isn’t working anymore. i dont’ even know what i need, but I need /something/. […]
I’ve always been the strong one. The one who held others up when they couldn’t take it. I never wanted to burden others with my problems, so I tend to fake a smile and say I’m okay. I hate to be viewed as weak. It started when I was little — I was born to teenage parents who had a taste for methanphetamines. They did try to get clean when I was born, as well as three years later when my little brother came into the world. But their lifestyle caused me to take care of myself at an early age. A funny story I’ve […]
i think i took too many pills tonight. no worries–not nearly enough to overdose. i’m just a little pleasantly high.
i don’t really feel up to telling my story just now, just trying to vent. but i got a lot of shit going on. and i can’t get help for a lot of it. sometimes i think that maybe i don’t even WANt to get better. i am just so tired of fighting. and sometimes i think i will never get to where i want to be. I’m just … tired. and have a major case of the sads.
and my dysphoria keeps me up […]
Hey everyone..I haven’t posted in a while..So yeah..I found out along with my severe depression and anxiety..I’m bipolar and they can’t even diagnose what stage because of how fast my mood changes. Plus I am on the boarder line of having a personality disorder like split personalities. So I am on mood stabilizers and anxiety meds..I guess they kinda help, they just make me really sleepy is all I know..I also found out that I’m pretty much disabled from having all my problems with my mind and my nerves and all this other stuff so that is just great, I found that out today..I also […]
I’m not sure where to exactly start on this, I could go through my life story and all that to be honest it isn’t nearly as bad as what others have experienced, but i’ll see where it goes.
I was born under odd circumstances, the cord was strangling me so my mother had to have an operation to get me out. After what i believe to be a year they discovered that I was kind of deaf, so they inserted gromits into my ears to get rid of the wax and i could hear fine afterwards, but because of this i had learning difficulties. I was […]
Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of weight due to my depression. 40lbs in 4 months. I not really sure why I don’t eat. It’s not like I’m not hungry. I make a meal, eat half of it, put the rest in the fridge. The next day, I eat like half of the half and put it away. The next day I eat another half of a half of a half. I throw the last 1/8th of the meal out then. I try to force myself to finish, but it feels like I’m going to be sick if I take another bite.
Then I also get the […]
I’ve never really seen the point of self harm, but a few days ago, I started biting my hand to take my mind off things. I could concentrate on the pain instead of worrying. It just occurred to me today that what I was doing was self harm. I never bite hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to leave a red mark by the end of the day, and I can’t seem to stop. I know I should stop, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to be a burden on my friend anymore. He helped me when I was recovering from […]
I have never attempted suicide before and probably will never do that in the future, although I am suicidal. The depressing thought cannot get out of my head. Only watching people who are also suicidal can make me feel much better, because I tend to dispassionately analyze their feelings and so I become an observer rather than a sufferer.
There’s no point to live, but there’s no point to die either, from my perspective. That’s why I’m still alive. There’s no point to do anything. Suicide is such a luxury, an aggregation of  courage, ego, curiosity, perseverance, nonchalance about collective unconsciousness, motivation, liberation, freedom of self-expression, […]
Hey,
So this is my story of my Depression and search for help.
I live in London and when I made the transition to year 7 it was very hard for me as I’m not great at changes and my aunt died of cancer recently, so I started seeing the school councillor. So it was all going well and helping with the death of my aunt, but after about two year when I was in year 9 another of my aunts died this time it affected me hugely so my mood dropped, so with this I started self harming. So I kept up with the self harm. […]
Hey, I’m sixteen years old (almost seventeen) and I just really can’t cope anymore. I have no reason to live.
I’ve not had friends in years. Nobody wants to talk to me unless they want something off of me. And because I want friends really bad, I just let them use me, but then they leave. I guess I could say I have abandonment issues. I’ve been basically abandoned my whole life.
I don’t exactly have a family either. Well, they’re there, but I don’t even exist to them unless they want something from me (usually money) Which yes, sounds oddly strange since I’m only 16, but […]
Hey guys, I’m pretty new here. So have patience as I try to learn how things work. Anyway, here goes my rant/story.
I don’t remember where I read it, but referring to the title of my post, this quote went along the lines of describing depression like a cold. The good food is there to eat, but you just can’t taste it. In the same way, the good in life is there, the beauty is there, but you can’t grasp it. I can see it, I can’t grasp it. And when I do, it’s fleeting. That hurts. It’s like I only exist now to please my loved ones.
I’m […]
Hello. I’m jess. I’m fourteen years old, and I’ve gone crazy.
I found this site when I was looking for ways to commit suicide. I thought it would be nice to finally talk to someone, and explain my madness to them.
I’m going to list all the reasons why I want to end my life.
1. I live in a country that’s incredibly corrupt. I don’t see a future for me, and we’re going through so much pain right now… that I want to end it. I’m filled with rage.
2. I know I’m young, but I’ve done things I shouldn’t have and my anxiety is killing me because […]
1. So recently a girl who I saw at school for five months was killed… We hadn’t spoken in eight months…. I don’t know what to do. She was so bright and when ever I was around her I felt like it was okay to be myself because she was so accepting of me. Unlike other people in my past. But now she’s gone and I don’t know what to do. She was so beautiful and so amazing. I miss her so much and all I can say is heaven gained a beautiful angel that will be missed dearly.
2. I FREAKING RELAPSED! I hate […]
She’s so alone in the dark…abhorring herself more and more as nights go by.
Falling…
Falling…
Ever so deep into despair. The rest of the world look on from the top of her hole and cast laughs and hate..and pity.
Just close your eyes and sleep, young one, for you’ve held on quite long enough
I love all kinds of music. However there’s few songs that grab hold and this is one. I could die listening to this. Â (Not that I am, just saying)
So what would your last song be?
I wrote this a long time ago, in my teens when I was first coming to terms with my depression and feeling suicidal. This was one of the many many poems I wrote going through a really bad time. Thought some of you might relate or have at some point.
I can’t bare to go on much longer
These suicidal feelings continue to grow stronger
The only escape is in my sleep
I’ve dug this whole and now I’m in to deep
Don’t act like you know how I feel
For you see this life of mine is surreal
Still praying you hear my desolate […]
Just to give you a background on who I am, I am 21 years old, female and a college student. Â I am not expecting to find answers here. Â I just really want to be able to express my feelings to people who might understand.
Anyway, I’m not really sure how depressed I really am, but I suppose I’m depressed enough to want to hurt or kill myself. Â I had a suicide attempt a few years ago. Â (Somewhat long story that I don’t really want to elaborate on right now.) Â So I kinda know when I might be tipping over the edge. Â I’m not at that point […]
My life hasn’t been perfect to me. I get into fights with people a lot. My family likes to pick on me a lot. Â My sister calls me names all the time. She calls me a *****, a ****, a lesbian, and a dyke. She punches me a lot. Shes made my mouth bleed. I don’t know how she can be so cruel to me. She never acts this way in front of my dad but once my dad leaves the house shes a devil to me. She starts yellin and screamin at me, callin me names. Shes 21 and has a kid. She shouldn’t […]