My boyfriend and I just got in a fight. Beginning because I wouldn’t send him pictures. He got mad because I sent ONE to a kid over a year ago, as I went through my freshman slut phase. I told him it was a mistake and not to talk about. But he kept dwelling on it. I started crying because this is what it causing my pain again. People bringing up the old me and bashing on me. He kept asking why I was crying and I just kept telling him he wouldn’t understand. Finally, I reminded him of my depression, which he then reminded […]
Tag:
Depression
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so helpless and I feel like I can’t do anything right. No matter what I do, I feel like I’ve done it wrong. Does anyone else feel like this? It’s like I bully myself constantly — Whenever I make a mistake, I feel like a horrible person who doesn’t deserve to live. How can I learn to deal with my mistakes without feeling so badly about myself?
I just feel so tired and so worthless. I want to learn how to feel good about myself, without depending on the approval of others, but I just don’t know […]
I am drowning in my depression.
I am unable to reach out to anyone, because I have no one to reach out to. I have lost what friends I had because I was “a bummer to be around.” I did what I could do mask my feelings, but I can’t, not anymore.
I am writing this not looking for sympathy, but to simply tell my story, and maybe, for once, I can be of some worth.
I was raised with one simple phrase beaten into my head, I am worthless. Whether I am or not, does not matter when that is the only thing you feel: worthless. I […]
I remember when I had none
No secrets.
There were no need for them.
I could trust anyone and everyone with anything.
I had no secrets.
I had no worries.
But one day something changed.
I became older, more mature
and suddenly everything was my fault.
Have you ever had a loved one pass?
Have you ever been bullied?
Has your mother ever gotten mad at you,
and said the words “Its just who you are”?
That’s all happened to me.
Now I’m worried.
Now I have secrets.
There’s no going back to the old me.
There’s no reversing what’s happened.
There’s nothing I can do,
besides […]
Im so done. i cant do it any more.
I cant take all the sadness and the depression.
All the loneliness and disappointment.
Im tired of being the kid who gets laughed at.
Im sick of being nothing but a joke.
I just want to give up. Im ready to give up.
But im still scared.
I hate my life.
i just cant any more.
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
It was only the first time.
I spun the blade around in my hands
contemplating if I should really do this or not.
I heard my mom yell.
Yes, I should, It’s worth it.
The blade sank into my arm,
cutting across my arm.
Not too deep.
It was only the second time.
The kids at school were bullies.
My parents just got mad.
I took the blade in my hands.
I didn’t even think about it.
I pushed it into my arm,
cutting across parallel to the last one,
A little deeper.
It was at least the 50th time.
I didn’t even have different reasons anymore.
i came to SP for closure, for understanding and to see other peoples hell and see what they are going through, but i have realised. people with depression should not congregate to one site. it just seems to be making the depression worse. with so many peoples opinions being viewed it makes you realise things you didn’t want to ever think about, it makes you even sadder and lonely. i myself am normally a fan of brutal honesty, i even invite it. but this site, i just don’t know if it is doing good? or making it worse?
I snapped.
I confided in you my deepest secret.
I trusted you.
But, I was wrong to do so.
You twisted my words.
Made it sound worse than it really was.
Then, you told everyone.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were the only one who cared about me.
But, I was wrong.
You didn’t care.
Others did, but I turned my back, and now they don’t.
It was all you.
You spread the rumors.
You talked behind my back.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I showed you my scars.
I showed you what I […]
One day I was sitting on the couch staring out the window at the rain.
My mother approached me and looked into my eyes.
“Something’s wrong.” She said softly
I asked her how she knew so easily.
“The eyes are the windows to the soul.” She replied
I never forgot that day.
Another day, hears later, I met you.y
You seemed happy. Every day you woke up and put on your smile.
That’s all anyone looked for, but not me.
I looked further.
I approached you and looked into your eyes.
“Something’s wrong.” I said.
You asked me how I knew and I gave you […]
If I died today, if I finally did it, what would you say?
I didn’t know (that’s a lie).
I didn’t think she really would (that’s because you didn’t want to be bothered, to make time just to listen or help me).
How selfish (how selfish of you to be so absorbed in yourself not to at least call or to avoid me because I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be).
All she had to do was get medication (which I tried to do but cannot afford and can find no assistance programs for).
All she had to do was try harder (you have no idea how […]
i tried to kill myself. more than once actually. i was put in the hospital for 3 weeks. and while i was in there i was happy. i was that happy and excited kid i was before depression took over me. but as soon as i got out everything went back to the way it was before. my mom and dad scream and yell at me all the time, they make me feel worthless, and they make me just want to run away and never look back. My brother lives in a different city and i haven’t talked to him in a long time. me […]
Sometimes all we really want to do is shut out the world. Crawl into our bed, pull the blankets over our heads, and blast some depressing songs. I can completely relate to this. My parents say that i need to get out more and i need to come out of my room more frequently but my room is my sanctuary. It’s where i feel the safest. My blades, my “Torture Toys”, my laptop, my phone.. these are all in my room.
My boyfriend used to wonder why i dont talk much or why i look sad all the time. he didnt understand that i had just […]
I thought I was okay. I did I promise you you have to believe me this time i thought i was back to… well not ‘okay’ but stable. definitely stable. Exams and yet another unrequited love and everything and I saw an old man walking in the street and he was walking but he seemed so tired and old and he was stumbling and I started screaming in my head and I had to dig my nails into my arms to stop the throbbing in my mind it won’t stop make it stop make it stop please I can’t I don’t want to end up […]
I’ve been arguing with myself over the topic of suicide for a while now. I randomly came across this site from a Google search about suicide and felt inclined to sign up and post something. I’ll be surprised if anyone even reads this. Or comments. Or offers help.
I’m deeply, horribly depressed, and I don’t get why. I’ve never been abused. I’ve never lost a loved one. I don’t come from a broken family. I grew up in a comfortable lifestyle. I have no reason to be depressed. Alas, I am. I’m empty inside.
Although I grew up in a comfortable home, I never had […]
i remember when life was fun, it was exciting and adventurous. i remember as a little girl, sitting in class dreaming of growing up and travelling the world. i remember dreaming of the places i would go, and the things i would do. i remember dreaming of my career, and the love of my life. but now, i sit here in year 11. life seems to have gone so quickly, i walk through the hallways at school as a  nobody. invisible and unseen. bad thoughts running through my head, constantly. life seems to be a burden now, a task, something i must endure. yet no […]
I will spare you my sob story. Here’s what you need to know. I am 23, married and a stay at home mom to a 4 year old little girl. I have been depressed since I was a child. I have times where I am okay but I always end up feeling depressed more often than not. I first considered suicide around 13 years old but never really had intentions or means to do so. In my family mental disorders are not considered medical and I would be told to just get over it.
Now, present day I am more depressed than ever. I think […]
Ever since my nan died when I was 8 I’ve had anxiety attacks about death. Not about the actual dying more more the idea that I am going to grow old and the world is going to go on and I just won’t exist. Just typing that make my chest tighten and I feel like I’m having a heart attack.
However, recently I just feel like I’m never happy anymore and the world has nothing left to offer me. I have no motivation and all I want to do is sleep or do things that make me feel like I’m part of some fantasy world […]
Hi,
My username is an anagram so if any of you care to do a little word play, you can figure out my real name, but thats not why I am here. I am here to tell you, the reader, a story. A story about me and why I want to die, yet cannot achieve presently.
I was born January 25, 1987. My mother was a drunk at the time and my father was smoking crank. I am the result of a one night stand. An accident turned paternal, if you will. My very first thought, I remember, was when I was still an infant, unable to […]
Even though I’ve been on anti depressants for almost a year now, and I have had my dosage upped twice, the depression persists. It figures because it’s chronic. But where I used to feel that at least something better was around the bend, now I feel like each passing year worsens me as both a person and a functional human being.
I can’t bring myself to meet goals or requirements. I’m always tired and I rarely feel good. I’m lonely, but I can’t make strong connections with anyone. I try to reach out but it’s never the kind of fulfillment I need socially. I haven’t had […]