It’s so pointless me being here, it really is. I really am a freak and a burden to everyone. Seriously, I used to be the target and now I find a target. I’m just so freaking twisted! 6years ago I turned violent and odd, not only do I lash out randomly and harshly ( I regret it instantly after) I use harsh words against people too. I don’t get it?! Surely after being the target of all these things I would help prevent it from happening and not cause it! My thoughts arnt normal ( and there is no way that I am waiting it […]
Tag:
Devil
I wanna be strong enough.
to fight.
I wanna be tough enough.
to survive.
but even fighters gotta give.
and even weaklings gotta live.
i want to breathe, but it’s too hard.
I want to feel, but i got no heart.
I sold it,
a long long time ago,
sold it to the devil,
along with my soul.
And God won’t help.
He hasn’t for a while.
but i still pray,
But I guess it’s not His style.
He doesn’t care for me,
he does’nt care at all,
I guess I’ve asked too much of Him,
Cause he won’t answer when I call.
So I’ll […]
The thing about religion
You have to act perfect
Fit in
Go to their youth groups
Pray all the time
What’s the downs about religion?
Oh I’ll tell you
You get judged all the time
Talked about
Stared at rudely
Being called the “devil”
Just because I stated my thoughts
They say they won’t judge you
But they do
I would think of religion as of something I would feel comfortable having
But I guess I was wrong
A bunch of hypocrites, can I say?
I can’t stop listening to these songs.. they describe my pain my sadness my anger… The story of my end…
Mudvayne – scream with me
Ever feel like dying, Ever feel alone, Ever feel like crying, Lost child in a store, Ever feel life pushing, Shoving you away, Ever feel like breaking down, Funeral in the rain
Feel life slipping away, Stand in the corner and scream with me, A body full of empty, A head thats full of rage, Better belive it, Stand in the closet and scream with me A mind thats like a fire, Driven by the pain, Better believe it
Ever feel like lying, Down […]
We are the future of us all
we are the generation who is destined to fall
we are the present’s invokable call
we can’t be heard through the last generations wall
we destroy ourselves without remorse
we set sail on an unchangeable course
our parents have made us who we are
they have locked us up behind concrete and bar
suicide and drugs seem our only escape
we all go out with chalk lines and yellow tape
all victims of depression and anger
some are popular some the more stranger
we all grow up whether we want to or not
because […]
its over for me , it drained me , killed me of emotions , all those crimes , all the terrible things i did , the way i live my life i dont want it anymore , and now , what do i do , only god can help me if he is there and can hear me ,
i am dead inside , there is nothing left no more , i cry in my room at times , screaming as loud as i can , and yet , no one hears me , and no one sees me , its funny , i make […]
When we feel love or something like that for someone, we learn to suffer and hate like that person.We feel what they feel and sometimes we feel more. My cousin, my sister, we’re all scapegoats in this family. I am the little rude *****, my cousin Laura is a stupid satanic slut with a shitty life because of her black painted nails. And Layla, oh, the poor  little fat girl. She’s the destroyer and the devil, the sinner who ended our relative peace, because she tented grampa to sin and we all know he is a great man of God and that she is the […]
I can’t live like this anymore. Nothing seems to be enough reason to stay. Not my husband. Not my children. If the devil really exists, he’s FINALLY won this 19 year battle with me. at only 29 years old — I am no longer strong. I feel so weak. My health is poor — yet better than most. I have everything and desire nothing. I dwell too much on the coulda-woulda-shoulda- that I can’t see the now, And the worst part of all is I am aware of everything and care not to change any of it, I want to die. I long for death […]
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
Every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around
All of these questions’ such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
I’m bi sexual
I’m emo
I’m a cuter
I do drugs
I’m atheist
I’m OCD
I’m bi polar
I’m a lover
I’m broken
I’m suicidal
I’m victim
I’m more things than you can probably count. I know there are others who probably have it worse than me, but I feel like this is never ending, that this world only exists to destroy me. I wake up every morning and think “why am I still here?”.  It’s a good question to be honest. I have no purpose. I’m not important. My friends tell me if I died they would care….a lot of people have told me that before…..and look where they’re at…..gone. It would be so much easier just to end it all […]
Sometimes i wanna take the easy way out. Like my Dad. When i was little i used to be so lonley and small, i used to try to semerge myself in the tub and hope i wouldnt give up,and come up for air. I used to yell into my pillow, cry but not just cry.. Soul cry. I like to write alot, hope to make it a Career so, listen up. See, 64 year olds they get a little crazy at that age. My grandma is a old winkley ***** that you just wanna punch in the face because she doesnt hear stuff right and […]
Power is a filthy poison
for which there is no cure
It steals the soul and taints the life
and can make one quite impure.
Power vibrates in the beast
its sanity has gone
now it bleeds and weeps of greed
and thinks there is no wrong.
So take your need and power’s lust
and choose your victims wise
Scream your battle cry aloud
and shape your prey’s demise.
Demean the different, out and in
and make their life a hell
Carve wounds with words into their soul
and in your hate they dwell.
Destroy those who oppose your will
with shouts and strikes and sin
Claim that […]
I don’t want to die, but…
There are times, last night for example, when it’s all I can do to hang on to whatever I can to keep from doing something I can never take back. Those nights where the blackness has swirled up around me to grasp at my throat and just choke the life out of me.
It’s a difficult thing to explain, but I’ll do my best. Here’s how I’ve described it to my therapists.
It’s like there are two people inside of me. There’s me, and then there’s the dark me. We’ll call the ‘me’ that’s okay #1 and the dark me #2. #1 […]
People say you feel better if you tell someone about you ‘problems’.
After posting on here for the first time and seeing the couple supportful replies, that felt good and stuff…
The beginning of this story would be that The devil is back again and she hurt me this morning, as so arrived at school, I made the mistake of letting a f ew tears drop, there were just too many to hold. My friends,I’m gonna use their first letters of their names, J came over and started doing the whole comforting thing, asking me what was wrong I knew she didn’t know what was actually […]
ive been through alot since childhood, ive seen my mom being hit and bleed, ive gone to school scared of coming back home and not finding her alive because dad killed her, ive seen my baby sister die infront of my eyes and i dont remember telling her i loved her, i remember the days dad dint come home cuz he was SOME WHERE ELSE , i remember when he went to sleep like he dint give a shit while my mom had a miscarriage, i remember every word he said to her that made her cry ….i remember dad repenting after my baby sister died […]
My depression started when I was around 6 years old. Â It started when I was sexually abused by my cousin and his dad. At the time I didnt know what was wrong and what was right, how could I? I was just a little kid. All that ended when I was 13 years old. The sad part of my story with them is that their family is seen as the perfect family. All the kids in that family were well mannered, smart, went to good schools etc. I never told anyone what happened, because….. I didnt want to hurt my family, and I didnt know […]
Those eyes are the most beautiful hue of blue I have ever seen. Eyes associated with a complexion that forces even the moon to dull in shine. Surrounding this perfect entity is bliss. A crude seduction is overwhelming as I feel a confidence rise up within me. We are perfect for each other and everyone knows it. My knees go weak knowing he senses my pull towards him. As he walks over to present his hand, all the eyes in the room are fixed on us. I accept. Gorgeous does no justice to the angelic footsteps gliding me around the room. My cheeks turn red as […]
This is my favorite song, it’s Sarcasm by Get Scared. I just wanted to share. Look it up, maybe you’ll like it…
(i dont own this song, i think Nick Matthews does…)
You’ve got me shaking from the way you’re talking
My heart is breaking but there’s no use crying
What a cyanide surprise you have left for my eyes
If I had common sense I’d cut myself or curl up and die
Sticks and stones could break my bones
But anything you say will only fuel my lungs
Don’t mind us we’re just spilling our guts
If this is love I don’t wanna be loved
You pollute […]
The old me held on to hatred
The new me holds on to love
The old me would hurt others on a whim
The new me tries to help others whenever possible
The old me hated the world
The new me loves the world
The old me embraced the Darkness
The new me embraces the Light
The old me signed a contract with the Devil
The new me has given himself to Life
The old me thought that he was a god
The new me knows that he is a servant
The old me was a masochist
The new me is an optimistÂ
The old […]
With this hatred I stand
with a razor in hand
To see my final plan through
I wish I could see
The pain in which you’ll be
When you see that I’m through
The day has gone by
And now I will die
With your picture in my hand
But don’t think I’ll rest
It was not meant for us to last
But I’ll be sure to haunt you in your dreams
You’ll think of days that went by
Without a tear in your eye
And hope that theyll come back
But you know in your heart
That black hole of remorse
That you’ll never be […]