I have a heart disease since 2012 my life changed since I went to doctor. I love foot ball but he told me that I mustn’t touch a ball anymore or do any sports that exhaust me because I will die so after that I watched my friends do every thing they want except me. I accept that but in 2014 days passes and I cant sleep it was painful my heart very hurting me until now. I completed my high school this year. but my friends hate me they don’t say but they don’t want me to go out with them and when I […]
I genuinely believe that some people don’t belong in this world. This atmosphere is just too much for us and we need an escape. I am one of those people that just isn’t meant for this environment. I need a different way and I think heaven would be so great. I know it would be great. I just wish I had the courage and strength to go there.
I have self harmed in so many different ways throughout the years. I began by banging my head repeatedly on a wall when I was maybe in 3rd grade. That lasted until 7th grade when I figured out that if I scratch my forearms until they’re raw and hold my finger over the still raw wound it would make me feel something other than the constant anxiety. I continued to scratch until 11th grade when I conjured up my courage and actually cut myself. It became an addiction and now my thighs are no longer clean. In 11th grade I also began seriously attempting suicide. […]
I personally have contemplated suicide for over 15 years… it’s tough to determine when I started considering it so I’ve approximated.
I realise that everyone has had different pasts and different reasons for considering suicide… but is moving past the idea of suicide, is it something that is truly genuinely possible? Moving past like never think of suicide again.
The only thing that i have been able to do is suppress the desire but it is always there… it just depends. I spend a lot of time ruminating about my past… I can’t seem to move past this either. Â I don’t have a lot of activity […]
I am a girl who is 19 years old. For years I have always contemplated suicide. I have physically harmed myself in many ways, including hitting my head against stuff, punching walls, and cutting up my hands. Recently, I have been thinking into deeper matters. Life usually is supposed to get better, right? Doesn’t occur in my case. Regardless of what goes on in my life, no matter how positive I am in all situations, nothing ever good happens. Yes I hear the whole it gets better speech, everything anybody can name and all the stuff from the books. I’ve heard personal experiences and all […]
So im still doing these personality/life readings. this is for anyone who is questioning a lot of things. doubting. I’ve been there and now see things a different way 🙂
I can tell most people are planning out how to commit. try this out before planning, which I hope you guys don’t succeed. know there are people who actually care, even though it may not seem like it.hope this helps you all.
I remember a couple days ago I kind of picked at him alittle bit on his 100 reasons to stay alive post. Â I guess it was a mixture of frustration and my offbeat sense of humor. Darvin your a good guy. We all got different perspectives on life and I’m sorry if I offended anyone. There’s not one person on here that I dislike.
I know a lot of talented people. I’m in junior high, and I already know people who qualify to teach piano, get first place in provincial level athletics, got perfect on their advanced harmony exams, or even first in a nation-wide mathematics competition. Everyone else I know is blessed with some kind of glorious, useful talent. Something that is measurable in levels or ribbons. I get stuck with art. I used to be so proud of my artwork, that I could actually create something that others could enjoy. At the age of 12, I had already started doing commissions and auctions on DeviantArt. I was so pleased […]
I look back over my life, such as one does, and can now understand the difficulties that I’ve had. Notwithstanding that I grew up in semi-severe isolation (refer other posts) I know now that I have a mental illness of some sort. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but these, I believe, are side issues to a greater matter not yet diagnosed.  I wonder if I am on the autistic spectrum? Maybe something else?  I know that I do not have schizophrenia for example  (no offense to those who have it) …. I just know that there is something more.
I live […]
Forcing my self to sleep… Hope sleep finds me and never leaves… I havent even slept… And yet… im already dreading to wake up… Maybe tonight would be special… If im lucky… I dont have to go through another day pretending to live.
I’m going to try to not make this as long as it was going to be before.
To summarize my problem: I have spent every day of my life almost all the time thinking about why I do what I do and how I feel about any given thing. Â Imagining every experience I can and trying to gain and understanding of how everyone else feels about anything. Â All I have ever wanted in life, as many people do, was someone who saw value in me.
The problem is because I have such an insanely high level of understanding for other people, they can’t trick me at all. […]
I have read The Peaceful Pill and I think I know how I’d like to go. I won’t post it but knowing the how somehow gives me a slight sense of peace in amongst all the chaos.
A very small part of me tells me to keep going, struggle on. A mountainous part of me however speaks to the contrary telling me that my struggle has been long (and it has) with no hope of living any sort of life away from the angst that consumes me. I have posted before parts of my struggles. They don’t begin to explain the war that exists inside of […]
bonjour escape
Escaping to Montreal, Canada. A little hop over the provincial border, eh? Canada’s theatre and fashion capital. A whole different world. I have no plan other than faith.
http://youtu.be/JwZoKqDCTKs
Alleur mes ami. Bonne chance!
I need more help but I’m scared to ask for it, I’m not talking about seeing someone I think I need to be admitted. It’s just I’m so scared to go and when I get back everything will be different. I know if I go I’m going to be just like my dad, I don’t want to go but if I don’t I’m afraid I’ll do something to myself. Just how do I say I need to go to the hospital?
So im still doing these personality/life readings. this is for anyone who is questioning a lot of things. doubting. I’ve been there and now see things a different way 🙂
I can tell most people are planning out how to commit. try this out before planning, which I hope you guys don’t succeed. know there are people who actually care, even though it may not seem like it.hope this helps you all.
This random graffito caught my eye while out for a jaunt tonight.
I think it sums up much perfectly. Were all alone, fighting with tears streaming down our face. But I see you.
(background music for those inclined)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FqmJy8HzQI
I haven’t posted or commented in a while. (Trips, Birthday, Best friends wedding, another wedding tomorrow…) But I see you. Serendipitous, one of Salt’s songs just started while on random.
Some days I think depression, loneliness won’t get the best of me. Most, other days, I’m not so sure. Is loneliness a […]
My girlfriend doesn’t want to see me anymore as of yesterday.
She’s 20 years older than me, and is dealing with a lot of shit from her past marriage. I wanted move in and take care of her, which she wanted, too; but she’s stopped trying with us, and has decided to focus on the problems she had before we met.
I found myself briefly considering other women, but I feel numb. I loved her! I gave her everything I had, and I feel like I’m betraying her by considering other women! I feel like if I wait one more week, she’ll message me back and want me […]
I’m telling everyone about this. I have support coming to me from all different angles. I’ve never felt as loved as I do now. The last period of my life I was suicidal I kept it all to myself whereas this time I am sharing my suffering and it feels good. I am showing I am imperfect, I am accepting support and advice. I have let my guards down.
Day 3 of my meds today, I am actually feeling pretty good this morning apart from I still have really bad insomnia – only 3 hours sleep or so last night. It’s the rolling around waiting for […]
Same shit different day as they say in modern society. People like us just can’t say that anymore. I feel that I would rather the pain than just nothing. I am more a mindless machine than anything. Hour by hour. Day by day. Endless pain and suffering. If there IS light at the end of this tunnel, this is a long ass tunnel. But it seems darker and more inforgiving than 2012, when I thought I could beat this thing. To all who read this, just remember, we are not ill. We are REAL!! We are considered to be wrong for seeing the world in […]
The slam poetry scene in my state has been a veritable haven when I can actually get myself to attend an open mic/slam feature night. I hope this poem can help at least one person like it did for me.
Kait Rokowski – “A Good Day”
http://youtu.be/TjjaIwVxfTw (to see her recite it)
Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries,
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between […]