It’s taken me my whole life to realise that have never been “happy.” I was never happy as a child, tween, and now into my teenage years, my sad feelings have developed into anxiety, anorexia, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I turned to drug use and alcohol. I still smoke and drink a lot. I have these sleeping pills and sometimes I just hold them and think about how easy it would be to just go. I am disgusted by my body and spirit. I think sometimes, it’s not worth living if I can’t even love myself. I have been trying to like […]
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I’m 15, depressed, suicidal, and I don’t care about who will cry if I am dead. I have a few of the best friends in the world, but they just don’t get it. Comforting me won’t work, I don’t want you to tell me I’m perfect, or anything close to it. I don’t even want you to tell me I’m alright. Because I know you’re lying, I’m not anything. I’m just a stupid f*ck who can’t do anything right. My parents hate me, I hate me. I’m scared of my extended family, I’m scared of everyone, even my own friends.I don’t believe anyone, they’re all […]
Tuesday appointment did not live up to my expectations but I now have a direction to work in and so have a plan to get on with things……maybe my expectations were too high , probably, but I have a mini game plan to start with so that is something. better than nothing which is what i had before ….nothing…thank goodness for even the smallest of blessings.
I feel like I’m clinging to a thin piece of rope that’s fraying and threatening to snap. I want someone to hold me and tell me that it’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to come completely unglued and not be in control all of the time. That it’s okay. That I don’t have to be “on” all of the time. I feel like 90% of the time I’m with other people, I’m acting or doing something or saying something that because that’s what they expect or want. I don’t want to have to be this other person around people, but at the same time […]
I’m almost 22, but I feel old. People have said that I am an old soul, but I think that’s just because I’ve had too much alone time to think. I’ve been mistrustful of people since I was a kiddo, and since then I have become isolated and friendless. My two younger brothers are going through their own psychological trials and keep to themselves. My older sister was like a beast when we were little, and I can’t even bring myself to express how much I resent the ways she manipulated and hurt me. I hardly talk to her. My mom is emotionally distant, due […]
A battle, a fight, another day. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is check to see if I still remember how to smile, I’m not sure when it happened but piece by piece my emotions were shattered and I slowly started faking them to get by.
I guess it did have a beginning. I once had a dream, a direction in which to aim for and look forward to, but it fell to pieces and went from being a realistic future to a childish night time fantasy. I tried to fix it, I tried to create a new dream, but every […]
I was happy. I was fine with life. Couldn’t you have let me stay that way? For just a while?
by Anonymous13
written by Anonymous13
Happiness. It was in my reach, merely a week ago. I used to dislike living. I used to complain and moan about things of no significance. I was unhappy, but without a real reason to be. And I knew that. I knew that my unhappiness was uncalled for and most of all: selfish. There were people out there going through real pain, people who had actual reasons to feel this way. So I pulled it together and started focusing on all the positive things in life. My friends, my somewhat dysfunctional family whom I still loved and cared for, my somewhat normal life. I started […]
Why can I not find the strength to say no to you? Why do I keep letting you in to my life even though I know when you leave it will hurt and destroy me.
Yet again you text me asking to come round and yet again I said yes. I promised myself that I would discuss my feelings and talk to you this time but it didn’t happen. You put on a film and sat there texting all night, whomever it was I don’t know but I caught a glimpse of the message and it hurt me deeply. You then asked if we could go […]
Okay, so it’s been this bad for a year now. Everytime I look on the mirror I feel sick with frustration of why I have to look the way I do. Everytime someone would call me ugly or fat I would just laugh. Wishing that they would like me so they won’t have to hurt me ever again.
I’ve had my boyfriend for one year now. He is the est thing which could of ever happened to me. He’s so beautiful and smart. But I’ve even so hurt in the past I feel so jealose. Not like normal jealosey, because everytime he looks in the […]
after that last post, it hit me like a broad seeing red; my entire life is an act. No wonder I’m so tired. The minute I leave my apartment, I’m weighed down by the way I have to be to get ahead, to get by, to not be harassed etc etc. I guess in a sense we all do it, but everything I say is a farce. I don’t celebrate holidays anymore, I dropped all superstitions, minimized/simplified my diet; I’m trying to live the way an evolved human might. The world around me doesn’t make sense and I worry about who I’m to become, […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. I used to have all the world laying at my feet, and I could pick whatever direction I chose. My life held so much promise, and now it is decaying around me.
In the past two years I’ve been beaten by my parents, taken by CPS, thrown into the real world a month later, and killed myself working ever since. I was supposed to go to the Air Force Academy. I got a full ride to a state college instead, where I found out what I loved to do most. But now I’m sitting in this house, and all […]