It’s taken me my whole life to realise that have never been “happy.” I was never happy as a child, tween, and now into my teenage years, my sad feelings have developed into anxiety, anorexia, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I turned to drug use and alcohol. I still smoke and drink a lot. I have these sleeping pills and sometimes I just hold them and think about how easy it would be to just go. I am disgusted by my body and spirit. I think sometimes, it’s not worth living if I can’t even love myself. I have been trying to like my body for years, but I just can’t do it. I started cutting seriously a few days ago and it’s like the only thing that makes me feel better when I’m sober… except for One Direction. I’m not being ironic, although it sure sounds like it. Being in the One Direction fandom has brought me closer to so many people even though we are miles apart. Lately though, my thoughts of suicide have been increasing and strangely enough, I don’t want to get better. I have known only sadness for so much of my life, that if it goes, I don’t think that there will be anything interesting anymore. Honestly, being depressed is just so normal and almost comforting now that I just want it like this but I also don’t want to have my body.
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One Direction make me feel suicidal.. Good news is your normal teen age er. Cause you like them..You.known only sadness for so much of my life. Whats that about.?
Well, I was bullied in school all the way from day care to present day. It isn’t physical bullying, it’s more of like they always make me feel stupid or worthless when I say anything. For example if I suggest an idea for a project, they will look at me with disgusted faces. Even the teachers. And just to ask you, are you implying that One Direction disgust you so much that you would kill yourself? That is a horrible claim. They are such nice people but they are judged for have a younger audience.
It was a joke that’s all.. Is there anybody you can talk to.. Dr a nice teacher.? mom/dad..?
I don’t like one direction but its nice that their music is there for you:)
your conscious thoughts determine your subconscious threads. So it obviously seems like depression is natural now and the preferred mental state for you, for one your addicted to the chemical imbalance or the nature of depression to put it simply. Your habits also change you. If you habitually think about cutting yourself, then you will re wire your brain to cut yourself. It isn’t because your ugly, selfish, uncaring, etc. Its because you don’t believe you are. Give yourself a chance to heal. Pick up an instrument if you like that band, One Direction. Sing! Change your habits that are destructive or that cause you to harm yourself. Like, for example, cut down drinking. But smoke weed instead. Meditate, go biking. Im sure you do a lot of things but you lost interest in the moment and your living in the past. I don’t claim i don’t long for the past or don’t feel depressed. I am depressed, but im getting better. I hope you do too. I have been bullied a lot in school and im alright. Because i don’t give a fuck what people think.