I’m sorry, my baby…. I’m sorry that I feel this way. That I feel like you don’t love me anymore. I’m sorry that I still want to kill myself because I feel so inadequate. I’m sorry, my love. I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you. I’m sorry that I haven’t made as big of an impact on your life as you try to tell me I have. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry that I’m not good for you. I’m sorry you still can’t see that. I’m sorry that I’m clingy, that I’m possessive. I’m sorry that I can’t wait […]
It been a long time since I been to this site and posted anything. I feel a lot better now that i left home and have an amazing long distance boy friend . However like the rest of life i still find the problems to keep me up at night.Like the feeling of still being unable to help any one, as i leave home and travel 4 hours up north with no way to get back till the summer i find my brother falling deeper into the darkness, he never had any friends nor a stable life , however he never been a street rat […]
I’ve always had a number of acquaintances but not many close friends. Relationships have always occurred at a distance – like walking down a beach and seeing people off in the distance. People don’t seem to knock at my door -and I spend holidays alone (hate holidays). I make flippant comments to strangers – some smile, some think I’m insane. I tell my stories to grocery store clerks and baristas – a captive audience who smile but don’t ask if I’m okay. I get phone calls from telemarketers and medical receptionists – would you like to buy some gold – hello Mr Eaton your doctors […]
I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time. I’ve started seeing a new therapist and though I can’t tell him everything he’s really been helping me. For the past three days I’ve felt happier and calmer than I have in a long time despite all the crap. I really want to rekindle my relationship with my (ex)boyfriend. He’s been dealing with a lot and I kept my distance because he doesn’t need to deal with me on top of it all. I’m waiting until I’m better to try and be with him again. We were perfect together until the old feelings came […]
I should have known. I was stoic before I, really, met you. I was made of stone…granite! Nothing could break down these walls…then you came along. You changed me, somehow. You did everything right. You were nearly perfect! You were formal and appropriate. I convinced myself that I was being ridiculous. Why was I keeping you at a distance? I gave myself permission to let you into my heart and to see my soul…
HOW COULD YOU? I LOVED YOU! YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU!
Now where am I? I can’t eat without feeling sick. I go to bed with my last thoughts on you….and I wake […]
Sure, she looks like a bollywood model, but that’s not what I mean. She really cares about people. She volunteers at soup kitchens and organizes charity drives. Bad news stories involving people she doesn’t even know makes her get teary eyed. She spent a week losing sleep, tossing and turning because she was worried that I might be upset about something completely insignificant. She truly has a heart of gold.
I don’t have rose tinted glasses on. She’s a boy crazy lush like the rest of the women I know, but she doesn’t let it define her like so many others. She calls me a good […]
I don’t get why my body goes from shaking anxiety to staring off into the distance depression. Just the other day I was shaking and couldn’t put one thought with another. Now I’m sitting here staring thinking too much about everything.
I am approaching 30 and I have never been in a relationship.
When I was 18 I had my first major crush on this girl in college (I am also a girl). We had been close friends (I think) for about half a year before she started to really distance herself from me. She might have sensed my crush and got freaked out. Then one day she told me she had a boyfriend. Somehow I never knew it before (I was so stupid) and I made comments about her boyfriend out of jealousy. She was enraged and called me a freak and a predator before completely […]
ever feel like you’re losing everything? you watch from a distance, but even from another perspective, you can’t manage to make sense of what’s happening.
so you choose just one thing to hold onto. it doesn’t really matter what it is, but you make it mean everything, because you need something to stay. you need this one thing for the world to revolve around because if the world doesn’t have an axis then what the fuck. you’re too scared to let go, you might fall and you have no idea where you will land.
but happens when you start to doubt that one thing? when […]
How do you forgive someone who has hurt you? The guy who hurt me when I was little messed me up so bad. I have a hard time trusting adults, I have a hard time being in a relationship with a guy, if my boyfriend were to touch me a certain way, like he did, I would freak out and have to distance myself from him. And my boyfriend wouldn’t understand why I was acting the way I was. I want to be normal And when my boyfriend leans in to kiss me I won’t freak out. Or if he puts his arms around me […]
You think it’s just physical
The cookie cutter arms
The chopping board thighs
But there is a battle
A battle beyond the realm of chemistry
Beyond the realm of physical sight
It’s invisible but tangible as you cringe away from the presence
From the presence of this spiritual battlefield under wraps
Felt but not seen
Experienced yet never fully understood
Ever present, ever active
The spiritual warfare waging in our midst
Cookie cutter arms
Chopping board thighs
You keep your distance and avert your eyes
Yet you don’t know why
There is a battle waging
Beyond the corner of your eyes
But there is only reason to […]
Cross a road as you see a bus approaching far off in the distance, and wish it weren’t hundreds but a mere few feet away.
Peer over the hand rails of a bridge and imagine yourself plunging towards the watery depths below.
Drag a finger along the edge of a blade – wishing your finger were your neck instead.
Feel a faint sense of relief at the thought of others gazing downward at the lifeless body – it had imprisoned you for much too long.
Battle the urge to just jump .. to make the leap of faith into the abyss.
Become fixated upon the person you’ve wanted so deeply to know and understand, disgusted by […]
I’m bored and need friends. Chatting in person is pretty nice. So I’m wondering who here is from Reno or within reasonable distance. Maybe we can get a support group going here or just have coffee and try to feel “normal” for a little while.
so update, i know its been a long time since my last one, but here it is :
my cuz kicked me out, after i told her that she is a **** faced lying *****, i went into a treatment facility twice in the span of three weeks, and lost my job because of it, along with a seperate issue, i am living with a friend now, but i cant find a job within walkin distance to help with the bills. and i relapsed tonight severly, i have been toying with the plan to drink a cup of lavender cleaner, i am deathly allergic to […]
I am a hopeless romantic. I see so much beauty in the world, in so many things. I can’t enjoy most of it, but I can see it’s there. One example that may seem a bit odd is jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. As a jumper in the USA that is the dream. It’s just so perfect. So many people before have done it, and so many more have failed at it. The idea of all of those success’s waiting for you at the bottom. A mere 220 feet to join them. The thought of it is so peaceful. The problem is location. It’s […]
I am feeling such a huge sense of loss and I didn’t even know the man. I only knew of him and from a distance. Although he always made me laugh and I was always so touched by the many kind things he did in his life, I could see the pain and anguish in his every expression. Even when he was trying so desperately to be light heart-ed, there it was in his eyes, the window to his soul. Thank you Sir Robin, for all of the laughs that you gave me, the wonderful memories of family and friends and great times while enjoying […]
I cry,
and it hurts,
like acid streaming down my face,
tattooing the trails,
as they flow down my cheeks,
and drip from my chin.
The knife stings,
as i slice deep into my arm,
I smile,
and the blood runs warm,
then I go numb.
The darkness fades away to black,
and my body tenses,
I can hear someone screaming,
far off in the distance,
screaming,
yelling my name,
I try to respond,
but I cant,
I cant move,
I cant make a sound.
Then,
I realize what I have done,
and I stand,
looking over my cold lifeless body,
as you,
come and hold my hand,
especially at work. I was talking to my friend who’s a cashier, and I ended up telling him that a friend of mine said I should start dating again. Apparently my ex was listening in and now he’s all sad and pissy with me because he think’s I’m over him. I’m BEYOND over him. What I’m wondering is why he gets to have an opinion, when I wasn’t allowed to care that he kept telling me that the barista at the starbucks where we had our first date is hot, and how his friend in las vegas thinks he’s cute and wants to go and […]
I’m tired, i’m killed
just bcz of wat u did
the moment i trusted u the most
u simply killed all my hopes
my love was always veryy true
n i was utmost loyal to u too
even then u had to go far
but baby, it just tore me apart
all this when u always knew
i cud never bear the distance between me and you
what we had was so beautiful and so strong
i just could never know when did i go wrong
ya, der was jsz 1 mistake dat i made
i do xcpt it,regret it n m ready to corrct […]
I had a friend. Her cell phone stopped working. I couldn’t reach her any other way but through the computer. She lived too far away for me to see in person. She would disappear for months at a time after mentioning how she was feeling down and depressed. I couldn’t take the constant worrying about her. So, in one of those rare occasions when she was actually around, I snapped at her a bit. I let her know how much I worried and how much it hurt, trying to get in contact with her and then- Nothing. I guess she must have understood for a […]