I must pick up the pieces
And Put them together
Make sure all the cracks are concealed
So they stay out of sight
The audience must be pleased
Even if I’m not at ease
Tag:
Doors
My hands are shaking, I don’t know why
I’ve been here before
Yet for some reason I can’t help but cry
New doors, but all of them so far away
The old ones are slowly closing
And they call out strongly my name
What will become of me?
I cannot be sure
But I know there is no cure for what I am
So simple yet so complex
I am unable to see through the fog
And I’m afraid I’m destined to choose wrong
One bad door is all it will take
One wrong move, one mistake and I know
I’ll end up where I have been before
I reach […]
Every car looks the same,
It’s time to go.
Breathing trees,
How lovely to see,
Can I touch them?
No.
Locked in, Locked up,
Doors without keys,
Beds without sheets,
Pull on the curtain that encloses me.
Kept alive but no machines,
Three shadows is all you see,
One hall, one sound,
Screams.
We like to stay unseen.
She got up and grabbed her things. Escaped to some empty common room, opened her laptop, and methodically pulled that hairband against her wrist.
“Haha you know you shouldn’t do that, it could hurt haha,” some guy says, nodding at her wrist. She smiles up to him and nods slightly. He moves away and she goes back to snapping the hairband. She holds back tears and swallows deeply. She turns on her laptop and reads sad stories, all the while tugging at that damn hairband. People wander past, but none even glance her way. She is alone, lost, forgotten. Her phone buzzes, waking her up from […]
welcome to the world kid,you have about 13 years to be happy,to be you,to be like nietzche said a superman,dont care about religión,responsability,education,prejuices,tabus,even sex.in this period you are you in your pure state,not influenced by society.when this period ends your mind starts to change,your feelings are new you will have to go to school,study like a damn nerd,obey the rules.now you are not you anymore,you are influenced by the people that surrounds you,their ideas,their fears.your doors are closing slowly.that pure kid that you where is dying.religion enters your life even if you dont like it at all.you have been raised to be a responsable,calm and […]
Drugs. That’s what caused all this. There is lump in my throat telling me i dont think anyone will truly understand the absolute s**t it does to you, but who knows. So here is my story..
*Note* I am deeply ashamed of this, and i try to forget about it as much as i can. (i have not re-read this because it was hard enough writing it, im sorry about any spelling mistakes)
Grade nine was my first year of school ever (i was home schooled) so walking in the doors of that high school healed a lot more then desks and teachers, it healed experiences. I didnt know where […]
I remember when i was what society called happy, like, genuinely happy. a time when I didn’t feel like the world was blurred, like I was just a ghost. I felt, normal i guess. I was nine. that was it. nine years old. and then i just…faded.
I recall how I’d walk into the doors, I’d hear everyone talking, everyone would be with their friends. And me? I’d struggle just to convince someone that they could talk to me. I wasn’t well liked for God knows why. I guess people just needed an outlet to put all their hate, sadness, anger, and shit in. They chose […]
I’m going to write this out here, not because you are likely to ever see this (almost certainly you’ll never see this). I know you stumble around these sites (not necessarily this one). Instead, I’m writing this because this is all a little cathartic for me. It’s kind of my own therapy for coping, to stumble around these sites.
In the few years that we have known each other, you have become my best friend, and I have become yours. You know this because we walked and talked a few days ago, watched the sunset in the park and refound each other. At least I refound […]
In the last week or two, I have been taken to the hospital for breaking down in class and revealing my suicide plan to the guidance councillor. I could say that I was surprised, but I wasn’t. The moment I said, “the fact of the matter is that I am suicidal,” I knew I was screwed. So, my parents were notified and I was shown the doors of the ER. However, I was able to avoid admittance, if only barely, by bravely lying my way out. On the exact same day I planned to kill myself, I smiled, laughed, and maintained my composure. So it’s only […]
I want to die. I want to escape this place where I get screamed at for being angry, where doors slam all the time.
Will someone hold me quietly, save me from this place? Can I even risk that?
I am cursed. I cannot have anyone love me. Or I will be trapped in this hell called life.
I need someone. Just someone. To talk to, to listen. To respect my decision.
And to not say that he will miss me.
I’d rather be nowhere than here.
Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what’s wrong, and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the […]
I think it’s possible I might have the hardest life of anyone in the world.
I love someone, I’ve loved her for 2 years since we first talked on Skype. She is from Colombia, I’m from Canada. We have never met but we talk all the time, on facebook… & have talked many times on Skype. The only problem is… I was sent to a mental institution, because my parents called the police & told them I was psychotic. I was just visiting my parents house over christmas, & I think my meditations & abundance of energy kind-of freaked them out. Anyways, the cops came… and […]
I want to die.
It has taken me a long time to come to that conclusion.
Why do I want to die? In a nutshell: because I’m in intense emotional and mental pain.
The longer version?……… Life is too much of a struggle. Most things I go after results in total failure and misery. I find it very difficult to relate to people on a deeper emotional level. Conversing with people is an enormous challenge. I wish I didn’t stutter.
It tortures me that I can’t even say my name without stuttering. The look I receive from people when I stutter is extremely painful, so I mostly choose not […]
…it came to me like a freight train plowing through molasses.
Society is slowly growing so stupid that it soon will not be possible to express it in words.
It is an existential stupidity.
In the frozen food aisle at the grocery store, right next to the chicken-nuggets, there was a section for frozen-yogurt dog-treats. Dog treats. Made out of frozen yogurt. I’m not sure what to make of it… Then, while in the meat department, I noticed a sign above one of the sectionals which said, “Natural Meats,” with an arrow pointing down. No thanks, I thought, I’m looking for the unnatural meats. Like cloned bats and […]
It looks like I survived the most powerful suicidal thoughts attack in my life that I had for the last week and a half. I’m not sure if that’s good. I’m just too weak, to do it I had to delete all the pictures of the girl I love from my computer, delete all traces of her so nobody would bother her after I’m gone. I couldn’t do it, I just can’t. I can’t let her go.
I’m back to escaping from everything into my head, fantasy worlds. I don’t really want it anymore because the thought that one day I will wake up and instead […]
The black ominous shadows loomed up and faded away as I ran through the halls of what seemed to be a dungeon.
Up a head a figure sat in a curled ball against the dingy wall, as I approached I saw her bruised eyeless face “ indulgeo quis is has perfectus tamen nunquam alieno “ it hissed at me.(forgive what she has done but never forget)
Spasm’s of pain racked my body as memories forced there way into my head.
My torso convulsed as more waves came upon me, worst than the next,its like standing on the bottom step and having throwing knives hurled down stairs.
But no matter how […]
I have lately been crying often due to the problems involving my family. It all started of when i hadn’t been talking to my dad for atleast 5 months.
Cause you see my parents are divorced and now i live with my mum and step-dad and siblings. Anyway, I didnt end up going on holiday with my dad. Kinda sad. Once the summer holidays i had sent him a message saying that im sorry but my phone didnt work so i had no contact with him and i told him that i now am back at home.
He hadn’t called or texted me .. i was getting […]
Is there a difference between wanting to commit suicide and wishing you were dead? Â I wish I could close my eyes to sleep at night and never wake up.
My life is actually pretty good and pretty normal, and that just all the more lets me know that I really, really just want to die, if even my relatively normal life can’t make me feel any better. Â I’m a college student with good grades, 26 years old, extremely good looking, extremely smart, extremely nice, with a loving and supportive family and only one friend but she is a great friend. Â There’s really nothing wrong with my […]
Lights off. Ears plugged. Doors locked. Notes placed. Water running. Blade cutting. Perfect. All according to plan.
Lights fading. Consciousness slipping. Room spinning. Parents sleeping. Blood pouring. Finally. Time to go.
No more. The End. Black. Infinite black. Peace. Calm. Eternity.
Then noise. Faint. Distant. A hum. A buzz. Audible only because it it the only sound in the beautiful void.
The hum won’t stop. Won’t go away. Won’t leave me alone. I have to find out what it is. What is it anyway!? Look around. Just black.
Wait, I didn’t look around. I couldn’t. There is only black. Maybe if I open my eyes. Then I could find the source […]
being brought up in a Catholic family, I came to believe that Jesus is real. Even though I pray, evil gets the better of me, and I can’t stop. When I sit in a Church, it being silent, although overwhelming in some way or another, I pull back my sleeves and tears stream down over my scars. I hear some kind of voice pleading “Please stop. You’re too beautiful for harm.” And for a second I believe, and some kind of hope enters my thoughts, but as I leave through the doors of God’s house, that’s it. I don’t care. And the cycle continues.
I dont […]
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