it seeps into your heart, your mind, your soul wrecking your body everywhere it goes.
i cant take the time to stop and think where am i going? Who is gonna help me?
you wake up in the middle of the night and your dreams scare you right out of your bed.
How do i get out of this?
You take a knife and you just cut because after you do it sends shivers of warm fuzzy tingles throughout your senses.
it leaves you shivering with ecstasy
You wish someone would help you but all they can say is are you okay?
How do they […]
I read that when you have an orgasm that it is impossible for you to feel any pain, i had this idea that the moment you reach orgasm would be a good time to stab yourself through the heart or jump by hanging, when i cum it lasts for well over 1 minute which might be ideal for the athame through the flames..
I read this scientific study of what happens to the human brain when a person is having an orgasm & in the brain scan the studies showed that the […]
I wonder, if there is an end to any of this…. things keep happening …. some of us are depressed, some of us want to end our life, some are struggling to find a meaning , some are try struggling to find a way out, and then there are others who don’t have too many doubts, they are almost sure of what they want and are working towards it. And life goes on…. the race, the rush, the panic , the ecstasy, emotions,feelings, sensations…. everything that makes this web of life goes on… just goes on , not waiting for anybody or anything…. there is […]
I wish I would have found a site like this 6 years ago.  My life once so full of promise, senior in high school, on the dean’s list with a life of grander ahead.  Started down a bad path.  I think I’ve always been bipolar.  The highs are never better, and the lows can’t get any lower.  Started experimenting with drugs.  Found my drug of choice in pain meds.  I was good at hiding the pain on the inside with a happy face on the outside as long as I was numb enough to not care any longer.  The addiction got worse. Drinking and driving after […]
Have you ever had a dream? Aspired to be something that in even the thought of it makes your heart beat that little bit faster. Your body fill with feelings of ecstasy. You feel like you were born to be that person? Until you suddenly realise you lack the talent to achieve it.
We grow up being told our entire lives to reach for our goals, follow our dreams. But those dreams are just dreams. And reality is something we must all face on an everyday basis. Giving up on ever following those dreams. But why? Why can’t a simple girl become a popstar or or […]
He was there with me, we were doing what we usually do, having fun by being with eachother. It was all i wished for, hes a gentleman. Hes happy to see im happy. I have to push, ask for a hug, i feel hes body warmth and heart beating. Im on his chest, were smiling to one another, talking. We get up, keep talking, smiling, living the moment, like 2 children who love to play together… Somehow we end up close, faces too close and i cant resist, he feels it and we kiss. It was so sweet, so wanted, his kiss felt like that. […]
so the summer of my 19th year has come to the climax of failing half my first year exams and continuing to fuck up during the holiday that followed, so it’s unlikely I’ll make it back to university, precipitating the major crash and burn i’ve had coming for a while i suppose
i’ve recently overdosed on ecstasy a few times, taken some desperate nights out in cities far from home and with strangers and just generally been ‘that guy’.. i did have close friends, but along with a sane home life it’s all just disintegrated and basically i’m half working to pass my exams to get […]
My Life Just Needs To End…
 Well I’m 16 now but 4 1/2 half years ago my life started to change… For the worst.
 It was my 8th grade year I was so excited to grow up and be a “teenager” I knew a lot of people but didn’t have many friends I kinda kept to myself and my sister got me into weed so I thought I was the only one who smoked at my school. I kept it a secret from even my Bestfriend at a time… But then I met this girl and her name was Alex omg she was amazing she became closer […]
So yesterday my mom decided to pinch at my zits because I am ugly as hell. I naturally dislike this since it hurts a ton. Well needless to say she got all pissed off, and that got me upset also. So she makes me apologize for being angry and I do so but not actually caring. So she yells at me some more and tells me to fuck off. I go up to my room and start reading some Zelda manga. That helps me forget about whatever bad things happen, so I like video games. So my mom comes upstairs and interrupts my ritual, and […]
I’m sick of this feeling.
I have just watched one of my favorite shows that has just come back on after almost half a year.
I love this show so much that all week i look forward to it.
But after it is finished i always feel so upset and sad. Like after the peak of ecstasy i feel this horrible indifference coming down.
All i want to do is cut. It’s like i can’t wait for it!
Such a weird feeling.
Fuck.
Let’s say you’re feeling like life is completely hopeless, and you just want to end it all. Some well-meaning person drops you off at the psych ward where you’re greeted with more pills, more doctors, and depressingly weak coffee (I’ve been there). There’s nothing terribly interesting to do, so you get bored. Maybe your new medications have terrible side effects. Maybe you get frustrated about being treated like a crazy person and you tell yourself, ‘I have sunk to a new low; I’m screwed’. You notice how odd it is that a facility designed to treat severely depressed people is so depressing.
Occasionally the doctors ask […]
Have not done it for years. Was chopping up some vegetables or my salsa and tried to toss the knife up in a spin and catch it. Needless to say it bit into my hand. But the pain felt good. And the temptation was there. Just like it was when I was younger. After the incidents… made me feel worthless. But the exact things are shadowed…. mental block. Probably for survival because it may make things worse if I recalled it. I know it was when I was a kid though.
The knife just sitting there. Gleaming carbon steel shining like Polaris. Sharp thin edge like […]