I fight and I fight…why do I fight!? I fight to live, I fight to breathe, I fight to eat, I fight to smile, I fight to be happy. Why am I fighting myself!? In this endless battle, I am always winning! I constantly win the battle, I fight for the right to hurt myself! When will my REDEMPTION come!? Why wont people understand the pain and hurt that I inflict upon myself!? It is not my fault, I do not consciously choose to harm myself. DO I!? I look to blame no one, yet the universe always finds a way to FUCK with me! […]
I lie awake at night and i think back when i saw razor blades and i was tempted to buy one. But i decided not too. I look back and think to myself “Why did not I buy it? Why did i stop myself” And i thought to myself there are no heroes, no one will save you from your depressing life. You have to be your own hero and save yourself. Because no one else will, and no one else will try, and as i lay here in bed i think to myself ” I am my own hero and I will save myself”
Today was emotionally draining. I was upset and hurt for petty reasons. I hate not being in control of my emotions, especially when I hurt others while spiraling out of control.
Sometimes, when I’m sad, I’ll put up this front because I don’t want people to take pity on me. I don’t want them to see me as one of those overly dramatic girls who is unhappy with their life for ridiculous reasons. Because of this, I often say things to people that I regret the moment the words spill out of my mouth.
I said something rude to my friend Mike today. I’m still angry with […]
I tried to kill myself a few months ago, and that’s not what worries me. What worries me is that I don’t think it was a legitimate suicide attempt. I think I knew those pills weren’t going to kill me. I’m too smart and manipulative for that. I think I deliberately hurt people for attention. Being alone and depressed and addicted to Tumblr, I didn’t know anything else I could do. Now I’ve lost any online friends that I once had and I’m going to explode from the bottled up emotions. I need to talk, I need to talk, I need to talk, but I […]
its over for me , it drained me , killed me of emotions , all those crimes , all the terrible things i did , the way i live my life i dont want it anymore , and now , what do i do , only god can help me if he is there and can hear me ,
i am dead inside , there is nothing left no more , i cry in my room at times , screaming as loud as i can , and yet , no one hears me , and no one sees me , its funny , i make […]
My fiance of 6 years just left me… Â Knowing I could never be with anyone else, i started cutting myself on both of my upper thighs… My only escape from all the emotional pain he has put me through…
Hello! They say writing and sharing your experiences can be therapeutic, and in my case that is especially true. So, today I thought I’d take a moment to sit down and have a little chat with all of you.
My story really begins about 8-9 months ago. I was going through a rough time, I had just found out I have a lump in my spine. In the past years I have been diagnosed with:
Reynauds Disease
Fibromyalgia
Osteoporosis (in my neck)
Osteoarthritis (neck, again)
Heart Arrhythmia
Severe Insomnia […]
I know I’m new here. I’ve had these thoughts in my head for years, but no one understands me. My meds are off. I’m trying new ones, but they aren’t working fast enough.  Every med I’ve tried either doesn’t work or has side effects that are worse than the damn depression. Therapists have never worked. I’ve never found one that I liked or trusted. I’m afraid that the first one I talked to honestly would dump me in a looney bin or have me forcibly committed. So I can’t open up to them. Basically, everything in my relationship is my fault. Everything. When I try […]
I WISH I HAD CONTROL!!
I never remember it.. Ever…
I WISH I HAD CONTROL…
I wish I hadn’t done it but I have..
I WANT CONTROL!!
I Â know I shouldn’t.. That it’s bad….
I WANT CONTROL…
I don’t think I can stop.. Never…
I ‘M LOST AND LONELY!!
I’m all alone in this dark abyss..
I’M LOST AND LONELY…
My Escape, Â for I have no other Wish…
When I do it, it’s sweet and painful..
The only pain left for me that I feel.
One of the few […]
It’s hard to admit there is something wrong. It’s hard trying to put all my emotions into words. It’s frustrating that I don’t truly understand what’s wrong with me, therefore it is difficult for others to understand. I lost the respect for my mother when I was in seventh grade. Freshman year my father hit me and choked me and my mother just watched. I stopped talking to my family completely because I knew they didn’t wanna hear what I wanted to say. I am a junior in high school now and I had to switch schools this past year. Have you ever felt surrounded […]
I locked myself in my room for tree days now without food and water. I’ve been crying and thinking for these past 3 days. I locked myself because I got into a fight and mostly because I’m done. I’m done with everyone. Nobody understands me, I ask for help nobody gives me help. Everybody tells me the same thing everyday. My parents thinks i’m going through that teenage stage but actually its more then that. I’m sick of everyone.
I wish i wasn’t caught from those 3 times a tried to kill myself. I wish I was the one who died instead of my best friend […]
Dark, suffocating darkness, no light
Despairing place with no way out
Chained to a wall inside this putrid place
No hope of happiness coming soon.
So lonely, so very lonely
A body lies beside, but it’s cold
This person is cold, cold of heart
No emotions presents
No comfort, no support, no encouraging words
Only radiating hatred, to keep you where you are.
So lonely, so very lonely.
Chained to this place with a cold person
A person you once knew
A person you once loved
A person you once called your love.
A person who no longer loves you
A person who no longer […]
have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and bawl out crying? well this was me everyday for almost a year , now i look at my self for hours not shedding one tear, i though i could finally bare to look at myself but in reality i just became completely numb, over time i started losing my emotions i could no longer feel, i became so cold that i never let anyone love me because just the thought of someone actually liking me is imaginary, i push to many people away and never regret it. my pride is to high to tell someone […]
90% of my thoughts are suicide.
I can never be happy, I’m convinced. I cry literally every day and I’m just really sick of it. I used to be normal, I really did. Then, I started high school.
In the beginning of my freshman year, I made some new friends. About three months into the year, for whatever reason, these “friends” decided that they didn’t like me very much anymore. I was severely bullied by them for the next two years, which caused me to start self-harming.
As soon as this started, I met a boy on the internet. He seemed nice enough, whatever. Over the next three […]
I locked myself in the bathroom and gathered everything I could end my life with, once and for all, the ipod dock for electrocution, matches for fire and razors for bleeding till death.
All I do though is sit there and cry, I can’t do it, I dont have the strength but I have no reason to be here,
I am a horrible person. Help me.
I’m numb. No emotions, no feelings. Nothing.
I don’t care if I get hurt. I kick my toe, nothing.
I hit my head, nothing. I cut my wrists, nothing.
I don’t feel heart ache anymore. I don’t care if I cut to deep.
I don’t even care if my family find out what I write on here.
I’m 16 name is Chaifair, I live in a nothing town with people who just don’t care.
I’m over living my life like a happy little trooper. I’ve been faking my smile all day.
No one knows what goes on in my mind, because I don’t know either.
i grew up with both my parents being psychologists, arguing was usually a nightmare, watching them fight before the divorce was almost worse not that i was ever too broken up about it. What it taught me though was a very good understanding of the mental health system, and more so how to deceive it my entire life, i knew what to say and how to say it, which kept me out of the wards even when i was walking around with massive cuts on my arms. You see the problem with lying though is you distort reality, and thats just what i did and […]
I wrote an essay on how to be happy and remain in that state of mind no matter the situations in your life. It basically focuses in changing your mental process. i believe that if we learn how to control our thoughts, we can control our emotions and actions. For example, if you catch yourself having bad thoughts, learn how to replace them by good thoughts. Its a long process but it can help you if you put effort into it and continue to practice it with patience and belief. Some of us have gone through the worst things in life, in fact, depression and […]
I don’t enjoy my life. I havent suffered a major tragedy or anything, I just dont enjoy it. I dont like my body but seem unable to change it. I’m tired ALL the time. Completely unmotivated. A job I cant stand. Friends who all have their own families and things going on. Always worrying about bills and how I’ll get by. And I just dont see it changing. I mean, I really dont.
This isn’t an emotional decision, it’s a logical one. I have thought and thought about it. If I dont enjoy my life and I dont see it getting better, why shouldn’t I just […]
I’ve said a million times that I would rather be beat up than to hurt emotionally, but it never seems to work out that way. As I found out on Thursday night, even if you are beat up physically, your heart will still hurt.
I am not getting any younger. I am 29, I have a seemingly great life; I have a full time job at a great company, I have a wonderful apartment near my job, I have my two cats that I live with, some great friends, a supportive family… But there is one thing missing – a relationship with myself.
I am constantly trying […]