Depression is not Lana Del Rey songs with tears streaming down your face. Its not a blood stained tub with blades all over the floor. Its not a boy rocking you back and forth as he whispers “I love you” a million times in your ear. Depression is disgusting. A low feeling. Not something that is beautiful and poetic. It is a dirty feeling. It is you sitting in a tub with scolding hot water trying to burn the feeling away. It is the stale smell of the clothes in your room because you have no energy to clean it. It is laying awake at […]
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energy
Color influences perceptions that are not obvious, such as the taste of food. Colors can also work as placebos by having the color of pills be certain colors to influence how a person feels after taking them. For example, red or orange pills are generally used as stimulants. Another way in which colors have been used to influence behavior was, in 2000, when the company Glasgow installed blue street lights in certain neighborhoods which resulted in a reduced crime rate. For example, males reported that red colored outfits made women seem more attractive, while women answered that the color of a male’s outfit did […]
I don’t want to be here anymore, I’ve known this since I was very young. But only now that I’m over 40, I’m no longer living on some autopilot or “unawakened” state. I’m awake. I get it. Oneness, we are all one, the energy, the unified field, the energy of love, the veil, the illusion, the ego. Got it… I’m done now, I don’t want to force peace and happiness upon myself or others, what for? People and life keep pushing back and I want to leave now, I can’t keep this up on my own.
If I ended up here with this pitiful story, what’s […]
And I can’t make myself study for any of them, I just don’t have the energy. It takes every bit of strength I have just to climb out of bed in the morning. This is bullshit, I’m thinking this summer will be my last. I’m gonna go visit some family on the other side of the country, come back to CA to pick up my crossbow and hike far enough into the woods that the smell of my rotting corpse won’t bother anyone, then I’ll put a bolt through my skull. May seem excessive, but I’ve survived ODing twice and an attempted hanging, so this […]
Quiet
In the silence
There’s a riot going on
Slowly
Going down
There’s a storm
In the mind
Of the wild one
It’s blackout
Or charge up
There’s an energy crisis
In his heart
Tearing him apart
Being honest with my self, I feel suicidal, I constantly have toughs about killing myself and ending this misery once and for all.But I really don’t want to die, I just want to live without the constant overwhelming feeling of not having energy, being tired all the time, not seeing a good future, feeling alone even with lots of people around me and having this thing called asperger syndrome that makes me feel horrible when I try to socialize or establish relationships. Or perhaps its true I just don´t belong here and must end all of this as quick and painless as possible.
This is silly. I finally realize the number one thing that’s been retarding every attempt I make at living, and things just get worse. I’m stupid. My reason is gone. I don’t even get intoxicated anymore. It’s just a way to relieve the pressure in my head. I’ve grown up so much lately. And every ounce of maturity carries with it in equal weight a new wavelength of despair. I have no energy. I am a brick. I cannot think. I’m just being lazy. I’m a coward. I’m afraid to be strong. Being strong takes too much energy. I don’t have energy. I am a […]
im tired of being tired im exhausted at this point il never be perfect or beautiful il always feel like an inconvenience and i no im stronger than this but right now i dont have the energy to fight this dark negativity
Okay so I got on my soapbox about loneliness and how shitty the world is. Been doing this for a long time so it feels like home. I received several comments about getting out and so I did. I went to a local coffee shop, grabbed a chai and sat in the corner observing the world. Did this help – well not really because everyone was oblivious to my presence and once again I disappeared into the wall. I made one feable attempt to communicate but I ran out of energy and dropped to the floor. When I got back up it seemed like I […]
My ex boyfriend and I broke up 9 months ago, it feels like it happened just last week. How easily he could move on, just left me there waiting for him. He wasn’t man enough to tell me he had found someone else, instead he led me on thinking that we were still on a “break”… Having to find the truth out myself was so heart wrenching, would not ever comprehend why he could not be upfront about it. Months and months pass and he will come back looking for a friendship not knowing i was still in love with him, having to see him […]
Hi guys. Today’s been a rough day. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m almost one-year self harm free, but today I almost lost. I was at my choir concert, and I was sad, I’ve been struggling with my depression for a week. But after our performance it was like all my energy was gone and before I even knew what was happening I had my hair clip out of my hair and right against my arm. I almost did it. I don’t know why. I was able to stop myself. But I just wondered if you guys had any theories about why […]
Maybe I can’t do it. I know my soul. It gets satisfaction only in degradation. I just want to rot. I think that’s because I have seen the end, traveled the farthest . There is nothing left for me to know. And I know it’s all futile. And it doesn’t prompt me to suicide; it only prevents me from finding a positive, satisfying motivation in doing anything that’s beneficial for me. And that would be all good and satisfying, i would be very happy in rotting, if there wasn’t this constant pressure, this sense of obligation that i feel towards my family. I just can’t make […]
Helplessness is such a cruel thing… I feel my lowest when I feel helpless. But it wasn’t always like this. I was happy, I was in control, I had strength but when I get stuck in this helplessness hole I crumble. But I know theres a way out but I don’t have the right idea to inspire myself out of this. I need to make my mind positive but it’s hard. My friend saved me once in a moment of pure unjudgemental love but this time feels different. There is something I yearn for in my heart. It really depresses me that I’m not as […]
I moved to university in 2013, and was so happy to finally live near friends and be out of my house.
Stuff has gotten better and better. I found work and stayed here over the summer. I started dating a fantastic guy. I found a group of great girlfriends. I should be happy.
But im not. The same pain that was there when everything sucked is still here. I still lie in bed almost every might just bawling, wishing I didn’t have to wake up in the morning.
I want to die. I want to give up completely. But I’m scared of screwing up even that. I’m scared […]
First, I fully admit that this is childish and stupid, but it pisses me the hell off, so I’m going to write about it. (In retrospect, I think I got mad about the same thing last year – there’s a fucking suprise.)
Friday was my birthday. As with every other year, no one remembered other than my parents. (Which I am grateful for – they’re getting up there in years and my mom is terminally ill, so it meant a lot.) But, what makes me mad is that I have “friends”. I call these friends, I try to be there, to listen, to help out, etc. […]
Hi again all. I apologize to those of you whom I did not reply to on my last post. All of your input was extremely helpful and I am so happy ive joined this site.
Anywho, I want to inquire about the following-
Does anyone else want to leave their body? I feel so over whelmed in this body. I want my consciousness/energy to be released. I want to be everywhere or anywhere at any given time, yet I’m stuck in this vessel of a body. I feel as if if I left this body I’d be so much happier and free. I don’t want to have […]
keeps trying to take him from me. if he goes to work for his stupid uncle traveling he knows I can’t do that. now he’s gone for two days and I didn’t even know I just want out. how many energy drinks do I have to drink? alcohol will be included in this too
I have always been a failure. For most of my life I have been successful at convincing others that I have things together and know where I’m trying to go and what I’m trying to do, but I have never known. Any successes I have had have stemmed purely from luck and circumstance and any situations that I have been deprived of either of these has led to certain failure and a complete inability to function like a human being. And in many of those circumstances where I did get lucky, I was either discovered a fraud or imploded the situation myself out of fear […]
Ever heard of MSM? It’s a dietary supplement, so it’s all natural. It enhances cell permeability and thus allows nutrients to flow more freely. It makes you feel a lot more energetic! Sleeping might be more difficult, but lol. Compared to the lack of motivation associated with depression, this makes me feel like I could do anything! Like woaaah. And it’s not a drug either, it’s naturally found in diet. It’s also called organic sulfur, and it’s in garlic, meat, chicken, eggs and milk and so on. It’s also available as pills and powders in health stores. The powder tastes awful. You should take it […]
The next step. I take the next step. Then have no energy. Where is the vessel of life? How do I refill it? The rent wall leaks to the floor all I pour in. The holidays are here. Time to live for others. No time to die. But I am so tired. So very tired.