i’ve always been someone who needs to be someone to other people, you know? having lots of friends who depend on and trust me has been the thing that keeps me going and makes me appreciate myself and my life. i don’t know when exactly i ran out of energy to spend on other people. why did that happen? at some point i became insanely apathetic. i had no energy to try and take care of everyone anymore. i lost my purpose, my calling in life and people got mad at me for not caring enough. why did i become such a bad friend? now i’m […]
Tag:
energy
To whom it may concern:
I just wanted you all to know (you know who you are), that i appreciate the time and energy, as well as the privilege of an audience, and debate… the interactions… those of you who have, have shared with me.
You all helped me in ways i cannot sufficiently verbalize, even in the harsh times. I spent a lot of time here, shared many thoughts, ideas and feelings, with many people. You guys were like my e-family. You guys were there to challenge me, or to comfort me, or to just occupy my focus… when i needed anyone, and had no one […]
I sometimes feel as if I can not tell the difference between actual reality and the one in my mind. I think the worst of people and their intentions. I want to trust. Especially when people are seeming to earn it and be found deserving of my trust. However I can not shake the feeling that it is all just an elaborate act. I don’t like people. I used to. Not so much anymore. Maybe that’s just because of the people in my life that love me, spend their time and energy on me and have no idea who I really am and how dark […]
It started out with being fired and then it went to trying to come off paxhell! Rapid heart beat…hospitalization for the first time for panic attack. Its been a slow downward spiral for 6 months. Two days ago i realized all this pain is my fault and i can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the ocd and the guilt, the derealization, the pills. I can barely hold down my job. Im afraid im going to give up. I can’t take it. Waiting to see this specialist and this specialist. Im so embarrassed but i dont have the energy to wait anymore. Im so tired […]
I am clumsy oath. I have no feel. I tried to massage my mother. I do not seem to feel anything. What am I good at? What am I doing here?
My ideas get rejected. I cannot even do a simple university assignment. I want to leave my university. My ego wants me to stay even I know really well I am going to kick out.
I like being alone because I feel even more alone with the people around me.
I am tired. I want all this to stop. I just don’t have the guts or energy to end this. THe world has come […]
Am I the only one who uses alcohol/pot to get through the day? I mean I know it’s not good in the long run, but in the moment it helps. I get to a point where I literally cannot bear the pain, it’s just too much, and I honestly feel that if I didn’t have to booze to wear me out and let me forget i would drive straight to the Golden Gate Bridge and jump. I feel like booze have saved my life a couple times this week, I just drink to the point where I don’t have the energy or motivation to hurt […]
I want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of what’s right & wrong. Everyday is a huge waste of energy. I just want to disappear. I’m tired of being the crazy one. The one in therapy…that’s not working. So I feel like a failure. I fail at all I touch.
Living each day with so much difficulty, having to force myself through each task or activity is so exhausting. I don’t even have the energy to commit to dying. I wish there was a switch to flip so it could just end. I feel like a burden on my husband. He is so good to me and all I do is treat him like shit and fuck up his life with all my bullshit. I am torn between wanting to live for them and wanting to die for them. . . and for me. I’m just not strong enough to keep going. I just […]
I don’t know what to do. I am stressed out and dont think i have the energy to get through yet another day. I don’t have anyone to talk me through anything since we moved. Noone cares. I am pretty sure if I died tonight, I wouldn’t be missed. I am tired of helping everyone, And putting on a happy face when nothing is okay. I want to die right now.
I haven’t been here in about a week…mainly because I was feeling pretty good. A good level place. Today I was running on pure hyped up energy. Haven’t been eating all to well…and today I feel…too good. Does that make sense? Have you ever felt that way? I seriously feel like I’m climbing up a really tall tree right now. I keep looking down and seeing how far I’ve gone but keep going higher. I have the shakes. Nervous laughter keeps bubbling up my throat. I’m home alone and find myself moving from room to room because sitting in one place doesn’t feel good….even though […]
Watching football this weekend and joking with SP posters about it was a nice distraction to the tormenting in my head. I still can’t think beyond Monday but I did take my meds tonight… I even contacted a few doctors. I don’t fucking know. I stop myself every time I think about the future. I don’t have the energy to fix my life after 3 years of hell… deferring grad school twice. There is no way my brain can recover in time to restart grad school in January.
Thanks guys… I didn’t feel so alone today.
Okay, well where should I begin? First, you should know that I’m not a very open person. At all. Second, I’ve been “depressed” for about a year now. Or maybe longer, I don’t really know. Not many people know about my depression. And yes I’ve self harmed many times.
This is currently my second day of missing school and I’m so far behind already that it’s frightening. I lack the motivation to do anything anymore. I’ve basically ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. And I’m currently destroying all my friendships because I don’t have the energy to keep up with everyone. Have I tried discussing this […]
I’m done. I’ve really tried hard over the past three years to save myself but I just can’t do it. My psychiatrist abandoned me (yes, she did). Long story. I just can’t take it anymore. She was the last person in my life who believed in me. Clearly, she doesn’t believe in me anymore. I’m done with this life. I don’t have the strength to fight this anymore. I have a busy week so I need all my energy to go into my death… preparing instructions for my mom to care for my cats, writing goodbye and f*** you letters to people, cleaning my house so […]
I’ve vaguely researched the effects of depression on the body. Most of it is things I know just from being depressed for so long. Like when you’re depressed, you have body aches, fatigue and so forth. I’m wondering if that could be the cause of my migraines. It’s more than that though. I feel like my body is shutting down. I wonder just how much the mind communicates with the body. Obviously there’s a link, but I think it’s a lot more than what I’ve read or learned over the years. I don’t think they understand the full impact depression and anxiety have on the […]
I tried on Tuesday. Failed. Will not fail this weekend. No energy right now. Waiting for SO to go out so i can go out alone and do what has to be done. My therapist gave me a crisis line, lol. Like I would call. I don’t think so. I’ve done so in the past, jsut feel silly. I’m done .
You label me as high functioning. Apparently that is my anchor. The fact I can go to work and attend university. That I present a facade of normality that rivals that of any you have ever seen. I assume, in the way it is delivered, that it is meant to be a compliment. That it manifests in some super human strength to carry on living while I am already dead. The reality is much less glamorous. I spend my work days pretending to bother myself with their petty and inconsequential issues, generally a result of their own stupidity. Then I go to school, and expend […]
I hate living alone. I hate knowing no one is ever going to walk through the door besides me. I hate never feeling anyone else’s energy in the house. I’m going crazy.
i have been on pils for over a year but i only feel more energy the pils were for taking care of my depresion but now i dont know i have a hatetrid so big but will to hold it down but i dont know were to put over 12 years of hate suffer pain so now i walk arond my doctor say im fine now but i feel emty not a box with a big hole more but just emty and burning i try to hold it away by hanging out with frends but it cant help for ever i feel like im in […]
How? Just HOW? I just met my sister and she has 2 jobs now. I can’t even do this one job without falling down the suicidal thoughts slope again recently. And it’s not even a job I entirely hate. Plus I am ALREADY on meds.
Just how can people do that. And don’t get me wrong, I am NOT a lazy whiny jerk that has nothing to do but complain. I just don’t understand.
Sometimes… sometimes I think my past and childhood has robbed all my energy. And now I don’t have any left to live.
I’ve tried for a very long to just simply put on a mask and fake it till I make it when it comes to being okay. I don’t have much energy left for it though. I can tell my mask has begun to crack and the will I had to hold on and hold out has been fading much more rapidly that ever before. I don’t have anyone to talk with on any of this nor have I ever. What I hate most about it, is I hardly feel there is even a reason I should feel like this. I just cant find a way […]