I feel so alone and like there is nothing left for me to do anymore. I do not see a point of me being here. I am going to plan things accordingly.. Until then.. I am going to do what ever it is to be okay but I need to figure out a better method. I do not like to put a lot of thought into it because sometimes I get scared about what ever it is that could go wrong and I would still be here. I hate that I have to suffer inside and that no one at school or at home sees […]
Tag:
enough
Have you ever just felt unappreciated? You go above and beyond for everyone and some way some how you’re always lacking something. Nothing you do is good enough, who you are isn’t good enough. It gets lonely at that point and all you want is someone who sees how rare you really are and appreciates it and holds on to you as long as they can because they know for a fact another like you won’t come along.
You begin to feel stuck and don’t know what else to do with yourself. It weighs in heavier and heavier, the depression, the sadness, the emptiness, and […]
Things I tell myself on a daily basis..
They probably think you’re so stupid
They think you’re a joke
Why are you like this
Why can’t you be something the can be proud of
Why can’t you do anything right
You never fail at disappointing people
You created this whole shit fest of a life that you’re stuck in
Lay down and wither away
Don’t cry.. Do not cry
You’re such a fucking coward
You could never possibly be good enough to be likeable
You have never and will never finish anything because you fail
You will never truly be worth someone’s time
You are nothing..
Rot […]
Still here. Unfortunately. I can’t even find the bravery kill myself and make the world better for everyone around me (and for me).
My cousin hanged himself in 1993, out in Colorado. My other cousin was an alcoholic and flipped his truck in 1997 and offed himself that way. Not on purpose, I think, but how many happy alcoholics do you know? And here sits the other genetic freak of the family, the other poor sucker unfortunate enough to feel. I was 12 when the first one went, 16 when the second one did. They were both in their […]
It has been 11 months since I got cheated on the day before my birthday. I made a date with the weekend of the 4th of april; I just need to book the hotel.. so far all my plans were about being silent, calm, alone so that my body would be discovered only by the amount of concern people have for me.
Now, I plan to jump down from the highest hotel this city has to offer me with enough pills to make sure that I will be K.O. during the free fall…
The reason? Partly the fact that this girl cheated on me over and over […]
Every single time I push myself towards doing it thats all I can think of…and my teacher wonders why he has to chastise me for taking so long to get started on it…
But this is what I chose…out of all the things I could be, I chose what I liked best, and its enough to drive me to the point of suicide…
I either need to start working or bite the bullet already…but oh no, those aren’t the two only choices obviously…there are never two choices; I could try and join the military again, if they’d take some suicidal person like me who has scars on […]
I am wondering if there is a link between Asperger’s and autoerotic asphyxia? Considering that AEA is not talked about nearly often enough, it is difficult and frustrating to come up with a determination? I get a feeling that a high percentage of people who have died from AEA had Asperger’s or were on the autism spectrum? Based on their profile, they were creative and had rather high IQs.
Even though a lot of people who are into AEA have Asperger’s, there are very few people with Asperger’s who are into AEA, however many people with Asperger’s feel awkward in social situations, have a difficult time […]
I’ve never felt this alone. Day by day I get worse. I don’t no if I should admit myself. Or what. I no I can’t handle being the way I am. I’m not afraid of death it seems quite peaceful. I don’t want my family to find me . last night I took a lot of sleep aid enough to trank a horse.. Unfortunately I woke up this morning , yes. I was angry so angry. So I was determine to find something I wouldn’t wake up from.. And nothing. SSomeone just please give me some advice… Please..
I have no more doubts about my suicide anymore. I know that it’s necessary for me to leave this world to find peace, to end this misery. I’m filling up my time to avoid suspicion or hospitalization at the moment, so I’m just working on becoming fluent in German haha.
Oh, and an update. No matter what I do, it’s not fucking good enough and everyone still hates me. So really, nothing new. I still hate myself. Nothing good enough to live for. I’m always just going to be a failure, a shadow in the dark, good for nothing hopeless freak.
I get crap for literally everything.
My music, my hair, my weight, my face, my personality, my sexuality, just everything.
I’m so tired of it..I know it seems ridiculous, but every day I get told to kill myself or hurt myself in general. I know I could just ignore it, but it’s not that easy when it constantly happens.
I don’t want to exist anymore. I won’t be hard to be forgotten. I’m just a waste lf space, time, and life. People have tried to help me, but it feels like there’s this darkness that kust pulls me back. No matter how hard I try. It’s killing me. […]
http://youtu.be/ynEaeoJJOyM
I don’t see a point of me being here. What is the point of trying when no one loves you ( I am not saying that I need to rely on someone to be here I am saying that it would be nice to be heard) I honeslty don’t care anymore. It really is all a matter of time before I am gone. No one sees me hurting. I am usually very vocal and speak my mind, I guess it’s not enough. Everyone is blind and doesn’t need to care. They only care about themselves. I don’t want to be the center of attention I […]
Don’t you just love those nights people trying to pull you down making you feel stupid for saying it in the first place. When you already got fucking enough on ur mind as it is. I am about to lose it……
there comes a time when the people around you, are like, “enough already”… they may not say it to your face but you can tell that part of them wishes you would just go away.
that time has come and gone for me. its been 5 years.
and now, here i am- living alone again- waking up everyday to the harsh reality that it is my real life that is the nightmare, while tidbits of sleep offer my only sense of relief
it is beyond reason to struggle to survive just to live a nightmare- there is no point in that, no quality to life
if i could just sleep- […]
I think I should start by noting that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression (and psychotic depression) as well as multiple forms of anxiety that include social and general. Yea, my mind is a terrible place. I’ve been to a lot of therapists and taken almost every prescription drug for my disorders and nothing helps and I’m too tired to fight it anymore. I’ve even been experiencing episodes of psychotic depression which is honestly terrifying because I know it’ll get progressively worse. I’ve been hospitalized inpatient 3 times and 1 outpatient stay. As I’ve gotten older my disorders worsen. I attempted suicide for […]
I have a feeling tonight is the night. So if it is, goodnight and I wish you all the best for your futures. I appreciate all the support tou have all given me but I dont think it was enough. Robert Frost once wrote the lines “and miles to go before I sleep/ and miles to go before I sleep.” It seems I have finished travelling the miles. So now I may sleep.
– effy stonem
Almost 12 in the morning. I haven’t get out of bed. Downstairs, my dogs are barking at something. They’re nervous, they haven’t gone for a walk for some days now. I feel terribly guilty for it. I guess that just not guilty enough to find the courage to face the world.
At some point, I’ll need to leave the bed, even if it’s just to feed them and go to the bathroom. It feels like an enormous job to do.
No Internet, not phone at home. The bill hasn’t been paid. Some weeks ago, it would have dragged me to anxiety. Today, it’s almost a relief not […]
Does anyone else just get really frustrated with people who think they are helping you? The ones that constantly compliment you? Because they have this naive delusion that if they just keep saying it over and over again, somehow it will change how you think about yourself? The compliments are just awkward aren’t they? When what you believe is the exact opposite of what they are saying? You know they are trying to be nice, and they are trying to help. but it just makes you feel uncomfortable and its annoying and you wish they would stop and you hate hearing it because it feels […]
Question: If no one is here to save me from the demons, and supposedly I can’t rely on others am I all alone?
I have fought the monster in my head called depression for so long. I am sorry that people have tried to save me and that it wasn’t enough. I am trying to restrain myself from the pills that sit next to me on the table. All of those medications that tried to make me better, THEY DID NOT WORK. The depression has worsened, I fake a smile and try to be anyone but the fucked up, messed up, person I am. I seem […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BCI4twcXg
I am the ugly duckling. I seem to always be the odd one out. My mother never seems to approve of the friends I do make and what ever choices I do make are “Stupid” and not “Rational” because I am a teenager. I think that it is okay to make the decisions that I learn lessons from. I am safe and I don’t make the decisions that are unsafe. (most of the time) I seem to be a “good girl” because I don’t do drugs or drink or what ever people define as a “teen at risk”. I don’t judge people I try to […]
I’ll take you back to a place unseen,
Back when I was just wee lil teen,
I know this might seem hard to believe in,
But there’s a side of me ya all ain’t seein’,
Dads never home, nether is my mother
never sees nether ever since they split
growing up in a world so alone and so fragile
Way too many friends, only talked to a few of them,
The rest don’t even want anything to him,
He found a girl when he was just fourteen,
who would have thought it be all a bad dream,
Was going good dating for a solid two […]