I’ve been standing here for the last 20 minutes trying to get enough courage to step of the stupid chair, I want to leave so bad but I just can’t take this last step!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!
Tag:
enough
I had a relatively good upbringing. Compared to what some other people on this site have had to go through, I have had an easy life. I have a loving wife and loving children. My children are what keeps me here.
But I hate that I exist. I have never hated anyone enough to murder them. Except for myself. I have constant fantasies of different ways to destroy my body. Those fantasies bring me peace.
I was halfway to a big city last night where I was going to jump from the top of a tall parking garage. A sign over the freeway told me that there […]
If I went back a year in time i would have certainly made many more drastic decisions that would have prevented me from getting to this point in life, and yet here I am. I have everything to live for, except for the will or enthusiasm. one year ago today i fell into a fugue state that has kept me from feeling anything. I am operating only on my left brain. The analytical side. The smart side. The correct side. And I am finally i am considering its intentions. I am considering that in one year if i am still alive i will only wish […]
I haven’t been able to stop the tears from rolling today. Driving out to pick up my kids I almost slammed into a semi full of fuel but didn’t and then had a second chance to pull right out in front of one doing 70mph. I’m sure that would’ve done the trick and it would have been an accident so my kids would still get the life insurance. But I hadn’t seen my babies for a week and I couldn’t leave them without one last hug and kiss goodbye. Today I confided in the guy that seems to be the root of my demons only […]
I didn’t do it, I never will hopefully.
While I do think that suicide should be a human right, I can safely say that unless I was unfortunate enough to be diagnosed with some
sort of horrible disease I don’t think I will ever kill myself.
🙂
Sorry for wasting the time of anyone who read the original post.
Peace and Love to you all.
🙂
I love it. it’s legal and makes me sleepy and high as hell depending how much little pink pills I take. just three enough to make me not walk straight and see things moving that aren’t… I hope they slowly kill me
Hello stranger,
I do hope you’ll forgive yet another pointless eyesore distracting from your conversations. That’s all I expect most of you to read anyway, so feel free to disregard the rest of this rant.
The few times I manage to click on Publish instead of Move to Trash I question what good it did. How can I expect a perfect stranger to give two shits about what I have to say when the people I’ve know for years don’t? The truth is that I don’t. I don’t know why I continue to try.
I’ve lurked in the shadows long enough to know that there are a few […]
I’m so tired of this. Every night the urge gets worse. Worst part is, I don’t think I’ll ever work up the nerve to kill myself. I can’t buy a gun, and there’s no way to hang myself (nothing sturdy enough to withstand the jolt of a body dropping). I don’t have strong enough rope, anyway. There’s a knife in here with me, and in the moments when I slither out of bed to look out at the sky–star light star bright please don’t make me live another night–I hold it, study it, contemplate it. It’s blunt, and forcing it past layers of skin and […]
I left my husband for love. We had been together almost a decade and he provided me a nice home and new cars, anything I needed and worked hard to do so. We had a two year old son when I left for another man. This man was charming and loving, came home every night and seemed to put me first. I guess I deserve the nightmare of marriage we’ve had for the last 5 years. He’s left me three times, twice at Christmas for two weeks and another time for two months because he was arrested for hitting me. He broke the no contact […]
Has anyone never let anyone in before. Not out of fear but simply not caring enough and then met someone who they thought walked on water and was prepared to die for. I love her so much, it’s been 10 months 3 weeks and 2 days since she left me. It’s not like I’m a loner or anything I know loads of people who love and care about me. I could get another girlfriend who’s more attractive. But there’s something about her, I just adore and I don’t know why. It doesn’t make any sense and isn’t logical at all. She has confirmed repeatedly she’d […]
Yup, that’s me. Moron extraordinaire. I dunno if that’s a word but it is now. I’m a moron. I’m the moron of morons. Im the king of idiots and bad choices and stupidity. God knows other people have told me that enough. But you know what? I’m perfectly fine with being a moron. In fact, I quite like it. Everyone’s trying to be something they’re not and I’m just chilling being a moron. I’m one step ahead of you, society. Ha!
You label me as high functioning. Apparently that is my anchor. The fact I can go to work and attend university. That I present a facade of normality  that rivals that of any you have ever seen. I assume, in the way it is delivered, that it is meant to be a compliment. That it manifests in some super human strength to carry on living while I am already dead. The reality is much less glamorous. I spend my work days pretending to bother myself with their petty and inconsequential issues, generally a result of their own stupidity. Then I go to school, and expend […]
I keep trying and nothing is ever good enough for anyone. I give him everything he wants, do whatever he tells me but that’s not enough. I just want to be done…with everything.
Last year I had an abortion… It was unplaned and my dad had told me before that he’ll kill himself if I let him down… He was on his knees crying like a baby when he said that, and that was the image I kept in my mind trough the procedure. My bf ay the time didn’t push me to do it… But neither showed me another option. So I did it and tried to live normally after that. I justo couldn’t. I finished the relationship because looking at his face remind me every time what have I done. And I found someone who gain […]
It comes back and just consumes me and even when I try to feel I can’t. I feel empty and I’m alone I should feel sad but instead I feel nothing. Ugh it is the most annoying thing ever! I watched a movie recently, one of those rare weird movies that people typically don’t tend to watch. And I made such a connection I felt understood like I could understand, of course on certain levels because not each person and situation is the same. But I shared a similar pain and it sucks and im so numb this very second that I don’t care enough […]
Tonight’s the night I end it. The only person I ever loved left me and won’t talk to me . I lost a baby and my friends don’t care anymore. I can’t wait to just go to sleep and never wake up. I only hope I do it quickly or that if I drink enough that the pain will be quick. I wish I could have told him I love him one last time.
I love you
But I cannot be with you
I love you
But I cannot hold you
I love you
But I am so far away
I love you
But I am not strong enough to stay
I love you
But it’s been so long since I’ve seen you
I love you
But you seen to be attempting to elude my mind
I love you
But my memories are fading
I love you
But the day has turned to night
I love you
But the sunlight’s hidden behind the moons shadow
I love you
But I can no longer linger amongst the living
I love […]
Death has been on my mind for quite some time now. a few years ago I never would have utter the words wanting to die, just let me be able to kill myself. now the words just come so easy and i just feel like I am getting so close to the edge. I think it is a possibility that I will have the strength to do it. Everyday is something new that just keeps adding to the pile of shit that is already on top of me. I feel so worthless like nothing I do matters. Nobody has time for me when I need […]
Hello everybody. I really hate alot of things about myself. I recently discovered that I’m transsexual. I’m an 18 year old attending college to get a mechanical engineering degree. I feel like if I transition I’m going to destroy everything I worked for because I heard that workplaces just hate hiring transgender people. I also feel like if I transition I’m going to end up still looking manly due to being fat, acne ridden and hairy. I am also half black and from what I researched and understand black male to female transgender people don’t transition well. And to make things worse I’m not able […]
I Â have a specific day in mind to perform the last task. Â It’s perfect really, and essentially the closest day I can do it all on my own. 18th birthday is perfect, And although its 9 months away, I’m determined I’ll do it. The ups and downs I have don’t fool me into hope, cause ive experienced life and what I’ve felt is enough to make a decision. So from now until then my posts will be full of bs. Thank you