I dont know how it will be finished. all depend on a phon call that i will make after tomorrow.any way i had enough bad expriences in my life to conferm that the main problem in my life is me .
Tag:
enough
the past few days have just been the worst I am seriously in so much emotional and mental pain. I havent ever felt more empty or hopeless than I do now and sometimes I just wanna say fuck it and grab my fucken gun and just try to end it and hope that i’ll be lucky enough to die. I swear it feels like a shitload of misery and sadness and hopelessness just fell out of the sky and landed right on me. I feel so alone right now so empty i’m sitting here just bawling me eyes out and I can’t stop I just […]
Been dating a girl for almost a year now and we couldn’t be happier , but I’m scared because every girl I’ve ever been with has cheated on me… I mean I’m accustomed to being cheated on :/ its beome a fact of relationships for me, but this one hasn’t cheated on me…. but I’m sure she will And the thought of her with someone ELSE is gut wrenching and painful 🙁 I’m just SO scared that the day is coming… it always seems to. I’m never good enough and its only a matter of time before she sees I’m not good enough and she […]
I’ve been coping since the middle of December. I just can’t get past everything that has happened.
I was sexually abused from age 9-12 by my father’s half-brother. At 18, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder, for which I was in a state psychiatric facility. While I was a patient there, I was on a pass (meaning I could leave the hospital premises, which that time I was for a week). On the last full day, I was raped by someone who I knew and was a childhood friend. I refuse to tell my family about the rape because they […]
At 12 when I did my first depression, I really wanted to die so badly. Then I found that what I really wanted in life was love. Everything I ever did what for that goal and it’s the only thing that makes me happy. The only thing that could keep me alive, the only thing that would make my life worth living. So yea, I needed to be loved and didn’t try to kill myself, it was some kind of a second chance I thought. Second chance… for what? to feel even more miserable, hurt and dead inside? The only thing that keeps me alive […]
This isn’t really something I usually do, I’m more of the “bottle it up” kind of guy, but I really need to get this out and Google led me here as an appropriate place to do so. It’s up to you if you want to read all this, but at least if you do, I have some validation of my efforts. Which I imagine would be nice.
Well… here goes.
I should be happy or satisfied enough really, shouldn’t I?
I mean, I did life right. I left school, got a steady dead end job and got myself a place to live independently. In this […]
Things become complicated when talking about the source of my depression…Â Apart from the Bipolar and the usual day to day naturaly occurring depression, there is almost certainly a third…
Appologies for the length of the post, I hope someone is bored enough to read the whole thing ;)Â I just wanted to post it in case I had to explain things again at some point…
I have a fairly rare connective tissue disorder called Marfan’s Syndrome. About one in every 5000 people are affected. The condition is extremely hard to diagnose and I was only diagnosed by the age of 28. As a baby, I refused […]
Hello everyone on this wonderfully miserable forum 😉
I am thinking of offing myself soon, but the trouble is I am a bit stuck in that Twilight Zone where you don’t know how to live, and don’t know how to die.
I was thinking of using my car to achieve Poisoning. I have a pretty old car so I guess that will do the trick.
But now I am told that taping a bag over my head will probably not be as bad as it seems, as you just fall asleep at some point.
Anyone has experience with either of these methods?
I’ve had enough pain in life, and I […]
I can’t, I just can’t give more…
It does not really worth it to be around here… Pain after pain, leveling up, feeling worst. Behind every laugh there is a bitter memory which stops me and stops me, again and again. I was born not to love but to suffer. Everyone hates me. No girl can love me, no human will share with me.. I feel sad, more sad than ever. I can’t go ahead, I am ready to fade away. I will miss my dog, my ex-girl, family, friends, and most of all, my good old memories, which kept me going up, but is not […]
Today I told my mom pretty much that I hated her. We got into this big arguement about nothing. Then we got into another one and it was about my best friend/sisster. She told me I was hanging out with her too much and asked me if we were gay. I said ” You know what I’m getting tired of being accused of being gay. But I’m not and neither is she. Maybe she’s not old enough to be my mother but at least she’d treat me like a mother is supposed to because obviously you don’t give a shit about me. And if you […]
It’s crazy, I graduated high school at sixteen. I’m twenty now, and still only have two college classes under my belt because I can’t afford school working my crap job. I barely make enough to get by while eating only once or twice a day, and I can’t even work right now because my knee is too fucking damaged to walk on. Yet with all the things that I should be more worried about, I care more about the fact that I’m a magnet for stupid sluts while a girl that I can have an intelligent conversation with, or that hasn’t slept with […]
I like being alone, I like when I have my own.
I can think enough to talk to myself,
But not enough to forget how I felt.
He still remains on my mind,
Like I can’t take him apart.
I like being alone, cause I can talk to him,
I can hear his voice on my head, telling a verse,
but somehow I forget,
How to make him go away.
27/01/14
9:23 pm
Well, to be honest, I didn’t think I needed to be.
Since the last time I attempted suicide, I was feeling better. I still had mental health problems and I think I always will have but they calmed down. At least, on the suicide note they did. But my depression had been getting worse in a different way- I could barely get out of bed, I couldn’t bring myself to wash, eat or drink anything until I was offered, I couldn’t bring myself to change out of my pyjamas. I was a complete mess and still am.
My anxiety was getting worse too, but in a different […]
Forgive me for not seeing your view of the abnormal fantasy.
Surrounded by walking feelings, of carefree and feel good sentiments.
Unaware of reality, not knowing how to live in the “now”.
Those tormenting thoughts, echoing the same questions to you, “why..”, and “how?”
Oh forgive me for what I have done…
forgive me for carelessly hurting you..
forgive me, for forcing a new life onto you..
for wanting to prepare you for the true pains of life..
I wanted to release your beauty, in it’s true form, but failed to realize on time, that it just can’t be.
Never again, will those pains bother you.
Never again will the dreams of pure hearts be […]
The worst part about being on the receiving end of pain, is that sometimes yer smart enough to notice why. Sometimes that makes it better, because you notice reluctance, guilt, sadness. Other times you notice self-indignat anger, disgust, fury, & and a little hatred.
But mostly, one can’t help but notice that people don’ think they’re hurtin’ ya. Actually, they don’t even look at ya. That’s the worst kind. The frigid silence that makes one feel small, the eyes that will not notice, and the title-looking. That’s what I hate most. We all have titles. They float over our heads, self-given, peer-given, mentor-given, lovingly given. But […]
Do you get that?
Because you think everything is “boring and a waste of time.” Â You can’t actually believe it… it must be an excuse to justify you doing nothing to change your life and start living on your own terms.
They know nothing of how hard exactly you’ve worked to change it and they assume that it is indeed possible to change. Â Knowing nothing about you, this is the pure assumption they cling to to discredit how you really feel. Â That it must be impossible for someone to take no pleasure in doing anything and find that the mere act of existing is the waste of […]
My boyfriend who “loves me” is messaging his ex, saying they are close friends or whatever . Well I don’t like it, it’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s about respect and if theirs no respect in a relationship then theirs no relationship.
It’s not the fact that he can text her a storm and rarely message me throughout the day no, but for him to get upset about my feelings?
He wouldn’t like it of I were to be messaging my Ex, no, no, no he wouldn’t. You know what else he wouldn’t like if my Ex messaged me saying […]
What is the true definition of perfection?
Entirely without any flaws or defects
We are all perfect in God’s eyes. He made us from his own image.
You might be thinking:
Why did he do this to me?
Why did he put me through this?
Why can’t anyone else see what he sees?
You know I don’t really know the answers to these questions either because I was asking them too at one point in time. But one very wise person once told me:
He only put you through this because he knew you were strong enough to handle it. So don’t loose Faith in him. Don’t give up Hope. For he knows […]
it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!
Give me a valid reason to live and I wont go, simple as that. Please don’t give me that “You’re family and friends will miss you” bullshit. All my family is dead, all my friends left me, there is no one who loves me or cares  about me. Do you understand why I’m so bitter? Fuck living, I’ve had enough of this shit! All my life has been pain! My parents beating the shit out of me and molesting me, all my ” friends” making fun of me, I’m glad my family is dead! I’m glad I have no friends, all people do is hurt […]