When you know everything is so fucked up and you can’t do anything about it?
When you really want to die but you have reasons to live?
When you really need someone to talk but no one is there for you?
Because I do..
Tag:
everything
I have been in mental anguish , agony for far too long. I don’t care you’re age or gender or even locale. I just want someone to talk about anything and everything. Maybe , we could help each other. I’ve been holding on for 7 years.
Email foxtrotz at aol
Bobby
Do you ever find yourself writing letters that you’ll never send? I don’t mean actual pen and paper letters, like maybe written down on your computer or as a draft in your inbox?
I’m doing it more often these days.
I write letters to everyone. Family. Friends. And you.
I think if I went I’d want them to be delivered to people. They are my essence. My everything. I don’t know any kind of post mortem delivery system for the suicidal though.
I find myself staring at the belt more and more. Nothing special. An old brown leather belt. It holds my weight, I’ve checked. So does the bed […]
I’ve never posted on here but I’ve been on here for a few days. I’ve been debating on telling my story, so I’m just going so say a little bit of it now.
I’m a senior in high school. A few years ago I sank into this depression. About a year ago I started cutting myself. I usually cut in a place that’s easy to hide, but sometimes I’ll cut on my forearm or near my wrist, asking for someone to notice and ask if I’m okay. I’ve actually set a date for myself once last may. I backed out of it though.
There has […]
Honestly, I’m so beyond done even trying. Im so glad my parents arent back home until friday because i wouldnt want them to hear my last moments. I dont care anymore everything is over and ive had enough i guess this is my last goodbye
“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.
But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.”
Veronica Roth, Insurgent #3
This passage resonates so deeply in me.
1. My dog.
2. nothing else.
Things I won’t miss
1. Disappointing everyone
2. Putting everyone on edge.
3. Messing up on a daily basis
4. The friends I thought I had.
5. The fact that you moved on before you’d scrubbed my blood off of your doorstep.
6. That you told me to die because I said I loved you and I needed your help.
I am sorry if you thought I ever blamed you, I really didn’t and I still don’t. You never were the cause of my problems, but I tried to make you the solution. I hope you’re happy in everything you do. I hope you never tell your kids […]
I’m very new to this site, I was searching for something a lot darker than this forum, and ended up finding this instead.
I relapsed the other night – hard – in every sense of the word. I began drinking again, I sliced my arms up, watching as the blood from my new wounds uncovered marks I made long ago; when I claimed I was done cutting and everything else the first time.
I hate this, I mean, I really loathe falling back into the same hole I promised I’d never find myself in again! But it’s whatever. I end up dead tomorrow, and nothing else would change. […]
I moved to university in 2013, and was so happy to finally live near friends and be out of my house.
Stuff has gotten better and better. I found work and stayed here over the summer. I started dating a fantastic guy. I found a group of great girlfriends. I should be happy.
But im not. The same pain that was there when everything sucked is still here. I still lie in bed almost every might just bawling, wishing I didn’t have to wake up in the morning.
I want to die. I want to give up completely. But I’m scared of screwing up even that. I’m scared […]
i think i might of fucked up this friendship super bad and im not sure if you come here anymore, or under a different name so i wont see you suffering, but, im sorry i didnt make more of an effort, i find it hard sometimes,but im not going to make excuses, it was shitty of me to do when you were suffering, and i wish i could go back and call you more, instead of waiting a week to call you, then letting it go when you didnt pick up,
i wish i tried to call you 5 times that night more even, instead of […]
She stood by the bedpost and looked out the window
Her voice was a whisper
Save me it muttered to the darkness
The moonlit room was a hollow heart
Much like the one inside her chest
Beating one, two, one, two
She put a dark red capsule into her mouth
And as a single tear rolled down her cheek
She looked back on everything she’d seen in her life
No more, her voice so soft she wasn’t sure she was even speaking
Her heartbeat slowed
Her eyes closed, tired of seeing the moon
And the last thing she saw was her eyelids
Locking the door […]
I don’t know any more. I don’t think that my time here is going to be much longer. I feel that I have done my journey, its all over for me. I miss my ex and the true love that we actually had together and how pure that love actually was to me. It was so clear and considering the time and effort that was spent on everything. The love we had for each other was something that I probably will never have again. I still love him and that love will always be with me <3 *sorry if this post makes no sense, I […]
And this is what she heard:
I am not afraid of death.
Fuck everything.
A suicide letter poem.
My therapist was my best friend for months.
What is death like?
Let’s run in circles forever.
I hate everyone.
——————————-
3 knocks.
No response.
She ran, for I was dead.
-effy stonem
I really don’t like this whole not being able to sleep thing…it screws everything up even more and leaves me so exhausted.
Reminiscing feels unhealthy. I am taxed with the question, “When will you settle down, get a wife, and have kids?”
I do not want kids… I do not want marriage. Why should I want these things when I do not believe in love anymore. The thought is beyond exhausting. I had always believed in giving someone all of my heart when in a “committed” relationship. Despite good intentions, best efforts, and more than several long term tries – it seems all I earned was heart ache;
• Incompatibility
• Incomprehension
• Infidelity
• Insincere Involvement
All that I am left with is • introspection… it must be me. My fault. It cannot be all of […]
Hey everyone. My last post is Urgent Please Read! if you wanna see my whole story. Anyways I really just want to die now. My parents are so freaking annoying, my friends all hate me b/c of a stupid rumor and now my sister doesnt like me anymore. Why? Well we used to hang out every week. Then she got a job working for a family of millionaires. They have a daughter my same age. They do EVERYTHING together. Now we only hang out maybe once a month. She never invites me to do anything and she gets mad whenever I say something. No this is […]
I have many secrets that I keep from everyone in my life. There is no one person who knows everything about me. Not even my family knows who I really am.
I don’t really like to have conversations with people, regardless of how close they supposedly are to me. I find it hard to have small talk, I usually don’t find anything interesting to talk about to them. I usually end up talking about myself, which I know comes off as being arrogant. When I do talk about myself, I end up talking about a version of myself that isn’t really true. I exaggerate and underplay […]
I have no one to talk to. I do not expect those that are in my life to understand. I have seen them feign seconds of interest only to direct conversation to themselves. Besides, my feelings and thoughts would only raise false concern and patronizing remarks – if history has shown me anything. Over the years I have learned to bury my emotions inside and isolate myself.
Lately, pretending has been hard. I am sure my smiles seem forced. I have lost all mental fortitude and I can longer stay composed. I want to be alone. I do not want to die. I only wish to not […]
the song you were thinkin of by bob dylan is Highway 61 revisted, i know how songs can linger in my head and bug the fuck otta me untill i figure it out; if you’re the same way, i hope this helps:
Soundtrack (The Bootleg Series Vol. 7). It was written by Bob Dylan.
Oh, God said to Abraham, “Kill me a son”
Abe says, “Man you must be puttin’ me on”
God says, “No”, Abe say “What?”
God say “You can do what you want Abe but
The next time you see me comin’ you better run”
Well Abe said, “Where do you want this […]
F is the cruelest letter
It tells you that it will never get better
That you are, and always will be
A failure, don’t you see?
This is your destiny, preordained
Molded by your own hands that have stained
Yourself, and everything around you
A deep, twisted blue
So do not aspire, do not dream
For life does not burst at the seams
With joy, mirth and green
Because for you, only one thing is foreseen
An end, a quiet end
So that you may send
Yourself to deepest black
Which shall take all that you lack
And consign it to silence
A most fitting penance
For a fool such as you