I’ve lost just about everything to depression. All my friends hate me because they don’t understand…I used to play the piano and violin and draw and paint and now…I just sit around waiting for nothing. My grades have dropped a lot too. I’m surprised I’m still alive though. I wrote a suicide note, I have the pills it takes, now it’s only a matter of time.
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I find myself spending virtually all my time thinking, contemplating how meaningless everything is, and what the world will be like after I am gone (and it seems much better without than with me.)
Don’t tell your talent to anyone until you become very successful person, they will keep an evil eye on your talent and they will destroy your talent. I was very talented/creative person created so many video games, art, pencil sketches, poems but I was not allowed to tell what I was doing. So everyone thought I was very dumb . I had the talent to become best student of my university but I end up being a dumb alone person who was blacklisted from college.When I realized it was very stupid advice, it was too late. Now I have lost all the interest in […]
I wanted to start over in life when i got out of high school but now i noticed i cant wait that long. If i want something i must fight for it, i cant just give up so easily. So today I’ve decided to put my life first for it is more important then getting messed up over things..im going to forget everything, today i am a new person no more crying, no more cutting or hurting myself…high school is where you make memories and thats what im going to do, im going to be myself and not being depressed or down. Its time for […]
I have made my mind up and have a date picked out, contacted social security to get things in line for my daughters and will write my note to my family tomorrow. All I wanted was to be a father to my kids and my ex wives stole that from me, without my kids I have nothing. I have been physically abused my whole life so I am use to this, death will finally bring me peace. Less than 10 days to get everything in order with the bank and aquire my stuff for my way out. Still trying to decide on the place so […]
Headphones are on — check, looking down and not ahead — check, dark clothing that hides your inner soul — check.
Removed from the past, neglecting the present, dreading the future – I’m moving, moving swiftly enough as to avoid everyone and everything. The Volume in my headphones are high enough to block the pollution of the outside world; my vision is fixed diagonally, avoiding eye contact and collision; the black jeans, Navy-blue t-shirt and black raincoat combine to render me invincible, in a city of dark clouds and buildings that block-out the sun. I’m moving swiftly, swiftly at twice the speed of any city- human. […]
– Maybe I’m just imagining them. The pain will not exist. It’s all in my mind. It’s mind over matter. It will not. It should not. It does not. –
Hi bestf
I just wanna hide in corners with ya. Hide hide. Cause I like looking at people but not people looking at me.
Don’t hurt yourself for me. Stupid idiot. Silly silly. You’re pretty and an amazing piece of work. You are really amazing. Sigh. You idiot. Thank you for sticking. You’re really a wonderful gem in my life.
Don’t worry. I’ll be there to help you whenever you need. No matter how confused you feel, how upset […]
That’s what people said to me after I broke up with my boyfriend.. I’ve posted about my story a few weeks ago (I was engaged with a good and loving man who promised me he would be there forever.. But it didn’t work. My bad character and my childhood (like hell in fact) made that he wasn’t able to love me anymore). Since then I was depressed, couldn’t sleep anymore, feel like nothing, empty. And I don’t know how or why I began to hang out with friends, to meet people, to laugh. I remember saying myself: life isn’t so hard! Go on like this! […]
Hello,
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I have been thinking about shame and guilt. What I’ve noticed so far that I have done some terrible things in my life as a result of shame. I have intense suicidal thoughts due to shame. Shame, meaning I am a bad person and guilt meaning I have bad behaviors.
At times, I think people use shame and guilt interchangeably, which is detrimental to someone who struggles with mental illness. I have a lot of shame. I am shameful of my ethnic background, I am shameful of my behaviors and people I’ve hurt. There’s several things wrong […]
Bubbling Boiling , deep inside.
Waiting praying, to see the light.
Whispered nightmares, a tale within.
One bloodied mess, one last sin.
There’s only one way, to kill that cretin.
Death of it’s master, one way to be beaten.
Let it out, or make them pay.
A sacrifice surely, one i’ll not make.
For we like this realm, Him and I.
So I let him control, my rotted insides.
There’s only one note, I must recall.
I’m that daemon, Which hate’s it all.
He’s my king, as I for Him.
“One bloodied mess, our very last sin”
I have five more days. If I don’t complete the blood oath by then, i’ll lose everything. My wrists are going to […]
By the time you read this again, we may or may not have been together. Somehow I feel like writing this letter to you. We have been through many things. I know you have cried a lot, lost many things, screamed a lot, and died many times. But I need you to know that you are my reason to hold on. You are my greatest treasure and everyday I pray that you will be safe, alive, and healthy. God knows how I have begged him to not let you feel alone, to give me the strength to make up to you what you have lost. […]
Hi Everyone I’m new here im gay 31 living with my dad I have social anxiety agoraphobia ptsd Addictions to crystal meth, I’ve been doing crystal now for 8 months on and off the longest I can go without getting some is always a month. And that’s the case here I’m a month off it again. I am trying to quit. But I just recently split up with my boyfriend of five months. I’m alone again and he told me some home truths. That I didn’t wanna hear. Anyways I’ve tried to kill myself 7 times through my life first time I was 13. I […]
Society doesn’t care
My “friends”don’t care
My family….I can’t even begin
I feel guilty about everything, though many times i could not have known better
To be honest I thought my depression was done with. I hadn’t had any suicidal thoughts in a good 4 months and that seemed to be how I defined depression…. Suicide. But I didn’t realise how much I’ve been staying in and drinking alone at night, how little I’ve been eating and how much I sleep during the day during those 4 months. I’ve never really associated these things with depression at all. My first suicidal thoughts since then happened a couple nights ago. Reoccurring images of familiar deaths, my family finding me, the aftermath of everything, it was like 4 months worth of suicidal […]
It was hard then to get out of that mental state. I don’t want it to come back. It feels like it’ll overwhelm me completely, this time with newer with harder demons, more temptations.
It is after all, just the circle of life aye ?
So, do I risk everything thus far and let go of the grip keeping my head above the waters?
Sigh.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it’ll be this hard, I’m going back to the start.
No one will ever know the pain I feel inside..
There’s this girl in the mirror I wonder who she is at times I think I know her and sometimes I wish I did there is a story in her eyes, lullabies, and goodbyes when she’s looking back at me I can tell she’s hurting inside she smiles with all that she has left yet tears are left un-dried and though she’s got so much to say she bottles it up inside if you look past her broken eyes to a shadow no one sees a disguise so you won’t recognize the girl is really me […]
I just wish my sanity would just stay. I hate it when my head plays these games. I wish the panic attacks would just stop. It is not that big of a deal. I’m so insicure and you can see it in my face. I’m so ashamed of it. I wish I could just talk about things instead of bottling it. Instead of dealing with shit I get lost in work. I enterlenize everything. I’m destroying myself. And then the anger. It just builds in my system. It fucking boils. I can’t stand it sometimes. It’s me. I know it’s me and it sucks I […]
Why am I still here? All I do is fuck everything up. I’m a home wrecking whore who should just die. I fucking hate myself and I hate living. I want to die.
Nothing ages the soul faster than unrequited love. It consumes us the way waves would a bottle cast out to sea, with a message never to fall upon adoring eyes. Trapped and drowning in the voluminous expanse it’s easy –and almost expected– for one to give up. To take one last deep breath without the pressure of exhaling.
The choice to take one’s own life isn’t about attention or self mutilation, it’s the serenity that lies in being able to choose your last moment. The final page authored by you that lives on long after your book is closed. In some regard it’s truly the only way […]
Hi I’m a little afraid to do this but here it goes.
My name is destine. Lately I’ve been depressed. I think it’s just everything . that’s been going on. I don’t live with my mom and dad. My mom passed a way tho. I lost contact with most of my friends and my family. Because my aunt and uncle. They adopted us. They would be really mean. Put me and down. And a lot of other things to me and my little brother. I’ve missed my old life with my mom still alive and everything.
ive been lost not knowing what to do. I’ve cut before […]