I just wish my sanity would just stay. I hate it when my head plays these games. I wish the panic attacks would just stop. It is not that big of a deal. I’m so insicure and you can see it in my face. I’m so ashamed of it. I wish I could just talk about things instead of bottling it. Instead of dealing with shit I get lost in work. I enterlenize everything. I’m destroying myself. And then the anger. It just builds in my system. It fucking boils. I can’t stand it sometimes. It’s me. I know it’s me and it sucks I can’t have a healthy outlook on life, a healthy relationship, a healthy mind. My mind just doesn’t want to coaporatate . Sometimes I wonder how I got here. What the fuck happened? There is only so much weed I can smoke!!! I can’t drink. I don’t want to drink. I just want to be in peace and it’s difficult when your head is the traitor… does anyone feel like this? Just breaks down at time when thins get difficult or confusing or worried about things? Or worse sometimes it’s over nothing at all? Fuck. I feel lonely. When surrounded by many I feel lonely. I’m secluded on my own and that would be fine. I just wish my head would be in peace. I’m awake if anyone would like 2 talk
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Dude yeah. Sometimes I can’t even sleep till 3am. I had my fair share of anxiety. Like I kept saying to myself why did I do this. I shouldn’t have said this. I wish I could change this. Over and over. And then it shifts to why do I deserve this? Am I a bad person? I thought I was good.
over and over in my head.
it’s funny how I avoided alcohol and also conquered the temptation to smoke.
I avoided alcohol because I tried to attempt back in October so it left a nasty reminder. Armenian brand. Yuck. I tried to down it so much to get drunk. Take it that I’m really short so I have such low tolerance lol.
but yeah I feel ya on loneliness.
It’s pretty much how my depression started.
that one song mirror mirror from rwby? I felt so connected to that song I tried to sing it. Made a video and arrangement and everything. All my compositions, my original pieces all reflected how lonely and unloved I am.
man I’m ranting a lot sorry about that. But I am here for you talk to as well!
I can relate. I’m glad you don’t drink it’s a very bad habbit. I like to smoke though especially on those nights to stop a panic attack from occurring. I calm down. Get level headed again. Think it through. Slow down before I do something harsh and irrational. I have my good days. I have a lot of good days actually but the bad days… they can be really bad days.
Ah I hope your good days outweigh the bad ones.
I used to smoke with my friend when they have cigarettes on them. They would feel a bit guilty when I smoked with them because they didn’t want me to get addicted. In a way I was discouraging them lol. But I get the feeling of calmness and relaxation.
It’s funny, that I wanted to drink again if it was to meet my love at the opposite side of the country to celebrate. But looks like I’ll never get that chance.
I forgot to write “attempted suicide” accompanied with the drink.
That’s why I avoid it. But I thought I could do it again if it was overrided with a more plesant memory. All I really want is to get rid of all my bad memories with good ones.