She’s 13
and can already
tell you everything about
self destruction.
She can tell you how
to dress fresh cuts
in the dark with
makeshift bandages.
And which foods are easy
to throw up.
She knows a thousand
excuses,”I already ate”
“I’m just cold” , “the cat did it”
She learned to hold
all her feelings inside
until late at night
and cover her mouth
with her hand
so no one hears her.
She […]
Okay so on 3/5/2014, i was admitted into a mental facility and this is my story of being in it (YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ)
Okay so mine was because i had well attempted suicide, my friend called the cops on me after she found out and this crisis lady gave me an option which by the way was stupid. she said if i didn’t talk to her…i would have to be admitted …but truth was, that I was going to have to be admitted anyway because I had attempted suicide and like the only way, i wouldn’t be admitted was if she thought, i was […]
If you was a mother you were able to know this when you love someone and she or he loves you (truly of course !)and then you will feel that you have a good reason to be alive.but how poor we are we have to leave our love and suddenly we will be alone and aimless and empty.and you don’t know how bad it is that you like revenge yourself and you hate yourself.to want to scream but no sound no ear to hear you nobody who pay attention to you nothing.May God bless and love us ?May he ?
I’m a lost cause in this world like basically everything falls apart for me like my friends on Xbox live have a problem with me for some reason and I didn’t do fuck all. Why does my life even exist like nothing good comes out of it and anything good comes into my life goes away too. My friends lives seem to be going good so good for them but I’m left behind I’m poor, short, skinny, disabled and no girl finds me attractive so fuck me right I just want someone to be with someone I can be happy with and someone who respects […]
Oh hey, look at that, I’m here again.
Great.
I was dating the perfect guy for me. He had faults, but I was crazy attracted to him and regular sex helped me get over my addiction to masturbating. And then he broke it off, over THINKING I had an sti, and not trusting me even though I was crazy loyal to him.
And that’s not it, I’m doing bad at school for the first time in my life. I told my teachers I was suicidal to get out of a test, I’ve never missed a test of my own volition. Ever.
I miss holding him, and cuddling, and doing […]
I could do the whole life is meaningless and pointless because personally in my eyes it’s true. I just wanted to express the fact as to how everything is so black and white to me now. I see people but not the faces its weird. I used to think life was so beautiful and just perfect but  i don’t know if its because got older or whatever but nothings the same.  I see the world for what it truly is which is such a terrible and horrible place ( in my eyes) but, iv’e recently made plans for suicide and if all goes as planned […]
Everyone has been told or at the very least heard the expression,”The world does not revolve around you.” What a concept.
It’s been documented that bipolar can bring out hallucinations during mania where individuals think they are God. I experienced a taste of this. When you consider that you are the only person in control of your thoughts, actions and memory, you cannot begin what it is like to be someone else. All you know is what you see and experience.
We are essentially in our own little world’s. Not one person can take over our perception of what happens through life. All there is to […]
It took me awhile to realize that I only ever come on this site when ever I’m down. I wish I could come here just ONCE and say “hey am doing well ” and I though that I was.. I think I’ve been doing good. I mean I haven’t been cutting my self. But am sad all the time. A while back I was sitting in my room cutting my self in the dark. And my mom walked in. So I took the razor and shoved it under my pillow and all she did was. Sat on the bed. Pulled me into her […]
I was hospitalized again this past week. A friend was worried about me ad had the police called on me and now I’m home and back on the medications.
Do I still want to cut?
Of fucking course I do.
I left my boyfriend of four years and so stupidly ran into another without even really thinking. All I knew is that I didn’t want to kill myself just yet and if I have someone here, I might not. But now it’s getting to the point where I don’t even know if I can handle a relationship right now. I am very committed in my […]
It’s not really worth living in is it? when you think about it, there are at least 100 unspeakable things that happen every second, we as people are dirty, filthy things unworthy of life if we do those kind of things with it….i just started posting here but i think that this world is filthy and just not worth living in. I hate it, and i feel an almost inherent hatred for a lot of people in it, if that makes me some kind of weirdo or psycho or sociopath then so be it, but thats just what i observe from living on this shit […]
Days like today I look at my life and all the things that lead me to this point and I want to cry. Why me, why couldn’t I just be left to be happy with the one thing I wanted the most in this world? Happiness to me is like a high feeling like living in a fantasy, why couldn’t I just be left alone to live out that fantasy? But no reality had to step in and make itself known, and after that it was all ruined.Everything is changing and it is a permanent change, an inevitable change. I want to cry I want […]
You are the only reason I’m still alive, everyday I wake up for you. I wake up so that I can call you once more so that I can hear your soft voice, or your pissed off grunts in the morning when I awaken you from asleep that is so much more important then me. I’m crazy your crazy, but together we are we’ll not completely normal but less crazy. You are my light at the end of a dark long tunnel, if I didn’t have you I would have nothing. Your brown/red/blondish hair is beautiful and I love running my fingers through it and […]
tonight is my last night. i’ve already said goodbye and I’m sorry to my mom. but she refuses to accept it. i told her to make sure my note is read by all the people it concerns. she’s in disbelief. my father doesn’t allow me to be upset.
i can’t live with him. it will only be arguing and fighting forever. nothing will get better. and i can’t live without him.
I’m going to see my grandparents one last time tomorrow.
im in the middle of drafting my note. i want to make sure i say everything i need to say.
I’ve tried everything. there […]
but I am hurting, I’m hurting so bad that I do whatever it takes to shut everything off. I want to die so bad, and everyday some part of me tries to talk me out of it. I know I get it I truly honestly do you have to live for yourself make yourself happy do things you want. But I don’t care about myself I don’t love myself so its hard for me it really is. I self destruct, I give up, I have never truly done anything solely because I wanted to. I have done nothing but hurt myself, I have so much […]
“I’m tempted to leave the car in drive, and leave it all behind.”
No more medication. I refuse to take another freaking pill. I am NOT going to take another pill. I’m so sick and tired of having to take medication everyday. Taking that pill is like pretending to be somebody I’m not, it makes me act happy and as if everything is okay. News flash, I’m not happy and nothing is okay. If I don’t want to be happy then get over it and let me just be miserable. If I’m going to be happy it’s not going to be because of some pill. It’s […]
I’m beginning to feel better, whether it be my drugs finally working the sudden nice weather we’re having.. i am feeling better. I’m not thinking about hurting myself as much.. but i do still have these thoughts. I’m cutting a lot again and i keep thinking of wanting to take all my pills. I finally got my pills back from my aunt who was keeping them from me. Ughhh
But after everything.. i feel guilty or bad feeling good. Like i’m letting the depression down? If that makes sense!?
“This might be the heartache that don’t stop hurting, it just keeps working on me, it just keeps pickin’ on me.”
I’ve tried almost everything to make it go away. Smoking, drinking, sex, and shredding my wrists.. The most helpful thing has been cutting. Seeing the blood drip and roll down my body. It’s almost like I’m draining my body of the hurt. If I just bleed enough it’ll eventually go away forever.. at least that’s what I’m hoping. I’m at a dead end and I don’t know what else to do.. tell somebody? or keep shredding my body until I’m all gone? I’m running out […]
on top of everything else, now I’ve got a stomach bug. yay…
Wow, I haven’t been on here in forever…my life has definitely changed for the better. But, lately…I’ve been extremely down and I just seem more irritated with absolutely anyone/everything. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and depression, but I think the bi-polar is what causes the depression part..my life is alright, but something within me is missing. I have no excitement for life really and society just keeps getting more shitty. I don’t trust a lot of people, and the older I get, it seems the more and more I turn away from being a people person. Genuine people are hard to come across these […]
So my dad’s found about my self-harm and suicidal stuff
And I have to go a counselor every Tuesday
Does this mean everythings starting to heal? Or will everything I’ve been trying to build (my life) crumble back to dust back when I first got depressed? This is probably my paranoia, Â just don’t know what’s gonna happen
I feel like I can get better, but my family is constantly fighting and it gets so bad I have to actually leave for hours at a time so I can just get away, I’m lucky I don’t pass anything I can use for self-harm, I don’t even know […]
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