The saddest and most haunting feeling for me now is realizing that there is no afterlife, reincarnation or unconditional love waiting for me on the the other side. Â My consciousness will not go on, life will cease to exist. There is no explanation for all the challenges in life. The bad will go unpunished- no such thing as karma. Â It was all just a fairytale.. I feel deep sadness over this realization. There’s no where to go.
Tag:
exist
I am curious about something – I’m sorry of it seems trite or stupid. I don’t mean to be joking around. That being said, here goes:
Let’s assume, hypothetically for the moment that Hell exists and it is in fact governed by a fallen angel. Imagine what you will about eternal fire, absence of God, eternal and terrifying punishment – whatever your imagination can construe. And for the purposes of this question,the more horrible the better. You wake up tomorrow in the same pain and agony you were in when you went to bed. It’s just another day; same shit, different day. You have the same […]
I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, and I don’t know if there’s ever going to be a time where there mere sight of your name doesn’t make my stomach flutter.
I miss you.
I’d do anything to talk to you one more time. I think you’d be proud.
Did you really mean it when you said we were meant for each other?
Everything I do is because of you.
Saudade (Portuguese): The feeling of longing for someone that you love and is lost. Another linguist describes it as a “vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist.”
It’s interesting that saudade accommodates in one word the haunting […]
Why am I so mean? Hm, let’s revisit that topic again, friends; I don’t know. I don’t know why I can be so nice and friendly one second, only to turn around and state things that I hate about you. I don’t know why my natural instincts are to push people away and to be alone.
I’m strong? Well, maybe I am. I don’t get too sensitive about seemingly “hurtful” things anymore. I push through problems and life like I was built to.
Why am I like this? Maybe it’s because I dislike life in general. Not because I’m an “attention-seeking little girl” as I’ve […]
Can’t seem to find that tiny spot of silence inside my head tonight. Thoughts swimming around and around on repeat. Why is it when you are at your lowest the easiest of things are so hard? Sleep is not usually a stranger to me. I can sleep through anything just to get to the next moment. I use sleep as a barrier to keep me from having to face real life. So what happens when sleep doesn’t come? I go deeper and deeper into the place I so want to hide from. Face to face with every memory I try so hard to forget. Even […]
Yep…I’m losing hope. Again. I can only pray that next time I attempt suicide I succeed, in the hope that I don’t have to exist anymore. Who wants heaven or hell? It’s bullshit. I want to just not exist.
This has been said to me a lot. Did I really get better before? If so, how could the darkness overcome me so hard and fast again? Why doesn’t the darkness slowly recede, but continue to get darker and darker. Maybe I never did get better.
I was forced into therapy and meds about 10 years ago. Well, forced is too strong a word. I guess I could say I was pressured into it. I was just following orders. People know I’m weak and fold easily, will do what they say. Whatever, I’m deviating from the main point of this rant.
So was I better after that? […]
To anyone who is attempting suicide tonight, I wish you success in your attempt. Simple as that. I know we would all like to think that we can offer positive encouragement to fellow sufferers… maybe because it’s what we desperately wish we could find ourselves… but I know in my case that is just hypocrisy.
I wish for you what I wish for myself, that tonight your pain ends. No bs about finding a cure in life, no bs about finding a better solution or a way to deal with the pain. No, I hope you reach the true end of your pain which can only […]
Well we’ve all seen the red carpet show now and all the beautiful rich and talented people gathering together to congratulate themselves on their beauty, riches and talents. In the end, when the earth has burnt away, when memories have ceased, what difference does it make whether I was the neighborhood “retard” or whether I was Jennifer Lawrence. Pointless, all of it. Yes, Jennifer will have lived a life 100 thousand times better than anything I will ever experience. But one hundred years from now when we are dust, we will be the same. Dust, useless quiet dust. A huge downgrade for the winners in […]
As I walked home today, I realized that me–and people like me–are like lonely rocks that sit unmoved in a river. Allow me to explain.
Imagine life and all of it’s interactions–people growing up, becoming influenced, learning, meeting other people, having kids, influencing the world–all that stuff. Imagine all of that as a body of water, or in this case, a river that flows and travels in a certain direction. Kind of like how most people are; they just go with the flow and as a result, they are rewarded with being a part of a greater collective that supports them. Of course, the “river” may diverge […]
I graduated from college and have a Bachelors of Science. I thought more doors would be opened for me but now ten month since graduation… this does not seem so.
I held a position in manufacturing 6 months after graduate just to make some money but did not take long for me to feel dissatisfied, unaccomplished, and severely depressed. I woke each morning feeling unmotivated, miserably, and wondering why I cannot launch my career. I had no problem quitting the job. The job put me to sleep (literally), the pay sucked, the hours was pitiful, no one appreciate the volunteered overtime and… most importantly, I want to dedicate […]
I’m sick and tired of being alive. Give me a reason not to die. And please, that reason can’t be “Things get better” etc. All of that is bullshit. I don’t believe in that.
I’ve been said things like “You can’t love others if you can’t even love yourself”. I have just a few friends, but none of them understands how I feel. Everyone but one person. She’s like my last reason to be alive. She has suffered a lot more than me, but she takes the time to listen to my problems. One day I know I will lose her. One day I know […]
I’m not going to kill myself yet, or maybe ever, Â if I discover something to live for. Which is unlikely.
I’m thinking I’ll wait until my parents die. I’m seventeen now, so that’ll be a while. I don’t know what to do with my life. I want the emptiness to go away. I’ve given up on myself a long time ago – I don’t have a co-dependent personality disorder, but I can only force myself to exist if it’s because other people need me. So if I never find anyone else, as soon as both of my parents are gone I’ll go to a place where […]
I’m in that mood again, pain is consuming my entire body. Â Every day is the same, nobody listens. Nobody cares about me. Â Can’t they see I’m hurting? Â Can’t they love me? Â My name is Hurt. Â It defines me and my entire existence. Â I’m tired of waiting for things to get better. Â I can’t seem to find that Hope. Â When can I stop hoping? Â When can I just end it all? Â I didn’t ask to be born. Â I didn’t ask to exist. Â So why can’t I just – not exist? Â It’s not like anybody would care. Â I can’t handle much before I fall apart. Â I need […]
Any depressed girls here in the city who want to just talk? Â Im not trying to hook up but I have unsuccessfully on dating sites. Â Just being honest. Â Ive attempted suicide several times. Â I even shot up motor oil once. Â My latest plan is to…. Â well I dont want to give it away. Â Everything thinG I do turns to shit. Â Btw …. guys… Â quit hitting on me. Â (Males) Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â […]
I am so tired of fighting… Fighting against the pain, fighting against these stupid thoughts and insecurities. I am tired of having to justify why I am not able to do things in allotted time due to my physical difficulties… If I don’t mean anything, why do I exist… Can’t I just go to sleep and never wake up again…
i dont know myself anymore, i look the same and act the same but i feel dead inside, incomplete and alone. this is not because i lost love or some shit like that, but i just dont feel worth anything. not a second of your time, not a breath of oxygen, not even the space i exist in. this isnt how im suppost to live this, isnt how i am. i’m gay…i came out to my mom a few months ago. she’s alright with it, but i just cant hide in this shell anymore. she told me not to tell anybody about it because they […]
At this stage in our lives we seem to be living in two different, yet unreachable universes: the past and the future. When we’re together, we often reminisce about old times, back when we were young and innocent and nothing bad happened that couldn’t be fixed. When we’re not reflecting on our shared history, we’re looking ahead to our futures; future plans and future goals and wishes and dreams. And to an extent, looking back and looking forward are both wonderful things to do; often they’re reminders that happy times did happen and better things may lie ahead…
But  we only exist in those two states: […]
Older Posts