People always look passed me. I never for positive feedback in groups at the psych hospital but the next person did and everyone before me did. Which is why I don’t normally speak out. In society as well, when I’m with friends and have a story to tell no one ever listens. I used to raise my hand in school and never got called on when I wanted to so I stopped and started failing. I got attention but not the good attention. Why? Can someone not look passed this.
Tag:
failing
Life? Life? You mean the everyday struggles. You mean the everyday suicidal thoughts. You mean the everyday struggles to get out of bed, because you don’t want to interact with people who will never fucking understand what you’re going through. You mean the everyday pretending to be okay. You mean the everyday faking a smile. You mean the everyday breakdowns. You mean the everyday panic attacks. You mean the everyday being a burden. You mean everyday being a disappointment. You mean the everyday feeling worthless. You mean the everyday telling yourself that everything is going to be okay, when its only getting worse and worse. […]
My husband just wants to hit me. He stays mad at me about everything and somehow it’s all always my fault. I don’t have close friends or family to go to, and women’s shelters only give you 45 days maximum to find a place to live, which isn’t guaranteed, and especially not for someone who hasn’t had a job in a long time because I’ve been busy helping my husband with his failing business and his new job. I have nothing to live for and no hope that I’ll find a job that will make enough that I can take care of myself…If I can […]
It’s hopeless. I’m going to fail and lose everything. I don’t want to go through this, but I don’t have a choice, and failing is inevitable. I just want to get away.
I wonder what the journey to death is like.
I don’t necessarily believe in an afterlife, although I like the idea of one.
Will there be a long, dark tunnel to gates of white?
Or a long, dark tunnel to blackness?
Paradise or Nothingness?
My money is on there being nothing in death. But that’s okay with me, if there is no conscious thought after life ends, then I have no ability to be unhappy.
I am trying to escape the influence of those who have hurt me, but it’s like that nightmare where you’re running away from someone and every time you glance back they’re still nipping at your heels, […]
I am technically dead. I have stopped believing in myself. The thing I learnt about business analytics is that history repeats itself.
I am really exhausted and very tired of failing. I failed everything- my exams, my relationships, my flexibility and my friends. What am I doing here anyway? That is the question I have asked for many years ?
The next failure I will encounter is the exams which I am about to take. That is CISSP. Knowing me, I will try the second attempt which is probably going to fail again. I am sick and tired of […]
It’s pretty sad when the only thing keeping me from actually following through with my plan is not fear of succeeding, but fear of failing.
Yet again I’m stuck in a shit hole.. Another sleepless night.. Trapped in hell.. All I do is try and try to find answers I know will never appear.. I search and search and dig so deep with nothing but more tears to weep… What’s the point in going on when all you feel you had is gone?… You’ve failed at all you attempted, you never finished anything… There is really no way to become more of a fucking disappointment. I’m sorry that I embarrass you.. I’m sorry you’re ashamed when I’m around.. I’m sorry I have never and will never accomplish anything significant.. I’m […]
Relationships often make me feel empty and hollow. I’ve had friends in my life, and it seemed like the more I knew someone, the less there was to like about that person. Nowadays, I rarely leave the house. The only people who know for sure that I’m not dead are my family members and psychiatrists. I’ve told my therapist that I’m tired of living. Everyone says that I’m just inexperienced in life, and that I’ll be happier later on in life. I’m very doubtful. They think I’m just being stubborn, which is probably true. The problem that I have with life is that it’s boring […]
Espero que não exista uma regra por não escrever em inglês. Eu consigo até ler inglês, mas não consigo escrever.
Sumir, desaparecer ou morrer, estes são os meus desejos no momento. Sabe, eu estou cansada de tentar e sempre dar errado.. de não conseguir pedir ajuda e quando pedir.. a pessoa vem com 7 pedras na mão.
É muito fácil julgar alguém porque está sofrendo com seus problemas por mais “simples” que ele seja, pode até ser simples pra você, mas para a pessoa que está sentindo é a pior coisa do mundo.. é tão difícil entender isso?
Sinceramente eu não sei mais o que fazer e cada dia que […]
I sit alone consuming my pain, smothering my true self. I jerk my life into focus, courage deserted. I need time, more time. Want it, need it, time. My moments come, my moments pass still I sit here smothering my true self. Biting my knuckles and bartering for time. The moment of truth, I stand desperate to release myself. Too late the moment, the time is gone. Obliviously it flitted into oblivion. The seconds marched off the brink, toy soldiers grim-faced sinking, falling, failing. At the last moment they look in my eyes, my terror mirrored in theirs. A solider with my face near […]
I am not depressed…. I am not even feeling very down…. I am not happy… but I am not unhappy…. I am somewhere just above midline… Another failure in life reminding me that my efforts don’t matter my limitations will raise up and remind me I am so close to making it into regular life but just can’t make it over the fence… I am tired of being on this side of the fence… I want to hold it together… 3 mouths are counting on me holding it together but the longer I go the further away I am moving from them… Haven’t talked with […]
I always wanted to kill myself ever since my dad got lung cancer and passed when I was 10. But the thoughts of suicide got worse when I started to get bullied in school at 11. Every year it got worse and worse. I started to cut myself and snap rubber bands on my wrist till they bled. I never felt good enough for anybody. I always felt out of place. I’m twenty now and working. But I began to get bullied there too for being skinny. Its not just the bullying that bothers me, its being single and lonely. I’ve been used […]
Tonight is just another night where he kicked me out because his friends were mad at me. On top of that I received a failing grade on an assignment. Just another night and I can’t stay strong.
I can’t do this much longer. I’m a guy, in high school, failing all my classes, and failing last years classes too. I’m too far behind. I’ll never graduate. I have no friends at all. No one cares about me. No one ever did. I hate it when people say no one cares about them when obviously people do. The only one that actually cares about me is my sister, she’s my only friend too. I have thoughts of suicide constantly, idk what to do. I want to get on a right track.. but life really sucks right now too. I mean, school isn’t my […]
Where do I start?? I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. No really as far back as I can recall I have never really been happy. I guess I could clue you in on all the bs that has led me here. But really it’s a story you’ve heard before. Maybe not all from the same person but pieced together from multiple people like some sort of f@$#!d up jigsaw puzzle. I’m obviously thinking about death (particularly mine). Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have any friends. There is really only one person (in the flesh) who is here for me. […]
wow, there’s nothing quite like failing spectacularly at finding a job to make one want to off oneself. there’s nothing quite like becoming a pathetic free-loader for almost a year, desperate and hopeless.
my life is going nowhere.why continue?
Along with the overwhelming fear of failing an attempt (again), I have always been afraid of succeeding and finding some place worse than life on this Earth. Do people who commit suicide go to some type of “Hell”? Is there a Hell? Is there an afterlife? Will I be welcome to it if I force myself into it? Or is death like a dreamless sleep from which one never awakes? This notion terrifies me but is comforting at the same time. There may be nothing there at all which includes no depression, no anxiety, no more fear of death, no more hardships from life; there may just […]
For three years I’ve been depressed, as the doctors say. Last month I hit what felt like rock bottom. Still, I feel like I don’t deserve to talk about it here. I feel like I should be happy since everything comes so easy to me. I’m so angry with myself for purposely failing my tests and I just want to hurt myself for hurting everyone around me. I feel so guilty. I love my family and my friends and I’m only hurting them by feeling this way. The pain and emptiness inside is overwhelming, and only seems to be growing. I don’t know if I […]
One moment im thinking about the the relief and freedom an exit would provide, then later I’m thinking it’s no answer, it’s just quitting. The thought of it being over seems to make me happy, but I bet if I got a cancer diagnosis I’d be pissed.
If you’re willing to die, why not be willing to make a go of it instead? I dunno..
The wish to die will be granted to each and every one of us one day, without exception. So why live in fear of failing another attempt at happiness regardless of how foolish it seems? In the end we will be gone […]