So my depression started when i was bullied severely in middle school and summer camp, people really don’t know how much this messes up a person. I became introverted and started thinking of my own death constantly at a young age , to the people that say it gets better i just have to laugh. Because now that I am older I found out that I am diagnosed with schizophrenia, and not to mention I am a 30 year old unsuccessful virgin that also has erectile dysfunction. It seems that God is just laughing at me just like the builles did when I was a […]
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Family Member
The title sums this up very well “Fucked UP” that is how I see my self and how my family and others view me a lot of the time, but we will get to that later. So im new to the site and just out of luck today before I made my final choice I decided to post a small post on here. For both advice and to see what others think. Im a 17 year old male who is: failing school (for two main reasons: one im lazy and two I view myself as stupid or dumb) I also have no job, no car, […]
I apologize too much.
I’m sure the same thing can be said a lot of people, but I know personally that when I screw up, I apologize over and over because I honestly don’t know how else to be forgiven. I get mad at myself if I can’t seem to get a person to reconcile with me even if I’ve tried reconciling with them already. I’m not the most eloquent person you’ll ever meet. And for any of you who know me, you know I’m far from it. But I don’t need to be eloquent for you to understand a feeling, a concept. Those are […]
It had been half a year since I came here on SP. Since then,I have found my true meaning of life. My life,my pain was the same; but I decided to fight and chase my dreams,and that has made all the difference. I have found my happiness and destination in life. There is no place in this world for those who refuse to fight, I say.
Last night my kitty died. I was playing and laughing with him even at sunset, but at night I found him lying lifeless on the street in front of my house. He must have been hit. It all happened so, […]
I never keep promises unless I reeeeeeeally have to
The only reason I keep any promises is when either the law or the medical establishment forces me to keep them…
I’m a survivor and haven’t yet killed myself, nor have I gone with counting down five years from now to die at my own hands, because I was made to swear that I wouldn’t attempt suicide again, nor ask to be helped to die again, by who? The fucking doctors. I love them, yet they give me a hard burden to bear. I love one friend in this world, a few family members only.
I never believed in […]
I’m a survivor.
A few people in this world, supported a few med pros who taught me how to survive. Last wweek I wanted a dr to put a bullet through my head, over something stupid. I was having a hard time getting through some proocedures. So the dr had to spend an extra five minutes which seemed eternal for me, making certain that I wouldn’t go home and die. A family member, one of about five or six who I trust and stuff the rest of ’em, was understanding, but also disagreed with me at the same time. At least she cared and wanted to […]
Abusive, emotional, roller coaster relationship ends after 4 years.
Wonder how it lasted so long? When we weren’t cussing each other out, we were great.
Reason why it ended was because I cheated. Nothing can describe how much guilt, regret, and sorrow i feel on a daily basis. (November)
Since then, I’ve been there for her in every way, I’ve showed her a complete change in every aspect of my personality.
Most people might question her still dealing with me, but its more than luck, I’ve earned it.
We’ve planned a suicide together and aimed for this year but now it seems to be put on a halt.
She’s told me she doesn’t want a relationship […]
I never knew how much I hated to hear the truth until now. I got internet at my house about a month ago, and my father just told me, “I knew this was going to happen when we got internet. You spend 95% of your time on the computer.” I told him, “There’s nothing else to do.”
When I didn’t have internet and had all that free time, I wasn’t too safe. That’s when drugs, sex, and just plain outrageous and irrational things came into play. I wonder which one my father would rather have me do: stay on the internet all day, or go out […]
Hi, I suffer from Manic Depression . Not many in my school know that. They think i’m happy, maybe even normal teenage girl. I’m 14. But this is were it all started.
When I was little, I was always the “troubled” child. My parents would curse at me , call me a “retard” , “slut” “whore” all different types of names when I just was two years of age. It wasn’t only the names… my mom was a drunk and my dad wasn’t so much of a help either, she would hit me, with all sorts of things, whatever she could get her hands on. […]
i can’t even begin to recount the times i’ve tried to kill myself – i started in 2nd grade – i’ve been married nearly 20 years – 4 children –
i’ve been hospitalized twice – once as an adult 2 years a go
i’m not diagnosed as personality disorder – but as i’ve read about it – i’m pretty sure i am – but this total break didn’t come until a family member did the most treacherous betrayal deed that could be done –
i never grieved the horrid act against me – but my child –
that was 6 years a go – and for me – it […]
So, Im new on here and I’m not sure how to start this, but i guess ill just get to it.
My Life is like a Lifetime movie.
The reason I started cutting was because of my friend, Andrew. He was literally my bestfriend…. and I kinda had a crush on him. I knew that he had problems in his life, but dont we all? Yeah, I feel like a total ***** now.
Anyways, his family life was worse than I knew. I found this out when I walked to his house. I knew his parents weren’t home(they never were) because his dad was a jackass who, for all […]
I used to have thoughts of hiding under a car tire, and waiting for a family member to back up. I just couldn’t go through with it. Through the past 11 years of my life I’ve been completely miserable. There has been a series of unfortunate events that lead me to where I am today: living in a shitty apartment alone, no friends, hardly talk to family, education going down the toilet, and terrible insomnia. I’ve been doing some research on suicide methods, and I want to go via ********. But, it seems like there are many failed attempts. Anyone have any advice?
I’ll be honest, I’m young- under eighteen, actually. I had a very close family member die when I was ten, and I’ve been bullied since I was five. I’ve been contemplating suicide since I was nine, and it’s only gotten worse. I would have offed myself quite a while ago, but I don’t want to cause my family any more pain. It’s still hard to get through the day, however.
I was searching the internet for some websites to help when I came across this. I decided to read some stories, and maybe get some advice. Following some of the advice that I’ve found, I decided […]
It’s been a rough couple of days… I’m sorry for all who are suffering I fight with this pressure in my head even as I’m trying to put it all behind me… I did manage to find some help… I’m glad i held on long enough… I will be more careful to not drain myself providing for another who is incapable of providing in return… It’s a rough lesson to learn when its family member or a loved one… I need time away from them and now that I’ve had some help I’ll be okay…
9:43pm
Sitting here remaining positive that I won’t allow that to happen […]
I know none of you want to hear this and I presume most of you will not listen to me but please try. Im begging you, do not give up. Death is not an answer. Suicide is the easy way out and shows no stength. You need to hold on. There is people who care about you and if not, I care.. Life is precious and there are hundreds of thousands of people who die every single day who didnt want to, who chose life but got it ripped from their grasp without a choice. The most selfish thing you could do is to kill […]
my name is Sammantha. i am nearly 20 years of age. ive been out of school for 2 years now working a dead end job. i was a straight A student in high school i wanted to go to school for zoology. it never happened. some where along the line i got scared i wouldnt be smart enought and instead of taking my SAT i took thr ASVAB and was just waiting till i was 18 ton enlist in the Army. finally the time came to do that and my mother who has cancer got sick again. i decidsd to stay back for a while. […]
The first time I tried to commit suicide I was relatively young. Thinking back, I’m not sure why I tried. I just got so tired of living. It’s not that I had no friends, I had a bunch, but I didn’t really have any real ones. I knew my friends talked about me behind my back, we all did. It wasn’t the fact that they did it, it was just that they said such horrible things about me and acted so nice to me. Then another something happened at home. My mom and I fought so much, it was horrible. She would scream, yell, tell me […]
I used to self-harm..
It wasn’t serious.. It only used to be scars.. Only once it bled, and when it did, it didn’t bleed that much.
I started this year.. At the beginning of this year.. When I was 12. Now, I’m 13.
I don’t know what got to me but I broke.. I was depressed and no one knew about it.. My past was No one was there. I did have friends, but none of them knew about what I did to myself. I was never a talker. So none of them really knew.. Which was good. No one would really know me.. I tried to spill […]
My story is a long one, one I don’t have time to write about completely…
About a year and a half ago, I decided to kill myself. I had a mean, selfish, manipulative girlfriend who always accused me of cheating, cheated on me, called me a “disappointment,” threatened to leave me if I ever told a friend or family member about what she was doing, and finally dumped me via a text message. I had a “friend” who tried to take advantage of her cheating to make her break up with me so he could date her instead. He in turn had a friend laughing at […]
This is probably my third attempt at making a coherent post on this topic.
I have a constellation of issues. I am depressed. I hate feeling emotions. I don’t like knowing people worry about me, or feel worse because of the decisions I make, and I don’t want to feel anything about those in my life who are apathetic.
I don’t want to meet anyone new. I can play make-believe. Recite scripted responses, the simple choreography of living. I don’t want anything more than that.
I want to create a buffer between me and other people. I don’t want to care.
That implies severing contact with the last remaining […]
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