I’m back. It’s been awhile, though little has gotten better.. School is stressing me out, one of my close friends has gone distant, and the cherry on top: my stepdad (the only father I’ve ever had in my life) has Kidney cancer… I tried to tell my friend about it, and she flat out says “I don’t want any bad news.” And I’m dumbfounded, so I apologize.. For trying to tell her something important, what’s wrong with me? And how could a friend be so ignorant to another friend’s problem… Especially one as bad as a family member having cancer. Heh.. It’s easier to tell […]
Tag:
family
I’m realizing now; just how many issues I really have. My dad has severed any bond we had built over the past few years. The bond that was so fragile after years of abuse and death threats. He became enraged over a mistake I made that did not affect him. Now, I’ve no family. But I don’t understand why this is affecting me so much now. I’ve never been loved or accepted by my family.
My mother used me as a servant and emotionally manipulated me to do her bidding. My father constantly threatened to murder me and would constantly degrade me. This is your typical […]
These past few months have been hell, i moved out from my dads place after having my baby to live with my mom hoping things would be better with her and they were for a year. Until she and i got into a fight, over my boyfriend. She was right, i was a prick but things were never the same after that, we fought a lot. Up until the point where she started demanding rent, got a job but i wasnt able to.keep it because of my anxiety amd depression. My mistake. Fast foward, she called the police on me after my sister (18), and […]
What is happiness?
Is it the money you have? Is it the food you eat? Is it the movies you watch? Is it the books you read? Is it the friends and family you have? Or is it the fire in your heart?
If it’s the fire, where can I find it? Can someone please tell me how to find it?
I don’t know where my little fire go. Is it lost? Or is it that I never truly had it.
Final Post: punk in drublic, and suicide as a pre and postmortem message
written by Disposable Human
Through separation and divorce I have lost everything other than court appointed contact with my family: the ex-wife/best friend, my son, my 2 dogs. It feels like the work I’ve done to try and make this all come together as a family was for nothing. And it was.
Two weeks ago, I shot .375 grams of pure crystal meth into my arm and gave myself tachycardia but died slowly enough for the doctors to save me.
Monday, my legal benzo analogues came in the mail. They’re like xanax on steroids. I took a couple handfuls (that stopped my heart) and then woke up today with no memory […]
So I met with my counsellor/psychologist today with my sister, the second time my sister went with me. No different than before my counsellor confirmed that our family of origin (the family in which we were raised) is high on the dysfunctional scale, confirming too the cult-like nature of it coupled with isolation and other forms of emotional abuse.
For the first time ever I think my sister realises how close I am to dying. I wanted her to attend partly for her to be able to prepare. My sister and I were close growing up and while it hurts to let her know and hurts […]
I feel like the only time I can be myself is when I comment on watpad and even then I feel like I’m not really wanted I’m like the 3rd wheel just like with my family never really wanted just delt with. I just someone to fight for me but
am I worth fighting for ?
I just wanted to share this song because I love it so much and I hope some of you do too. Also I recently found SP a few days ago and it’s really awesome. It’s something that I’m happy to be a part of now. People who understand almost exactly what I have been and am going through is just what I need. Plus, I know that nobody judges on here and thats such a relief:)
This year has probably been the worst year of my life.
I have suffered from anxiety since i was little, and i dont remember a time without it.
however, disregarding that, i feel like no matter how much i try to be happy, happiness turns against me, or life or the universe.
the beginning of this year was great, i had great friends, a loving boy friend, a loving family.
then after coming back from a (what i though was a) perfect holiday with my then boyfriend in june everything just turnt to crap, it has been a downward spiral.
My grandad fell ill and […]
A lot of you probably don’t care, but I just need it in writing, or something to come back and read later to know it’s real.
My uncle died last night.
You’re probably thinking “Oh, it’s just her uncle. Not like it’s an immediate family member.” But my entire family is close. I’m talking my mom’s side is friends with my dad’s side and vice versa. And everything that could possibly be turned into a family event is. So whenever anyone dies, both sides come together and mourn and we all fall apart inside.
I digress.
I’ve been a suicideproject reader for a year now. Been depressed for 8 years, but it’s getting on and off.
Why is it so hard to leave this world? Why is it not legal to end our own life?
I keep thinking about the homeless people, people who went crazy and just roam around in the streets. I put myself into their shoes and it made me more depressed. I thought that maybe someday I will become like them. NO!! I can’t take it anymore. I want to take my own life as soon as possible. I always cry every night. Even though I am still hanging […]
i need something to dream about..
something to do in the future
my family needs me to get out home one day…
oh god! i dont have where to go!
i dont have dreams or anything!!
there is someone that have a dream?
i just need something…
As the title states. Within the week I’ll be dead. I just need to make sure I get last minute things taken care of before I go. I have a few attempts in the past. Wrist cutting never did the trick no matter how deep I went. I’ll hang myself this time. I have the rope already set up at a perfect length for a drop hanging. And I know where I’m going to do it. I have hopes and dreams like most people. I unfortunately will not have them fulfilled. I am ex military, married but separated and had 2 girls with my wife. […]
Over a year ago my parents were giving me a ‘lecture’ on something (not something unusual) wherever they do so I feel really frustrated and that time I don’t know how, completely involuntary I told them I’ve been considering to kill myself (I had decided to never tell anyone but like I said I told them in rush)
What about you?
Plz ignore bad English.
hi….I just wanna tell u some thing
is there any one understand the meaning of life in this world….but still I am not……I think it’s meaning less……
my family, my friend… hates me a lot….
before some days I tryed many times to kill my self b/c am not brave to do this
but Now the time is coming………
Every day when you wake up it’s three pills, choked down with juice. (Always juice, because having pills with water tastes like suicide.)
The one that’s supposed to keep you from killing yourself.
The one that’s supposed to make you talk and smile and act like you don’t have crippling anxiety.
The one that’s supposed to take away your mood. How dare you have emotions. How fucking dare you.
It’s bullshit.
There’s no way to measure whether it “works” or not. If you ask my parents, it doesn’t, because I’m still not normal. Like, so what if she feels happier and doesn’t generally want to throw herself off a roof? She […]
So where do I even begin? Well, I signed up for this website so I guess I should explain why. Currently, I am not thinking about suicide, but I have in the past and fairly recently thought about how I would do it, why I would do it, who I would hurt and so forth, and then I realized that if anything happened to me, no one would know why, so here I am. Telling all of you what I can’t tell anyone in person.
I’m 15, I turn 16 in three weeks. I have a job that’s pretty mediocre, get good grades, I’m what you […]
It’s the second time I write here today. I really thought things would take a turn for the better but It wasn’t the case. It makes some pretty good time since I got this bad. I just wanna cry but I simply can’t, maybe it’s because I don’the have the option to fail this time. Like my life would crumble if I did that, there was also one other thing that bothers me. My family have seen the pages I’ve been accessing and then they found out about suicideproject.org. No need to say they are very worried about me but even so they […]
So in 3 to 4 weeks I’m ending it just have to do a test run then gain the balls to just end it. I don’t give a fuck or a rats are anymore. Not even sure why I was born the only sucky thing is my family are going to have to bury me with no photo or nothing. I’m over family and parents. They only give a shit about themselves and haven’t once begun to understand mental illness. Funny thing is its going to have to be a burden to bury me or cremate me for my family. Cold heartless family.
Well 3-4weeks then […]
Well, I’m here and I will keep moving forward, yesterday I left my dad’s house, I plan on living with my mom from now on, don’t know for how long and don’t wanna think about it right now, my dad is kinda down, he suffers from “depression” (I think it’s like that, don’t know how to say it in English) so yeah… my departure made him feel very bad, and I keep blamming me for this, being responsible for someone’s sadness like that, that’s very heavy! I feel so… sellfish. I always cared for the others first but they can’t see or feel it and […]