Why is it that everyday for the last 17 months I have prayed that I will die in my sleep? Why do I hope that I would get cancer and pass quickly? Die in a single car accident? I would have been long gone by now if I wasn’t such a coward. I am sick of hearing that it will get better. Its been 17 months already and I am too tired to keep up the fight. The pain only gets worse with each passing day. I have spoke with counselors at the VA and that hasn’t helped. Zoloft hasn’t helped. I have spent countless […]
I could commit suicide. I know what it would do to my family. Sometimes that is enough but the probability of future despair and current pain. If I have no hope it will get better, why bother.
Not that I have access to a gun of course as I live in England! .. Anyway, up until a week or so ago, I THOUGHT I had successfully over come the curse of the black ending which is suicide. I don’t think I had really considered it for about a year, which was really something for me as I spent 4 or 5 years previously to that engulfed in seesaw suicide battles of which at times really brought me to my knee’s, crying against the wall etc…
Anyway, I think this turn for the worst was brought on by a supposed friend who over the […]
I don’t know if anyone will even read all of this and offer some viable help for me to end my suffering. Please I’m not looking for a lecture to the values of life and what not. Also what remains of my once dysfunctional family is chipped away to only my very elderly judgmental mother and me, we are barely in touch, we didn’t even talk at my dad’s funeral. I just need advise to exit in a dignified and painless way.
I was an intelligent kid with a high IQ and EQ. Born in Asia and sent to university in NA by age of 15. […]
I’m losing my daughter to her father. Her father who told me he molested her. I tried it to the cops, I’ve even called CPS. but since they can’t prove anything and he is more financially secure than I am he his going to get custody. I lost my job because of all the ccourt dates. My family is leaving state, the only support I have is leaving. I’m a shut in, my neighbors don’t even know I exist. I had a friend but they were killed year before last. I’m going to have no one. I have severe social anxiety couldn’t even call for […]
I am an 18 year old male. If this content is too graphic please remove the post, I just don’t have anywhere to turn. Ok, lets get started.
I have a phobia, which entails people thinking I am masturbating. This may sound weird, but it has been developed over the past 4 years, and furthered by constant negative reinforcement.
It all started around the time I was 14, I had begun masturbating prior to this, but before this I really didn’t feel the true motivation to do it. Maybe I am a late bloomer? Anyway, I was caught several times around this age by my mother, and […]
I made a terrible mistake in life. It’s affected me tremendously over the past 2 years. I am ashamed of my past situation, embarrassed with the present, and fearful of the future.
7 years ago, I accepted a job with the federal government. The organization I worked for has a bad reputation with the public. Everyday you can find examples of governmental malfeasances that happen in the news.
The agency that I worked for was TSA. I am so deeply ashamed of myself for working there, because of the bad reputation with the public. Myself and others who have worked their have been verbally and psychologically abused […]
joiner theory of suicide
According to the interpersonal-psychological theory, the desire for death by suicide results from the confluence of two interpersonal states: perceived burdensomeness and thwarted belongingness. While feelings of burdensomeness and low belongingness may instill a desire for suicide, they are not sufficient to ensure that desire will lead to a suicide attempt. Indeed, in order for this to occur, the theory suggests a third element must be present: the acquired ability for lethal self-injury.
I’ve suffered from depression a lot in my life. In the late 1990’s, approaching 40 years old, I fell into a deep depression my wife later said I should have been hospitalized for. I was overweight, had left my job and sold our home hoping to follow my dreams. I was (and still am) married with 3 of my 5 children still at home. The 2 oldest had started college.
The money I made from selling our home began dwindling away. I didn’t have a concrete plan or goal as to what I wanted to do but just a vague idea. I ended up moving my […]
after my first post i realised that as much as i hate talking about what bothers me, i have to… so here goes… this is the reason why i have lost my way, my happiness and my self..
All through high school my parents fought, as much or maybe more than every married couple does, but after a while my dads drinking had gotten worse by the day, my parents stopped sleeping in the same room, they stopped having conversations ( apart from the usual ‘whose gonna pay the bills’ argument), and we stopped being a family.
When i started university and they assumed i was now […]
I would not categorize my self as depressed, but as an angry, lost, and weak individual. I’ll start my story in the year 1986. My father and mother have meet, fell in love and decided to get married. My father’s family was against it due to social, culture, and financial difference. But my father went and got married anyway, Romantic you might think? But it’s not. My mother had so much shit from his family and here family [they refused to help and just got money]. And my father did not do anything but stood in the corner and did nothing. He was, he is selfish.
Speeding […]
Three weeks ago, I posted what I had hoped was the last thing I’d ever write. Fast forward three weeks and I am still here, afraid to kill myself. I know how I want to do it, I know what needs to be done to end it. I’ve lost my girlfriend, distanced myself from friends and family as much as possible, written my notes, everything is in order. Despite all these things, I am still so afraid to attempt suicide again because I am afraid to fail for a second time. I ask myself every day why I am here, why I allow myself to […]
So, the “he” from my last update said hi today. Yes, he is in prison & he’s not supposed to have contact with me or the family at all. But he told his mom to tell “the guys” that he said hi. From now on, I shall refer to “him” as James. Of course, for the sake of privacy for both him & his family, that is not his actual name.
Anyways, that one small word made me fucking melt in both good & bad ways. When my mother walked upstairs to inform me of his greeting, my heart just fucking stopped. Every little memory […]
31 make lots of money, try to be a good person yet it seems like I have a tendency to ruin every relationship now this time it was my marriage divorce is almost final. No one I meet ever understands what it’s like to feel this way I’m just fucking unhappy all the time unless I drink so much I “feel” fine until it wears off.
Therapy , psychs, meds none of it changes anything I want out…….
But then take into consideration my family how will they feel? Even my soon to be ex wife…….
Am I selfish for giving up? My whole life I’ve tried […]
I don’t think I will ever be happy. A meaningful life is not within my grasp. There is no version of me from this point that can get there. No version that can be content with how things are, or feel at peace.
I still have hope, but it’s irrational hope. It’s constantly smacking it’s head against the logical reality of who I am, and how I’ve lived, and it’s painful. It would be better for me to let it go. But if I do that, what else is left?
So what am I doing here? I’m suffering. Either I’m stressed out from work, or exhausted, or […]
i always thought this was an interesting aspect what did everyone do on what they thought was going to be there last day on earth ?
i got up early, went to school, hung out with all my friends, came home,ate my favourite take away, cleaned my room, showered, wrote a note, took a handful of pills and went to sleep. unfortunately it obviously didnt work and i woke up in the middle of the night in severe pain regretting what i had done
Tonight is the night I want to do it. However I am unprepared I have no note to leave for family or any remaining friends. Maybe of I devote the entirety of tomorrow to writing it I will be able to end it tomorrow night.
I might be a little older than others using this page. I’m 36 married and 3 kids…One of them is 3 years old. But these thoughts always come into my mind that my family would be better off without me. The weight of it. I’ve struggled with these thoughts for years. My wife can find someone bettet
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
Dreaming about having a boy’s body. Walking around with toned arms, flat chest. And I’m happy and free, ya know?
And then I wake up in a foreign cage. And the family thinks I’m a possessed “girl.”
Rather be dead than live a bloody muddy ruddy fucking lie.