Hello everybody. I really hate alot of things about myself. I am also sick with social anxiety and clinical depression. I recently discovered that I’m transsexual. I’m an 18 year old attending college to get a mechanical engineering degree. I feel like if I transition I’m going to destroy everything I worked for because I heard that workplaces just hate hiring transgender people. I also feel like if I transition I’m going to end up still looking manly due to being fat, acne ridden and hairy. I am also half black and from what I researched and understand black male to female transgender people don’t […]
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family
HUH. so here im letting out my depression in online world man im so messed up. Let me tell u about myself im cooper 17 years old got a sister we are 5 years apart ( shes 22 now) . She got enrolled in college at country side so my family had to move from city to a godforsaken rural area by family i mean my mother ,me and my sister ya i know i dont have a dad he died in some acciedent when i was 1 . well the messed up part is im not sure how he died how does he look […]
Today, 09/05, I just turn 25. I am just so blessed for being able to complete another year of my life.
So very blessed.
Today was a day like all days, nothing out of the ordinary. Simple, normal, even monotonous I could say. But it’s ok; it makes me happy just being alive. I make sure my parents hear me saying that. I am so blessed. (help me). I am finishing my Production Engineering course at the end of the year and I am glad. (please help me) this is definitely what I want for my life. I make sure my friends hear me saying that. (somebody) […]
I’ve been researching a lot about reasons to live. Not because I have a friend or a family member or even an acquaintance that has decided to take a step towards ending their life but because of the fact that I want to end my life. My extreme anxiety and shyness makes me wonder if my reasons to commit suicide are the same as the general populations–or maybe I’m researching because I can’t decide on one specific reason why all these thoughts haunt me in the few hours I am not forcing myself to take a nap.
Either way, everything I have found so far […]
I was 21 when I first had suicidal thoughts. I was struggling at college, and had frequent migraines. The first time was really upsetting -how could I imagine doing that to myself? I kept going, and even managed to finish college. I got a job, and constantly worried that people would see me as not good enough, and wouldn’t want me around. It was hard to sleep. I would agonise over mistakes I could make. I changed job, and things got worse. I had a manager who was passive aggressive and a supervisor who was cruel, insulting us at every opportunity. I attempted suicide twice […]
I don’t know where to start.
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. That alone was absolute hell. Every day was about reading the bible and going door to door to convert people. I never had time to be a kid. To make it worse fun was practically a sin. When pokemon came around I wasn’t aloud to play, because Pokemon were “Demons”. When Harry Potter came around I wasn’t aloud to read, because harry potter is a “Warlock.” Instead I spent my entire youth learning how to speak in tongues, how to convert someone, that I’m a bad person. There were no holidays in my […]
Today has been one of the toughest day of my life. I block all those people who have hurt me. Why bother keeping in touch with them, why bother letting them know that I’m dying, they won’t care. Like today I lost a friendship today. I spoke the truth, but he either didn’t care or just to worry about his past that he didn’t want another problem. Or maybe I was blabbing my mouth just to get him out my life. But I’ve realized that it was a sign. Him and the others weren’t worth my attention because they never wanted it in the first […]
Letter to nobody
I have been started to write a letter or something similar about my thoughts maybe someone will understand the pain inside
I am an immigrant from east, arrived in Belgium for a better life, but the things did not work that way, they just went down the drain slowly. I work in a computer store, giving other people advices about how to run computers, fixing it problems something like .it was fun at the beginning because this is a thing I like to do the whole it thing, but slowly it is not working anymore.
My wife and I arrived in Belgium to make a […]
I haven’t been able to stop the tears from rolling today. Driving out to pick up my kids I almost slammed into a semi full of fuel but didn’t and then had a second chance to pull right out in front of one doing 70mph. I’m sure that would’ve done the trick and it would have been an accident so my kids would still get the life insurance. But I hadn’t seen my babies for a week and I couldn’t leave them without one last hug and kiss goodbye. Today I confided in the guy that seems to be the root of my demons only […]
Seriously. I’ve tried and failed to take my own life, and my family will hurt less if I get “murdered”.
I’m in California. You’d think finding a way to “accidentally” die here would be easier…
Im sad and angry. Very much of both.
I toy with the idea of taking the life of some motherfucking douchbag that doesn’t deserve the life they were born into. But I cannot do it.
It angers me that someone so pure at heart can get the shaft and be born to a broken home and ya ya blah blah blah boo hoo etc, yet some fucking foul piece of shit can have it all; loving family, high metabolism, a perfectly not undersized manhood, opportunity.
God is cruel.
Is it wrong to resent the people who told the law enforcement and children services that I was lying about all the things my mothers boyfriend did to me… Even if they’re family?… I know it’s been yrs since it’s happened but with all my flashbacks I’m still trying to figure things out.. I’m so confused about everything.. I’ve been trying to make since of everything all day and I’m only spinning in circles. Sorry for ranting on…
I’ve been dead for a while now. I have removed myself from friends and family, acquaintances, reality. I have sat in one room for 2 days now. No one has missed me or checked on me either. Not moving except to go to the bathroom. Well, longer than that if you want to be technical. For about a year and a half, I have gone through the motions of living. I have a steady job and income. But I realize that I’ve been dead for a long time. At least dead to who I used to be and maybe I never really was anyone to […]
Things seemed like they were going great, I’m so stupid. Why the fuck would I be optimistic when life just had to bite me in the ass. I have to go to Sydney, a massively overcrowded city to see my family, be tossed from one family to the other whilst old people hug me and say I have grown so much, see my best friend (and I use that term lightly) who has ignored me since I last went back to Sydney. I also get to see her older brother (my old crush from when I was little) and he loves to torment me saying […]
It seems to me like suicide is my only way out. Everything started going down hill when I graduated from high school 3 months ago. I moved into my own apartment. My parents have never been supportive and were abusive. I was going to college to get my nursing degree. I was determined to work and go to school full time. Over the past month, I have lost everything except the roof over my head. I’m working myself to death rolling burritos at Taco Bell. I’ve lost most of my friends over the summer due to either me moving or them going to college. I […]
It was the supreme power, matrix or whatever it is called wanted me to suffer. That’s why all those escape routes I could have were brutally eliminated. I am made to loose and suffer. Family is one big cause of this mess but there were other reasons too. No matter how much I try, the supreme power will always derail it. May my life end quickly. Hopefully today. On this auspicious occasion of Ganesh Puja, a religious Hindu festival I want to finish this mess called life.
Many people here frequently talk about ending it all and even make plans but never actually do it. Some say they stay for their family, some their faith, and some are just curious about what the next day will bring. So what’s your reason for sticking around?
This pain I’m having needs to stop already I can’t sleep it feels as if someone put a knife through me the pain. I’m having is sharpness just when will it ever end my damn scoliosis is such a bother n I feel as if I can’t really enjoy life I know I have appointments to see doctors for them to help me n shit but I can only wait so long till my breaking point. It’s such a ***** to deal with I cry when I’m alone n when my friends or family r around I hide my feeling I don’t want them to […]
I RAISED MY SON TELL HE WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD, THEN HIS MOTHER DECIDED TO TAKE HIM BACK. HE IS NOW 25 YEARS OLD. I WASNT ABLE TO TALK TO HIM TELL HE WAS 16 YEARS OLD WHEN HIS MOTHER WANTED ME TO TAKE HIM BACK. HE DIDNT WANT TO COME BACK TO WASHINGTON, BECAUSE HE HAD A GIRL FRIEND THERE AND DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE HER.
HIS MOTHER THEN THROUGH HIM OUT AT 16, BECAUSE MY SON AND HIS MOTHERS BOYFRIEND DIDNT GET ALONG. ANYWAY, ME AND MY SON STARTED TALKING THROUGH EMAIL. ONE DAY HE WOULDNT ANSWER MY EMAILS FOR ALMOST SIX MONTHS. […]
As I write this, I’m sitting in bed with a loaded 9mm and capt Morgan white rum.
For the life of me I don’t get why I can’t do it, all my life all I’ve whined about and cursed god to do was take my life, yet presented with the opportunity I can’t do it… This is NOT a plead for help nor is it having second thoughts, my life has been shitty since birth! The usual… Father issues, my whole family gives me the cold shoulder.hell, one of my aunts thought it would be a good idea to tell me how my mother was […]