So.Next week I’ll have my final and the most advanced exam. So I know it’ll be little hard. I’m depressed and I can’t remember many things. But I know I will pass with just low grades. But, when can I do what I love to do? I hate this formal advanced education. I’m facing exam that I don’t want to be. I won’t be who I wanna be. I’m forced to do my family wanna see. See you later people. I just do best as I can. Hopeless what to do next..
Sometimes i wanted to end up this socalled life, sometimes im so scared about death, about the hell we sorta know less about.
and every night, like EVERY NIGHT, when i think about loads of worries, and all those problems of the years ive been thru i feel like shit, i dont know but i think its the uncertainty, which scares most humans, i dont know what am i doing tomorrow, my hearts pounding so loud, yet sorry not fast, thats the point which scared me like hell, i thought id die every single night, freaking creepy and i wont even kno im dead the other […]
She smiles through a thousand tears,
and harbors adolescent fears.
she dreams of all that she can never be;
she wades in insecurity
and hides herself
in
me.
The scratching and the biting,
The screaming and the fighting.
The hollow words
Fly like wingless birds
Into endless spirals
Of full-fledged denials
And I find myself crying, alone.
I push you away
Yet I want you to stay.
Why is it so hard
When I’ve already come this far?
Caught back in the lies,
Truth pouring from my eyes
And I find myself dying, alone.
My wrists are untouched
But my legs, not so much.
I could sit in this madness,
Divulge in the sadness
Creating the cuts,
Loosening bolts and nuts
And I find myself, alone.
I’m alone in the sorrow.
I’m alone til tomorrow.
I’m […]
In darkness of the night
I spied him in a tree
Sat I froze by the sight
He was looking at me
The summer’s heat became a chill
The angel of death at his kill
My heart skipped with the fright
Blinked my eyes to bet’r see
Glanced back with all my might
Parted he my comp’ny
My chest was quickly pounding still
The angel of death at his kill
I did rise and take flight
The fear made me to flee
From darkness into light
To free captivity
Unbinding my soul from his will
The angel of death at his kill
Many years since that night
Gazed […]
I am so hollow inside. I always thought that I am doing something important, something that will make me perfect. but now i am realizing that that was all bullshit, hypocrisy, painting the circumference while inside was all empty. I don’t know when did i became such a hypocrite. maybe i always was. i always wanted to do something big, achieve something great. back then, when it all started, one of my fears was to have a difference between thought and action. and it seems that fear has now come true. and with what magnitude! I tried to be spiritual, i tried to be philosophical, […]
Down in lines across the veins
It runs, drips and drains
Singing songs of total despair
the feeling one cannot compare
Euphoria down deep to the bone
drops drying in a new tone
Writing words at time with fright
a crimson flow my greatest delight
Letting out my fears
this has gone on without tears
Often scars happen at night
in day realize i’m not alright
Initiating relief slowly getting harder
life alone worse than a martyr
Pools of water stained with red
i’m alive, i never wanted to do what i did
I may be because i’ve already died
or it might be i’m Broken Inside
I can see that this is how things will continue to be. I wake up every day worried. On a Saturday where I have the choice to not interact with the world and just hide from it. My best friend can tell something is not right, but I just don’t want to have that conversation anymore. Unless you have experienced it yourself, there are simply no words to express the darkness. Some of us are just damaged and broken.  I feel like I don’t fit anywhere in this life.
I am losing this battle. My battle to live, experience joy. My life is so consumed by my fears of failing […]
I can’t do this.
With every new experience, everything I do, I just get broken down more by how stupid the world is.
I always thought I got out of my parents’ house, faced my fears, I’d be ok. That everything would get better. But now I’m moved out and everything still sucks.
Boyfriend is away for two and a half weeks. It hasn’t even been one and I’m meh and depressed and mad. He said we’d talk “lots.” Lots for us is constantly. We’ve barely talked at all. I’ve talked to his older brother more than to him. And mostly I’m just mad at his parents for […]
He broke me down and got into my core, the capital of my heart. He happily resided in the blood of my soul, or so I thought. Unknowingly he was living in someone elses heart much more happily resided in theirs rather than mine. Caressed my mind with sweet nothings and empty words that should’ve been full of emotion. Worked into my brain and blindsided me from the signs. From the facts. I thought maybe somebody could be content and liberated with just me and no one else. Told me his fears and goals. Broke into tears full of heartbreak and confusion .. all for […]
I’ve been fine, I can honestly say that the days counting up to the end of the school year I have not been depressed in the slightest and have been looking forward to finding things to do, but I feel depressed again and a bit suicidal and have no direction “why am I living?” if I died there’d be ruckus for a bit but life would move on regardless of how much I would want people to miss me. Thinking like this makes me reminisce because I’m feeling very small and unimportant, I’m was always willing to change myself because I thought how I was […]
Hello, my depressive friends. So i want to sharehere my thoughts and feelings. If i feel a sadness, (last times i most felt that.) me like a more peopld listen sad music. And one of these song with beatiful metaphors and brutal melody – Suffokate – Distant Words. I hear that in my lost 2012 summer…era of my fears and tears.. so by the theme. If you understand my mind read the lyrics..i have many ttoubles, and i didnt see the true escape. If you want, i will tell you my horrors. Thanks
Loss on these city streets distant faces distant memories
A city built upon […]
welcome to the world kid,you have about 13 years to be happy,to be you,to be like nietzche said a superman,dont care about religión,responsability,education,prejuices,tabus,even sex.in this period you are you in your pure state,not influenced by society.when this period ends your mind starts to change,your feelings are new you will have to go to school,study like a damn nerd,obey the rules.now you are not you anymore,you are influenced by the people that surrounds you,their ideas,their fears.your doors are closing slowly.that pure kid that you where is dying.religion enters your life even if you dont like it at all.you have been raised to be a responsable,calm and […]
What I Wish I’d Known Five Years Ago – Finn Butler
“
I know the heart is a heavy thing
and if today you managed to lift it
a few inches off the ground,
I am proud.
You need to understand that there are no turning points.
Your life is not a movie and your fears will not disappear
as soon as someone loves you back. There are only moments
when the glimmer of light you are chasing seems closer
than the darkness that is always chasing you but in these moments
every single thing has been worth it.
And I know sometimes you only want it […]
I sit at the edge of the fountain whilst all the children play within. There is ample water that does not touch me or cool me. My reflection broken on a thousand surfaces. A thousand eyes. A thousand fears.
i feel the safe and warmth of my bed
the demons still hover over my head
i can never get away
its not safe in my safe place
i feel the comfort of the thinning sheets
its the finest place i have to bleed
these four walls are faded and falling in
this is the place where i hang my head
i have nothing to show for over the years
the accomplishments to face my fears
i have nothing to call my own
this is a hallowed place i call my home
i have no one left i can meet
loneliness i cannot beat
the sucking void is plugging up
its taking me, im afraid im stuck
its never very satisfied
i […]
There’s nothing to do, There’s nothing to say
Just lay down and go slowly away
All of my dreams, All of my fears
None of it matters, none of its real
Soon this will be over
Soon there will be no more reason to cry
Soon this will be over
Soon there will be a reason to cry
I wasn’t born this way
I never wanted to hate
They turned me into this
Now its too late
Blatant manhunt seeks party
Bonding cement no longer holds
Parting lips too young to grow old
Addicted romance love tested
Healing from substance abuse
Wickedly resenting
Never faces itself
Torturer taints animal waits
Righteous real realtime intrusion
Fears filtered for reasons unknown
I keep running
running away from my problems, running toward my goals,
running to anywhere, everywhere as long as it’s not here.
I should take a moment to look at where I am at, but there’s no time.
I have to keep running.
I’m chasing and being chased.
The past is on my heels as I try to keep up with the future, the present.
But now always changes and quickly becomes the past just as I realized it is the future – it was the future.
Run.
I run towards my dreams, aspirations, […]
I am not sure of how ,people speaking about a form on how to kill one’s self. Is anyone listening to this shit. If you want to kill your self then pickup the weapon of choice and use it. That’s if you have the mine set. Just do it. Death is the end to us all, anyway. What different does it make on when your going to die some day. We all know this right , yet we all face that last road block ,you know who I am talking about yeah him. The MAN and his book ,it has been pounded […]
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