I feel bad for telling people how I feel . Most say that I am too much , and that they cannot handle it .
God I wish I just had someone to sit with me and that would let me lay in their lap and cry .
I can’t even talk about my suicidal thoughts and it kills me .
I wish I could leave this life, I just want to see things more beautifully .
I want to wake up and see the sun and trees and birds outside and feel happy to be alive . I’d rather sleep , and that’s all the energy I have […]
Hi all,
Me and my mom are suffering from various psychological disorders like – anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), etc.
I have learnt a lot about these diseases on the internet and at least I got some idea of how to cope with these disorders.
But my mother.. she does not have any access to the internet, nor does she have any knowledge of the disorders she is suffering from, and hence she is helpless.
I know I should talk to her regarding the disorders and comfort her. But I really don’t know where to start and most importantly, I don’t […]
I have so many secrets that are eating me up inside . That literally no one knows . I think it’s time to share some of them .
I’m addicted to meeting older guys online and meeting them in person. I just have a thing for older men. About 25-30 . I don’t know why. I feel like only
These people online give me the time of day . They listen to me . And plus I like
Getting free food from them.. I never end up really talking to them again. I just never feel a connection.
I think it is that I just […]
I don’t understand why I let her in again. It took less than 24 hours for me to fall back under her spell. I have no power in this relationship- I never have. When I left her ten months ago, I slowly started to gain my self-confidence and independence back. But four days ago, I let her back into my life. I am weak again, and I just want her to hold me and run her fingers through my hair. I am so close to my 1000th day of not self-harming, and I have not stopped thinking about cutting […]
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I really ought to be festive this time of year.
But my moods are getting me down. Literally
I’ve made a plan for January. Once Christmas is over. I will try to kill myself again.
I can’t do it before now. Because it’s too close to Christmas. As much as I don’t care I still care about how my family feel. I can’t have the anniversary of my death this close to Christmas every year.
But January would give them time to feel more detatched from it by that time next year.
I think I’ve found a more permanent way of doing it this time.
I just need somewhere to write […]
I cant do it this is stupid. Im too tired to move most of the time. Its a battle to not beat myself up all day. My best friend has stopped talking to me so she can kill herself and now ignores me im alone so im back here to be judged and picked apart. I want to die. Ive been suicidal for decadesm i should want to die. Im tires im sick my job is stressful. Everything is a suicide trigger I can’t stop over eatting. I am just scratching the surface I’m so angry i punch things at work randomly. Im undatable, uninteresting, […]
i want to inspire you, to challenge you to feel like you haven t felt before.i want to know you…as i told you so many time: i wanna know what makes you tick,babe. you are so adorable that i feel the need to be overprotective with you…it s hard to restrain myself, it s hard to restrain myself to not love you because i already told you, you are soooo easy to love.your simplicity and natural way of being overwhelmes me … it makes me think…would it be ok for her to be mine?could i love her the way she deserves to be loved? would […]
I watch everyone’s days go on around me. I feel like in stuck in time. Depression has slowed me.
I feel even when I sleep for hours, I do not feel rejuvenated. I don’t feel good.
Even when I have the least bit of confidence, it soon diminishes after a few seconds.
I feel content for moments at a time. Yesterday I felt the warm sun . I was happy. But that feeling soon disappeared.
I think it’s hard to get better. Nothing seems to have a point. I don’t feel like there’s any reason to be alive. I don’t think my life has meaning at all.
I wish […]
No one knows how much I’m suffering . And the ones who do tell me I’m too much. So what do I do?
I’ve been going about every day all by my self . And I am alone . All my thoughts get to me . Some days I stand outside and notice how beautiful it is and feel the warm sun and close my eyes and i somehow feel content in that moment , being by my self .
Whenever I’m going to hangout with someone , they end up making excuses to why they can’t hangout. I wish people would straight up tell me they […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I got fired today . I honestly feel better . I got fired because I was late . & this is my first time being late . But it’s whatever . I could care less . That place is fucking toxic. I feel like everyone there bully’s me. So I don’t care . I feel like that place was really bringing me down . I need a new environment and new people .
I hope to make a change in my life
Today was really hard . I had to get through work without breaking down . But I think my sadness turned into anger today . I work at a smoothie bar/wrap place and I was trying to make a wrap and the tortilla kept breaking and so I threw it at the wall. I was so fustrated . And it was so busy. I hate serving people . Everyone is always in a hurry. I can’t wait to finish my dental assisting class so I can get a real job.
I wish life wasn’t so hard for me . I wish I had it easier . […]
I wake up everyday still with thoughts, regrets and choices ive made n just have to keep breathing n moving. I have no motivation to do anything, i feel i deserve to feel this way. Like i shouldnt have dared to try and live a good life. Im numb to everything, stuck sulking in my mind. But day by day i keep waking up, empty, half alive. Praying for it to be over. I want this. I cant believe i want this
Why?
Why does no one care?
Why does no one see that I’m hurting?
Why does no one understand that to me, presence is more important than presents?
Why am I still alive if I don’t want to be?
Why does life feel like a stream pulling me down? Why do I feel like it would be a lot easier to give up than to keep fighting?
Why can I not be happy?
I guess it doesn’t matter. Because, if they don’t understand my silence, the won’t understand my words.
I had a very stressed week this week. With everything going on its made me feel more depressed than ever. I was hoping today would be different. My friend and I kind of planned on meeting up after work a few hours ago, but after I got a message saying he couldn’t stay. He had left for his other friends. My heart literally shattered when I read the message (and what made it worse is my feelings I have for him..). I could not believe it. I thought hanging out with him would raise my spirits, make me feel so much better. But no. He […]
I find my self not caring even more every day. What’s the point?
I don’t have any friends anymore . I’m practically alone . And at first I was scared but now I’m fine. I feel awkward being in public . I’m still really social , I just feel like people are judging me .
I find enjoyment in going on dates with other men. This is my secret . I done this so many times. i get to feel like the spotlight is on me for 3 seconds . But in the end none of these men make me happy . I don’t feel the need […]
Pain.
That’s the closest thing I have right now that will help me feel human. I have my family around and yet I feel so alone. They are not people I can talk to about these feelings. They just never understand. They think I’m only looking for attention. That’s why I keep these things from them all the time.
I feel so disconnected, I need something to bring me back to reality.
So yeah, pain. Just one cut. Just a glimpse of blood. That will make me feel alive again.
So I’ve known for many years that something is fundamentally wrong with me. For the longest time I felt like it was just major depression. I thought maybe it just stemmed from my childhood, and the abuse I went through growing up. I also felt like it could be hormone imbalance as I have an under active thyroid and have to take steroids and hormones to make up for the lack there of. So I thought, maybe it has something to do with one or both. However I have sought help, and after about 6 months of feeling more like a number and less like […]
Step one of five has been completed. My death date is January 9th. The same date as my birthday. My first step was to leave school. Well technically I got kicked out/academic probation but I didn’t tell anyone that. As far as everyone knows (including my family) I’m transferring to another school. I couldn’t tell anyone that I’m getting kicked out. I’m not blaming anybody for everything I did wrong and why i didn’t do well. I just don’t know what happened. I was doing so well with school and making straight A’s for the first 2 years. And I don’t even want to blame […]
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