I almost did it…. I tied a rope around the door and put my head through the loop…. As I stood there, standing on a stool, all I kept thinking about was my 4 month old son…. I started so feel so fucking guilty… If I do this… Will he have a fucked up life? Will his father give him up, neglect him… Would he think that this was his fault and that I didn’t love him…. I just can’t. I climbed down off the stool and thought to myself.. What the fuck r u doing. Ur such a weak *****!
Tag:
feel
I remember years ago someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love. I tried. Did I?
written by freedomseeker
Here you are. There, you are. I love your person. I just love it. Sorry. Wasn’t on purpose… Just, like that. You were nice, you often are. You’re beautiful, I love your smile. I want to see it, always, forever, on your face. You deserve it. You’re a good person. I want to know who you are. I do. Sorry. You’re just the kind of person I feel good with. I don’t need to have a defensive posture. I feel like I can be myself, I feel like you’re talking to people and not to their position on the social scale. I’m sorry for looking […]
You know when you see another’s mannerisms, and they’re unique and interesting. Just the way they carry themselves catches your eye. It’s so fascinating to me that a person can be imbued with such rich qualities that down to the way they behave unconsciously is welcoming and full of life. It’s amazing to me what another person can do for your life, good and bad.
i feel a deeply warm feeling from some people, those who really actually care. The quality of the conversations about nothing that still yield joy. The feeling when they reach out, just to ask how you’re doing, it’s […]
I heard from an old friend again yesterday. He’s this 20 year old kid who has a hard time dealing with life and figuring out what he wants and who he is. I’ve known him since he was 16 but never met in person because he lives way too far away. He looks up to me for advice and such but he will talk to me for a few days then disappear for months on end, leaving me to feel like I can’t rely on him coz he’s just a kid. He waited until he was 18 to tell me that he liked me and […]
I don’t wanna get up and go through the motions of my day, I just wanna sit here and cry. I don’t really have a reason to cry, which makes it even worse….I just cry because I’m me. I cant tell any of my friends about how I think about dying all the time, which makes me feel even more alone and hopeless. I don’t really want to get better, I kinda like to feel this way, I like being sick and don’t want help. I just want someone to cry with me.
Two years, a recent attempt. A short trip. I get released just as easily. A mistake in calling, not knowing the trip would happen, or that it would be mandatory. They make me feel like shit, but at this point much anyone and anything does that. A rock could do that. Im too sensitive and not in a good way, I remain bitter. I try to operate from a place of rightous anger. At this moment, I’m surrounded by people I am aware do not like me. I was supposed to accept it, but when you feel… like that sort of weird, unapprochable person for […]
Somewhere, in some other time, i am living my nightmare;
Here and now, i am living my perfect life;
Here and in some other time, i am living my nightmare;
Somewhere and now, i am living my perfect life;
I am living my other self’s perfect life, while my other self is living a nightmare.
My other self is living my perfect life, while i am living my nightmare.
Connected only through dreams…
Through dreams….
I can taste what a perfect life would taste like
Through dreams……
I come to know of sorrows and losses which can make my life hell
Connected only by dreams…..
I loved you with all of my heart. We’ve been apart for two months and you have no idea how much I think of you. Still. Every. Single. Day. The last time we talked, we fought, after trying to be “friends” for a few weeks. It came as a shock to me, because we never fought. But when we occasionally did, I never defended myself. You’re the one person I can’t stand up to. I loved you too much to fight you. But this time I did. This time was different. You told me I wasted months of your life… funny. You didn’t even get […]
This site has been helping me so much. Thank you all again. I don’t want I’m trying to say in this post. I just want to post. I’m finding writing difficult today, so it might not make much sense.
I feel like I’m breaking. I don’t want to keep saying the same things over and over. Things are just worse right now. Depression is agony. Any coping tips you use, relaxation videos, $10,000 treatment programs you’re selling, etc, would be greatly appreciated. I’m still practicing meditation and it’s been helping more and more, but these past few days have been so painful. Any addition to what […]
There are these layers within me. The first one is an ugly smile. I wear it when I can.
The second is my humour. Its black and depressive but effective.
The third is a wall of nothing. It stands there as a last outer defense against this world and all of its people.
The fourth is tears. Those pathetic single-tear dramatisations which reveals and inspires the shame of my being.
The fifth is weeping. The kind when you try to keep silent so nobody hears you but can all see the hiccups of your chest. It lasts for a lifetime. Its the thickest, but most fragile wall. It makes […]
I guess I should start with introductions. I am a 14 year old girl in my Sophomore year of high school. I have hardly any friends, and I wouldn’t consider my blood family, family.
Last week I found out that one of my few friends only wanted to be my friends because he wanted to be with me. He has completely ignored my existence since a mutual friend told him I didn’t want to be with him. Now he is continually posting on Instagram about ‘not being loved’ and how ‘I suck at finding love’ and almost all of the posts are directed towards me.
Now I […]
What do you do when you’re divided into two again? When the part that wants to wait and fight is barely heard, and the other part wakes? When you can’t understand the words coming from your mouth… when everything is a blur of colours, noise, confusion and pain, and you stop believing you have the ability to make it end. Do you keep fighting for a forgotten world? Should you be afraid that you’re glimpsing into a past world where control belonged to something else in your mind? Do you listen? It’s like something sharing your mind, some dark, twisted thing, is alive again. It’s […]
I am afraid. Very simply put. Because very rarely am I just afraid with nothing else to feel. There are usually other things, like anxiety, or stress, anger. Not tonight. Tonight I am afraid of the dark, of my dreams, sleeping; of going insane, of staying like this for the rest of my life. I can’t….. I just can’t
I think most people like to think themselves essentially good. They’ve made mistakes. Maybe seriously hurt others along the way. But deep down inside, they mean well.
Suppose you come to realize that what really motivates you is rotten – that it comes from a place of hatred, resentment, fear and selfishness. And as a result you do awful, unforgivable things. Acts that mean others would no longer see you as human, if they knew. What then?
I’m fairly sure that most would feel compelled to end their lives, if they found themselves acting as I have. But then most would never do such things in the first place. When you […]
I wish I could have a better reason to feel like this, but I dont. I see so many people’s posts about the horrible things that have happened to them, and I feel so guilty. I could have it so much worse, why am I hurting over something so stupid.
I only put up with some shit from my boyfriend for 3 years and he decided to leave. It’s a common thing, why am I so hurt. I knew it would happen, but after a while I convinced myself that I was being paranoid. Of course, I wasn’t being paranoid. I just had dated a […]
I never though that I would honestly feel this way because I thought I would always be happy but I guess not. I always felt upset for some reason. Something would just happen that was happy it turned out to be upsetting when I thought of something different. I mean people would notice anything because they were to selfish and thinking about their stuck up lives and making a reason to make other people feel bad for them which I though was kinda stupid because other people are going through harder times which they don’t understand. I just want to go away that’s the easiest […]
If we could love ourselves, we would not need others to love us. Then it becomes irrelevant whether others love us or not. Fine if they love us. Fine if they don’t love us. But how do we get there? How do you and I get there? What is it that others see in themselves, in the world, that we can’t? At what angles do we need to tilt our heads? What does it mean to love ourselves? How does it feel to love ourselves? If taking care of ourselves is not love, then what is? At what point in the road does care turn […]
I cut myself knowing fully I want attention. Not just for that though. To release that endorphin to feel calm and relaxed and at peace with the world. I cut today to push on them through out the next few days to remember how little I’m loved. If I remember no one loves me then I wont ever get my hopes up to have them crushed
I’m beginning to lose my voice; not through a health condition or illness but because everything I say is meaningless…no one listens and I know deep down I’m not worth the time. I’m not funny and I say idiotic things, you’re suppose ignore stupidity right? I guess it makes sense now. I’ve been feeling like this hole in my chest getting deeper and deeper and I know it’ll eventually eat right through me till I’m completely erased. And to be honest, it relieves me. Maybe someday soon I’ll actually work up the courage to finally do it. It just gets so lonely.
It hasn’t […]
I was sucidal, fast forward a few years, ive gotten over it
I thought id let you know a lil’ bit more about me so i told i once felt like killing myself
I was so shocked when you told said
“suicide is wrong, it’s selfish; why cant you be more thoughtful?”
You made me feel as though i chose to be suicidal
& i should be ashamed and punish myself for it
Why cant you understand
I thought you were trustable
I
Thought
You
Were.