I’ve never cut myself, never.
Though I’ve felt the urge to. Many times. I’ve almost gone through with it but I don’t know why I never can. It makes me feel sick but curious at the same time. Scared that maybe it would trigger more numbness or anger.
I don’t think I will, but, those who do, or have felt some kind of relief from it… what does it feel like really…?
Feeling sleepy,
PURPLEPAIN
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Yiruma-Moon-Light.mp3
I’m tired. I’m just tired.
I’m tired of food. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of work. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of going outside. . I’m tired.
Anytime someone asks how I am, my answer isn’t “I’m fine”
The answer is “I’m tired”
I’ve lost any shred of hope that I might of had. And I don’t see the point.
And the funny thing? I’m tired…but I can’t sleep.
I guess I’m not physically tired. I’m mentally and emotionally tired.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I don’t feel like going anywhere. I don’t feel like talking.
I seriously […]
This feeling of numbness takes over,
Emotions no longer exist,
No happy, no sad, no scared and no mad,
And the numbness I cannot resist.
It follows me around like a shadow,
It’s dark and gloomy and dull,
Like a storm cloud hovering over my head,
And the huge world around me makes me feel small.
Living is a struggle that cannot be compared,
And everyday things are complex,
But I manage to get around and do things I love,
Though to do them are difficult projects.
Day by day and night by night,
The numbness never leaves,
Depression is hard and it weighs me […]
There is no reason for me to feel like this. There is no reason to hate myself this much. There is no reason to treat myself in this way and there is no reason for me to want to disappear.
I don’t know what type of thing I’m supposed to write on here so hopefully if I let it all flow out it’ll be right. Its getting to the point where I can’t talk to anyone anymore. I can’t hurt them. I can’t let them feel anything close to this. Although I’m not sure if it can be considered a feeling or a lack of. I […]
Entry one:
Hello there…
This is the first time I am posting (or posting at all about anything before) about something like this but I think it is important to see if someone actually cares. Don’t try to remember my name or even ask for it, I don’t want you to do that and I hope that you could come to understand me than turn me away like the rest of them. I’ll try to write every briefly, so here it goes:
Suicide comes and goes from my mind everyday and I’ve really tried my best to figure out what’s wrong with me so I could fix it […]
Hi, this is all very weird and to be honest I’m not sure how I ended up here whilst searching endlessly through the web with no specific aim…. but this place is about telling your story and the end to your story and so be it…hell what do I have to loseÂ
Lately I see nothing worth seeing in my life, I see bleakness, I see an effort for nothing, and effort being used tirelessely. I have tried, I know I have and that is what makes things all the harder, after having given all I have..and had in me to try and make this gift […]
I have a dilemma. A dilemma that makes me doubt my reasons for wanting to die sometimes.
1) I feel a certain fear towards actually going through with it. Which makes me feel like a coward. Does it make me one?
2) Some would say I (we) am a coward for thinking about suicide, for not standing up to life and it’s challenges.
Am I? Are we? Which one is it?
Feeling lost,
PURPLEPAIN
Lie in a bed of white, buried in cotton
Feeling empty, lost and hopelessly forgotten
Prescription bottles on the nightstand
Next to a rusted wedding band
Half-empty champagne glasses litter the floor
And there’s no where to turn anymore
So you climb into the bathtub and clutch the blade
Hoping that the voices in your head will fade
Everything that ever mattered slips away
And you engrave all the words that you couldnt say
As blood trickles down your legs, you cry
Because finally, you feel alive
I have never attempted suicide before and probably will never do that in the future, although I am suicidal. The depressing thought cannot get out of my head. Only watching people who are also suicidal can make me feel much better, because I tend to dispassionately analyze their feelings and so I become an observer rather than a sufferer.
There’s no point to live, but there’s no point to die either, from my perspective. That’s why I’m still alive. There’s no point to do anything. Suicide is such a luxury, an aggregation of  courage, ego, curiosity, perseverance, nonchalance about collective unconsciousness, motivation, liberation, freedom of self-expression, […]
Just curious, where are you people on here all from?
PD: Having my ups and downs still, but been hanging in there for a few weeks now. I spoke up to my parents recently, I actually feel better after actually letting them in.
Feeling okay,
PURPLEPAIN
I have deep depression. I fought it for years. then my meds wearing down without me realizing. was going suicidal before I…the only word I can think of is “forced:-I forced myself to confide in my parents…
from there I eventually started looking for support-in a few very close friends, in my siblings. I got aggressive in making the hurt and sadness disappear.
this isn’t the point and I don’t want to get sidetracked.
the point is im sick of it. just sick. revolted. tired. world weary.
eventually my supporters took my happier demeanor for granted. I was looking for more responsibility and was up and about more-but it […]
all my life I have been the freak, the weird one, the one nobody wanted to be friends with. people would look at me and laugh, call me ugly make me feel uselss. fat ugly weird scary whore slut emo, were only some of the names….
grade 2 was when it started. I never realy knew what it was, and I thought it was all a joke, I dident really care, cuz hey I was young. grade 4 was when it hit me, this is bullying. I never wanted to tell anyone because I was scared it would make it worse. the names that I was called […]
i spend most of my time, thinking to myself. trying to tell my self that yes, these people exist, they have feelings, their heart beat and they feel sad sometimes too.. but then again, how can I be so sure? and i can’t tell anyone how i really think, they’d think i’m crazy. who knows. Maybe i am crazy.
I spend most of my time wanting to die. the anxiety in me, the feeling of wanting to do everything at once, but having no purpose in doing it, not wanting to, why does it all matter? all what we do is grow up to get […]
Ever since I was fourteen or fifteen, I have had many, many fleeting periods of suicidal thoughts. They come often at times of stress. I will take a walk at night and consider throwing myself under the wheels of the passing truck. I am a rock climber, and I have tied a noose out of climbing rope and put it around my neck five times, just sitting alone. Last year I lived on the eleventh floor of my building, and considered pitching myself through the screen and out the window. I have gotten drunk and pulled a knife across my wrists, imagining what it would […]
My social isolation has increased since I entered my thirties two years ago. I have been single for some time. My friends have all settled into marriage and are now beginning the project of making babies. As they develop, I’m left behind. The more I stagnate, the more they pity me. The more they pity me, the less inclined they are to spend what little spare time they have with me. Exchanges become awkward. The result is that I’m not stagnating, I’m regressing. My alienation from others is cresting into hatred. I was raised and still live in NYC, where extreme privilege is now always […]
I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression, well since i was 15, is when i felt the horrible feel.
I wish i never felt that way ever again, and i would do so, to not feel that way again , is to not put myself in that position.
I fell in love again , and no this one isn’t a mistake, it is perfect. So perfect that it shows my imperfections.
Which introduced the horrible feeling back into my life. I’m 18 now going on 19. Â I fell in love 5 days after my birthday and been that way ever since. This relationship has showed me how broken […]
Yesterday afternoon I cutted myself, not a special thing, and afterwards I wrote this poem, which really describes my cutting. Hope you like it 🙂
That moment,
when the blood flows down your arm,
and you hear the blood drops drip.
That relaxing sound,
and the beautiful color of blood,
the relief you get.
The warmth of the cut,
and the stinging feeling of the blade,
but no hurt,
no pain.
You feel numb and relieved,
like you’re in a trance.
The blood still flows down your arm,
and your arm is covered in blood.
The blood drops drip a little faster,
drip…drip…drip…
Your body […]
Hey.
This is my first entry. I’ve never really been good with describing my pain or how I feel. So, bare with me, okay? I live in Montreal, Canada. My parents aren’t married and they have four kids, myself included. This has a lot to do in my life so it’s important that you note this.
I began to feel depressed when I was ten. My older sister, Veronica, was the main reason to my bullying. She always pushed me around and made me feel like shit. You might say that everyone feels like this at one point, right? Possibly. But what made this worst was that […]
Nathan,
I was really upset when you decided to take your own life back on June 23, 2002 and still think of it almost every day. I know you must have been going through some rough times but I really wish you would have contacted one of us (your family)for support. We had our share of fights growing up that I thought I would never forgive you for. As I sit here today writing this letter I can honestly say that I forgive you. There are so many things that I held onto over the years, maybe I could have learned to get over them and […]
Birthdays: supposed to be a day whereon good wishes help one to have a better day than usual. I am in trouble this year, today has been awful.
Everyday I wake up, go to the gym then to work, all the while trying to forget how lonely I am and how people do not help me feel less lonely. I get invites to other people’s birthdays and various nonsense, on mine, just like every other day, nothing. People Have no problem telling me what they need from me and criticizing me when I don’t provide it.
I am […]
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