i cut. not too much. i wasnt gonna do as much as i did. but its not too much i dont think. it doesnt seem so bad to me really. well ill just post a few pctures of it. so yeah thats it. i find them to be beautiful. please dont judge me.
Tag:
Feelings
i just have to. i cant not do it any longer. im going to cut. once again. the last time i cut was in early october. that was a really long time ago. at least it seems to me like it has been forever. every night i think about it. and i am CRAVING to do it. last night before i was going to sleep i was going to do it. but it was too close to the time my brother and mom wake up and i cant risk getting caught. my mom already wants me to do some psychiatric thing. i dont want to […]
Darkness is beauty, when it helps us escape from the harshness of light.
by sorrow_
written by sorrow_
You do not give me a chance to explain the way I feel.
You do not hesitate to criticize. You are quick to tell me that what I feel is wrong and it is unacceptable.
But you are the one who is wrong.
How could you tell me that I shouldn’t feel the way that I do? How dare you? Do you think that I enjoy it? Crying myself to sleep every night, cuddled myself with the darkness overwhelming my brain? Do you think that I choose to feel this way?
I don’t.
I don’t want to feel this way any longer. I would love help, but you seem […]
i feel so depressed. especially because im at home. i dont have the one person i wish was with me. i saw her today(my best friend that is). my parents wanted me to go to the store with them, but this morning i told my mom i dont wanna go anywhere. and when they left i went right to her house. but i feel sooo bad for what did. i enable her. soo much. and i hate it. she is an addict. even though its hard for me to say that and it breaks my heart to know that. its true though. and i am […]
I don’t want to be alive most days. I probably would have killed myself by now if I didn’t know that it would hurt too many people. Pretty much the only reason I have not attempted it yet. But I want to. I’m getting tired of wanting to. So I’m going to post this and try to move up. So I might think about it less and keep them safe from knowing that I want to die.
I am 19 years old, I go to community college and I work at a retailer to pay rent and school fees. I’m well off enough, I have savings, […]
a combination of happiness and suffering
and smiling and crying
it is a journey God picked
for us to travel and see
who made it to heaven or hell.
I dont think thats fair though.
how do we know where we end up?
Does it even really matter??
We all die eventually.
We are eternally asleep when
we die.
So, no, it doesnt really matter.
Our souls will go across the universe.
Nothing will be destroyed when i
Die.
I dont even believe many people will remember me at all.
So why does all this matter so much?
There have been things on my mind that i just cannot
stop thinking of.
And i dont think those things have answers or
explanations.
For some reason I feel I have to constantly punish myself for every mistake I make but am so unrelentingly harsh on myself everyone notices it, and sometimes ask why? I’ve always felt like I’m a total waste of space and often look at people around my age, 39, or younger who are successful and feel really threatened… and I think, what’s wrong with me? I mean I’m not exactly uneducated, unintelligent or untalented yet I feel like I’m such an utter loser and total failure in life I wanna hide forever. That I’m a fucked up, no hoping basket case! I used to have a […]
I feel alone…empty….like nothing matters anymore…maybe it doesn’t matter…..I’m tired…tired of life…tired of people…and their acting. Acting like they care….acting like they want to help when in truth the one they really care about is themselves. Im not stupid. I believe in the truth, because lies hurt. Don’t protect me from the truth with lies and lies. I know better. I’m not a play toy. I have feelings. Humans are liers and sinners. They are worthless. I’m worthless. Even I lie from time to time. It’s hard to tell the truth but I wish that someone could even if it hurt more than the lies. […]
I will not kill myself! i will not take your crap . you will no longer play mind games with my emotion. i dont care that your my father you can go to hell and burn. To ever bully that ever teased me… FUCK YOU. You know what you guys are? pussies! spineless maggots that fed off my need to be like everyone else. One time i would have gave in and died. but now if i ever see you again DAD i will sock you in the teeth until someone bleeds. and it wont be me. To the man that raped me as a […]
what should i post about? this is my first post. i’ve got a couple of saved drafts where i started writing about myself and my situation and things i have been going through but i’ve put them aside for now, probably won’t go back to them. Â i feel ok, almost good at the moment. whenever i read a post from people on this website where they talk about their immediate feelings without talking about whats going on with themselves in the big picture, without talking about the whys and whats and hows, i sometimes dont like it because i want to know about those very […]
i can’t seem to put into words exactly how i feel. I’m 26 and alone. Grade A (or F) loser. No car, job, friends. I have no drivers license. I’ve never had one. Had a girlfriend once. Only person I opened up to, but still withheld a lot. Wasn’t very ambitious in life. Don’t blame her for leaving me. Spent most of my life in a haze it seems. Ready to die may do it this weekend. Tried killing myself seven months ago by charcoal burning. Room got to hot and I blacked out woke up outside of hotel room. Felt stupid and even worse […]
I am writing this down for its (hopefully) therapeutic value. My hope is that upon reading this over I will realize the inherent ridiculousness of the position being advanced by this tract and be able to move on with my life. Here goes nothing.
I want nothing. I would rather not exist. I would rather never have existed, but since this is impossible, I wish to die. I do not want to hurt anyone through the cessation of my existence. I simply want to not exist. I have lived for 24 years and the only happiness I have ever felt has been fleeting and momentary. Would […]
Do You Love Me?
You’re nice and sweet
And pretty too,
But i need to know
What i have to do.
One day it’s yes,
The next it’s no,
Is it all
Just one big show?
I feel like a puppet
And you the puppet master,
Spinning me into another
New devastating disaster.
So just answer this
And all will be,
Better because
I’ll feel set free.
Do you or don’t you
Have feelings for me,
Because i did and do
And i still believe.
That there’s hope still alive
Hiding somewhere,
Deep inside of you
Yet you’re still unware.
Yes or No
Is all im asking for,
I don’t know why
But it’s time to open or shut this door.
Because the wait
Is killing me,
And […]
I’m starting to really think that it would just be so much better if I was gone. I don’t have anyone, really. I mean, I guess I might, but that’s not the point of anything. I don’t care that I have no friends. That has nothing to do with why I want to end my life. I don’t know what it is. I can’t seem to figure out what has caused all of this, it started a few years ago and I thought it had gone away. I did and I was happy. Actually god damn happy, or so I thought. But, now that I […]
if you have no one relying on you, then what’s so bad about killing yourself? I have family and friends, sure, but none of them needs me to live. I see friends every other week, try to see family less than that; I know I’m not necessary. I’m not necessary to any one other persons existence. People would be sad but so? Life is saddening.
No kids, no spouse or prospects of any kind, no pets, no car or mortgage and no hope.
If I continue living, I’ll just be seeking out ways to stay happy, like everybody else does. But nothing makes me happy, […]
Seriously, about anything and everything. Suicide related or not. I’ve actually had kind of a good day today… but now I’m really just crashing down into the dumps again (as per usualy, I suppose). I really just want to talk now. About myself or my own feelings orabout one of you and yours. Don’t care… just need a distraction.
I’m kind of new to this site, and not really sure if I can just start an open conversation like this… but… yeah… Just wanted to talk to someone.
Any takers?
~Ashley
Yesterday was Horrible! It marked an All Time Low for Me. I had never woke up and immediately wanted to die. I guess i didnt want to face reality yesterday. That was the 1st time that I actively reached out to someone for help. Its like I wanted to Kill myself but I kept finding reasons to live. From the time I woke up at 7am until around 11pm or midnight, I seriously battled those feelings. It was a Great fight, and the best thing is that I Won; I’m still here. To some, i just did the right thing,but they dont understand the chemical […]
Hey,
I do not know what to say really. I’ve been on the brink of suicide for quite a while I am very anxious so you may get confused while reading. I have been on this site since last year, and I am depressed. I have little energy to live. Now do me one favor. Please do not write comments such as “oh, everything will be better, just wait and see.” If you want to comment, please in form of advice, I am sick of sympathy. So I have lived in an Arab country my entire life. Everything started in kindergarten. I was in a German kindergarten, and I use to bully […]
a dark hole .. falling down ..
i miss the days ..she  was around..
shes still here but the feelings are gone..
a kind of love that didnt last long..
before had no reson no life to hold on..
i has torn apart at the very bottom..
scars that would never be forrgotton..
i hope you know you where my only reson..
my only hope .. only smile to beleve in
and even though.. its true you where taken ..
i hope you know you gave me heven…
your by best friend.. i know you care..
you numbed the pain i could not bare..
only you coud give me laughter..
and .. i know that where not right together..
but […]
I know its Hard for You to Understand,
Especially with this type of Emotion coming from a Man
But the Pain that I feel,
Deep Inside… is oh so Real
You rebuddle that the Decisions that I have Made, have put My Existence into a Shallow Grave
And that Deciding to Climb Out, is the Only way to Behave
But what You see as Weakness; I Embrace as Strength
A Strength that I Aspire to Muster;Â the Morning when My Body wont make Muster
See, what You see as an Act of Desperation; I view as an Act of Courage
A Rising Plant that grows, the More it is Nourished
What You see as a […]