I cant last much longer. theres nothing left. my heart isnt broken, it is completely destroyed. i feel nothing but pain, emotional pain. the physical pain, which mostly comes to me because i subject myself to it, i have come to enjoy. nobody cares about me. when will my life end? not soon enough. my life is like a nightmare which i never awake from. i look around. i see everybody laughing. happy, enjoying themselves. i envy their happiness. everyone is in a big group talking. i am the one on the outside. exiled. isolated. i have no friends. people i know, they consider me as their […]
Tag:
Feelings
It’s been a feeling I’ve had for a while now. I don’t know what to think of it, why it started, or when it will end, but It’s been going on for quite a while.
I hate my home life. I was adopted and don’t know my birth parents who still talk to my parents about me. I have an 18 year old sister who wants nothing to do with me, a dad who spends most of his time in his office at home or at work, and I have a bipolar mother who is mostly mad at the stupidest things. I do the best I […]
We are all here sitting & staring at the blue scree, while somewhere out there in this world…
by niki
written by niki
http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2008/09/most-alien-looking-place-on-earth.html
Maybe we all should just drop everything, and go there,
to really truly experience LIFE again..
to feel and realize and be inspired,
knowing that perhaps, this earthly-life is worth to be lived with our every breath
only if we flee ourselves from our prison-wall, whatever that is..
I need a list of ways to kill myself. Please give me details.
Here’s a short bio:
I’ve been depressed since I was about 12. I’m 19 now. I tried killing myself when I was 17. I took an overdose of Lexapro and antihistamines. I probably took about 90 pills in all but I did not die (obviously). I spent about a week at the hospital. They changed my meds and released me more messed up than I was before. Since then I’ve still thought about trying to kill myself again. I still want to go with pills but just in case I need alternatives. Please give […]
This might proves to be very interesting (and mind-opening) to watch for 10 minutes,
perhaps it’s heavily related with how almost everyone here often feels.
it’s time to re-think our ‘old’ notions about survival and living.
getting more interesting..
So you really want a f’in meaningful Change?
Not to be another walking zombie, just merely ‘existing’ & ‘surviving’ in this pathetic, rotten world right?
trust me, I can feel and relate totally with you..
Well,..here’s a BIG idea that might make you think & ponder a bit tonight (An idea is always better than nothing right?) :
what if I tell that it’s not our world that sucks
(eg: our Planet Earth, nature, animals, beauty of Nature, etc),..heck, it’s not even ALL humanity that sucks (eg: ALL humans & people you’ve met & encountered. ALL of ’em).
No.
It’s the System, the FEW Powers-that-be that CONTROLS the System,
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead.
What happened in Egypt is the real, solid proof of this quote.
No one before probably could predict nor expect that this kind of huge thing could ever happen, even in year 2011,.but it DO…ES and CAN happen!
Hope is not all lost.
Zeitgeist: Moving Forward. might be the CORE solution to ALL humanity/society’s shitty problems!
by niki
written by niki
Watch it.
Join it, and spread it, if you think it’s really damn *worth* it.
It really opened my eyes for me personally, and I’ve joined the local movement here in my home country.
Surprisingly, this is a global movement! and I’m very sure it’s going to grow & grow even more.
Because it’s hell much BETTER than our current sick, corrupt, and obnoxious ‘System’ and ‘society’ we’re currently having all around the world!
“(Never underestimate the importance of an idea). An idea is like a virus. Resilient, highly contagious. The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define, or […]
What’s so interesting about being normal? and why most people stick with it?
by niki
written by niki
The more I stroll the street or malls at night, seeing all the humans and couples and happy and dull faces of them,
the more I feel so distanced and separated..
Men in suits always looking oh so professional, with their seemingly chic I-Phones or Blackberry on their ears,
Women often with glamorous necklace, and latest/newest brand of bag,
Ads blaring everywhere you see, hear, and even approached by so-called “Sales girls”,
discount here, buy this, buy that, discount there,
You come out from movie theaters watching perhaps most fantastical & hypnotizing movies/films,
that you even freezes out and don’t feel like you want to get […]
Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
~ 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
I feel so alone…again.
Maybe this so-called Real world is just not for me, or ‘weird’ people like me…
Here’s why:
– I can’t relate to 80% of people (society) around me everyday, in that they’re actually enthusiastically talk only about money, how to get more money, and how to spend more in luxurious things.
– Music has always been my utmost passion & dreams that I intend to pursue it (so much that I in fact just decided to quit on my 7-years dull furniture-factory family-business job, a decision which shocks everyone in my big Asian Chinese family), but lately after hearing my friends’ talks, and […]
[Natalie] Anything you wish to say at this very special moment?
LIAR. FAILURE. FAT. WHORE. USELESS DROPOUT SHIT. TOXIC PREGNANT CUTSLUT. JERKOUT TRUCK WOMAN WITH A MANUFACTURED EGO. HOPELESS AT LOVE. WORSE AT LIFE. MENTAL WASTEOUT COCKEATER. DETATCHED MUTE GIRL. SEMI AWAKE REJECT. RSA ENCODED GOVERNMENT SECRET. NAUGHTY NAUGHTY FINGER FUCKIN HORNY LITTLE NAUGHTY PANTY CAM GIRL.
[bleach the girl][a bleach bottle on an empty cabinet]
[comatose[corrode[Clorox[low
Imgonnatearyouapart[imintearsasireadthis]
peroxide. mechanical surveillance culture. misery butterfly. studio meds.
i think youre conceited[and i dont believe you do care]
next to you [they [sic] love you] in the mirror
in the bar. then outside. i fell into the trap. i am a child in playboy bunny […]
Im a 13 year girl. I live in Puerto Rico. I go to school. My Family: Mom, Dad, Brother(older)and my grandparents(divorced)ect… My Mission is helping other that have been through the same pain, anger, hatred, and sadness which that cause Depression or Suicide Attempts. The most important thing is to reach them out and say ”Never Give Up” because you are not alone, If you need someone to talk to, to hear you, I’ll be here. Remember ”Never Give Up”
It’s funny that despite of all shitty earthly Life’s struggles, observing of how humans still always trying their best to uplift their short life’s moods and atmosphere surrounding the Christmas season and celebrating upcoming new year in their life.
It’s funny of how despite all the damn shitty Life struggles, humans still try to gather around together with their family, or friends,…..even here online in this blue site, everyone is still communicating with each other. It might even means a lot, even though it’s just a very simple, small thing (just like the wise saying: “Life’s happiness & worth often can be found in the very […]
Hello,
Im a 23 year old male from the UK.
My life is pointless and I have never been happy.
I have sufferd from depression and other mental health issues for years. Ive been on so many different types of medication for my mental health problems. I am currently taking Venlafaxine.
I have a very poor education and I have no job.
I was very violent in my early teens, I was permanently excluded from school at the age of 13, then I was sent to a pupil referral unit along with other misbehaved kids.
I was addicted to amphetamine when I was 13 up untill I was 16, I also smoked cannabis heavily at that age. Then I stopped using them and […]
I’m not feeling good recently.. please allow me to share my current situation for you to read:
I feel like a failure, confused, and that nothing I’m doing is ever good (especially to my parents’ eyes).
What will you do in that situation?
especially when I’m 28 yrs old, and I’m still living with my parents, now still jobless (funnily because of my own stubborn idealism of getting out from the 7-years work you hate), still single (where you’re traditionally expected to already got married at 26, and now already have a baby), and constantly getting nagged and asked and even […]
…knowing that this so-called Real Life/world can never match up your super uber vivid imaginations, fantasy, dreams at night, and also your feelings.
To put it bluntly in other words, this so-called “Real Life/world” sometimes (or often?) doesn’t seem to allow much creativity, imaginations, and high-sensitive feelings.
It can in fact only requires you to be the aggressive, smooth-talking, and most importantly business/money/profit-driven or oriented.
So for the creative or ‘feeling’ type of persons/individuals, it can really seem like a hell lot of dull, bland, boring, “same ol’ same ol” stuff keep REPEATING from a day to another day, which can really at most extreme drives […]
So, what is this Life really all about (a new perspective that might *helps*)
by niki
written by niki
So by now, I’m sure many (if not all) of you must have been wondering: with all these shits and fuck-ups happening in my life, what is then really the Purpose of my Life?? And I mean, fuck, what is Life really all about??
(it’s funny, strange, and yet still an unexplored *mystery* in itself of why we humans can at one point always seem to ask about this ‘big’ question, especially when we’re in our lowest point in Life. It makes you think & ponder deeply, despite that “Life goes on”).
How about this: Life on this Planet (& Universe, for that matter) is only […]
Kill me.
Kill me now, cut deep into my veins and bleed me until there’s nothing left
Nothing of me in this world
This wretched, hard, horrid place
Moving from mishap to mishap
never stopping
never breaking the cycle
I must get free of this cycle
The cycle bound by the chains of mortality
The only way to get out
to break free of my mortality
but the reason to get out?
to make life better.
STOP!
what is this?
this world? full of paradox and irony
the universe seems to cackle at every one of the informed
bringing them down further and further
there […]
Almost everyone on this site is experiencing, has experienced or eventually will experience this.
Our feelings are not as black and white anymore, they’re not strong or weak to the external stimuli imbued upon our senses; really it’s just a numbness, extirpating mental perturbation but concomitantly attenuating sensibility and emotions. It all produces either a state of equanimity or mental chaos, depending on your level of introspection…
Basically, our feelings aren’t as simple as they used to be. There used to be a rational support behind our behaviors and emotions; now there isn’t. It’s all a mess, and we feel numb to the outside world. […]