I feel so alone…again.
Maybe this so-called Real world is just not for me, or ‘weird’ people like me…
– I can’t relate to 80% of people (society) around me everyday, in that they’re actually enthusiastically talk only about money, how to get more money, and how to spend more in luxurious things.
– Music has always been my utmost passion & dreams that I intend to pursue it (so much that I in fact just decided to quit on my 7-years dull furniture-factory family-business job, a decision which shocks everyone in my big Asian Chinese family), but lately after hearing my friends’ talks, and knowing the INSIDE of so-called “Music Industry” and HOW it works,…now I’m starting to even loathe it, despise it, and sadly, feels like I’m just not ‘cut it’ with all the competitions, jostling others down, marketing tricks, “[I]being smart[/I]”, and race-to-the-top.
– I am now stuck in a business-and-profit-oriented-society, while I’m caring more about preserving natural environment, helping other poor people SO many in my country,
– YET, I feel that even when I help like 10, or 100 poor people,…then what’s the point?? these poor people will continue to EXIST one way or another! from their births, hindrances from the corrupt Power-That-Be… I don’t think my efforts will matter or count BIG times
– therefore, at age 28 now, and still feeling CONFUSED as what to do (and no job at the moment), I feel like a loser/failure, depressed, and at times even suicidal.
– plus that I’m a very-imaginative, creative kind of person…and I often find this so-called Real world dull and boring (compared to my dream-world & damn vivid fantasies & imaginations)..but also maybe largely due to I haven’t found somewhere I belong (like Linkin Park’s infamous song),
– but I simply don’t know HOW or WHERE to find somewhere I belong..Â mostly perhaps also due to I’m afraid of what my father will say, or scorn me,…which is pathetic,..but I am not that ‘rebellious’ unfortunately, and I hate it, it makes me become so indecisive in front of him.
– while I just want to break away from everything. sometimes (or often) I’m just tired living this life. and also, feeling alone, and NOBODY (friends, family, etc) really understand me well,…other than the online depression and suicidal people/forum, ironically.
How many feel like I do?