Love (everybody needs it)

Towards the end of 2009, I quoted 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to a friend who was very distressed by an investigation for possible fraud. She felt that the company was unfairly witch-hunting her for a careless mistake in failing to disclose beforehand that she knows the vendor on friendly terms — instead of appreciating her contributions & her attempt to save money for the company by getting the best price in the market.

Eventually she was absolved of wilful wrongdoing & the incident was not mentioned in her records — to her great relief, since she is an established senior engineer in the field. In fact she was so relieved that she called me in the middle of the day while she was driving to tell me the good news — she has never bothered to call me before, as she is rather miserly & would rather not waste mobile call charges unnecessarily.

The above-mentioned “friend” & I have since left the said company last year. She left because she has a better place to go to, where she is much better-paid. I left not because I have anywhere to go to, but because I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t stay (despite already hanging on for >4.5 years, despite being told that I do excellent work), because I am merely a disposable worker in my boss’ eyes. Even though I am the only younger-generation personnel to have stayed on throughout the high staff-turnover (>20 staff left in 4 years), she does not even care to stand up for me when a newly-transferred & notorious villain-supervisor makes it impossible to work. In the end, when I voiced out my concerns about the unproductive status quo, I am condescendingly judged as deficient & not worth keeping. I finally left because my heart is broken.

The “friend” who I dearly love is now in greener pastures, & her circle is complete. But despite my unwavering support of her during her difficult tearful periods of spousal separation & then the above-mentioned investigation within the same year, & despite my being always there for her when she needs social company (at odd hours), her darker side of regular denigration, disrespect & constantly hurting me with belittling remarks eventually sounded the death knell to our acquaintance. On New Year’s Eve, I sadly told her not to contact me again — because my shattered heart is being broken even more.

Love is kind, love is patient, love always protects. But not everyone is able or willing to give love. But it’s ok — I know I have tried my best & done much more than my share. Despite very difficult life circumstances for the past 35 years & ongoing, I have given my love unconditionally. And to all whom I have loved, I wish you happiness always — even though you never thought I am worth being included within your circle of joy.