I’m not the person I once was…I’m not the person I had hoped to be..
My mornings are filled with sadness and fear and tears.. every morning when I drive to work, I get the same choked feeling, only now it starts before I leave the house..
My life is empty.. it’s bitter and it’s hopeless.. I’m not the hero I’ve tried so hard to be, in fact now I’m even less than nothing..
I’ve closed off from people in my life.. when I would do anything for some attention then, now I just sit by myself and cry..
I cant eat.. I’m afraid to […]
Tag:
fighting
I really need someone to listen to my story and my feelings. I am in a position where I can really get the help I need and don’t really have anyone to talk to. Even if I did, there are some things I can’t really tell them.
This is really long, but it would really save me if someone can read it and respond…and maybe talk to me.
So, I am just going to pour out my feelings here. A lot of what I write will be vague, because I can’t divulge my identity (I’ll explain why later.)
Recently I’ve felt very suicidal for a lot of reasons. […]
Hello friends 🙂
So things have gone up and down repeatedly in the past week. I was contemplating ending my life last Thursday. And I obviously didn’t– I was in a bit of a depressed daze, I guess. But I decided to give my “new life” a go. Recently I put in a shit load of effort and got a really fantastic job in the city, a job a lot of people would kill for. I’ve been so busy with that lately. Seems like things should be great for me. And I guess they are. Only I’m now more seriously suicidal than I’ve ever been. Why? Who […]
I just don’t know anymore I’m lost and beaten down I’m tired off fighting this it never gets better and if it doses it’s sort lived. I want to live in my dreams I don’t want to wake-up and face another day.
Wednesday – my official day off. My daughter works at the same office so I dragged myself out of bed and drove her to work. I would usually stop for a bite to eat on the way home but I’ve felt like puking for three days so I just went home, back to bed and waited for the sun to make my room too hot to tolerate again.
I ran out of pain meds days early so the “rationing” has me fighting withdrawal again. I don’t see the quacktitioner until Friday and the HMO I have wants all their patients off pain meds so thy don’t […]
Hi again all you humans. Its been awil since I last posted. But today I randomly felt like I should… well what ive decided on saying is this… this is my messege of hope to every one out there. Don give up. Sometimes things might take awil to get better or change. They might never change. But we have to keep fighting. Oblivion is inevitable people. Early or late it happens… we cant change that… there are many reasons a person could feel these ways. We feel… lose of a loved one. Child hood abuse. bullies. Hating yourself. Negetivity. Etc. Milions of reasons. I might […]
I found it so hard to get out if bed this morning. I used to consider myself a Christian. So I prayed last night. Because I feel like I am fighting myself. Too many times I am fighting the urge to cut again or to pop pills. I feel like if anyone can help, the big man upstairs can because if he doesn’t I won’t be here much longer. I am constantly trying to stay strong, but I am not sure how long I can hang on. Honestly, any night could be the night.
“You’re only 22, suicide is not the answer. Tons of life left ahead.”
Its easy for someone to say when they can’t fully understand what your going through, how you feel, or how you think. The suffering that goes on inside consistently. Its easy for people to say that suicide is the easy and selfish way out when they just don’t understand. Does it hurt to think about how much you would be putting your friends and family through when you decide to end your own life? Of course, but they can never truly get the pain and suffering that goes on internally.
I’m fortunate enough to […]
First, I’d like to say that I’ve never used a website like this before. I’m sort of nervous about posting this, even though that sounds kind of ridiculous. Recent events have led me here.
I’m going to say as much as I can without saying too much.
Basically, I’m fourteen, I’m a freshman in high school, and I’ve been suicidal since the sixth grade. I’ve attempted suicide three times and I’ve been self-harming since I was ten. I’ve been hospitalized more times than I can count on one hand and I’ve been through inpatient care once. Along with that, I go to therapy, I see a psychiatrist, and […]
One of my old mates that I have been fighting with came around to my house tonight and asked if I wanted to go hunting so I said yes and we went and killed some pigs and stuff with the dogs I had heaps of fun but my legs are sore because we have been running up hills all night it is 4:24am atm I’m so tired time for bed I think goodnight everybody.
In Australia hunting is a big thing and I have been brought up doing it my whole life so it’s kinda like my get away from sitting at home being sad 24-7
I’ve always wondered why during my darkest times can I never pick up the phone and call a friend? Is it pride? lack of will? or just plain embarrassment?
I don’t know why the days that I need someone’s help are the days I just wanna lock myself in the room and be alone. It just seems so counterintuitive and yet I do it over and over again.
Why is it that we prefer to suffer alone? Is it just me?
Why is it so scary to admit that you are sad? Sometimes I almost avoid ppl just so they won’t notice how depressed I […]
I saw an updated photo of my ex. I kind of miss him. I wish things were like they were before – when we actually got along. When we weren’t at each others throats. I loved him, and while seeing that picture of him today, I realized I still do. It makes me regret what I said about his mother that much more. I didn’t mean it, but it was still a low blow. He was mad at me at the time – we were fighting about something, and he said something that had offended me. I don’t remember what it was, it must have […]
Happiness has long eluded me. I lost the sensation of warmth in my soul. I cannot feel anymore. I miss feeling worthy. I miss the gentle touch of another humans embrace.
The only time where I can remember being truly happy was during my deployment to Dubai. I got to meet soldiers from other countries, and I was away from Australia that holds a lot of painful memories. I found a picture in the ARA newspaper today and it brought a smile to my face – it had been taken early march when I did a speech for International Women’s Day. Major General Omar showed his […]
So I’m 19…and supposedly a girl who has the world going for me. I’m “pretty” and smart and everyone loves me.
So they tell me. When I was 11, my mom abandoned me to a city who devoured me like the storm devours ships. I was gangraped nightly, used, abused, beaten…..starved, and tied to a bed for days at a time.
I’ve suffered losing everyone close to me, either being left or God takes them from me.
I found a guy that loved me for everything I was….and man I feel hard. And I was doing okay….until May 2nd, 2014 when I lost my daughter, Dylan Michelle…at 6:30 […]
So… I really don’t know where to start or what I’m even meant to say… My head is so full of racing thoughts that I can’t even work out what the thoughts are, they’re just a complete mess. I don’t want this anymore, I don’t want to live like this. I’ve tried so hard to beat it but I can’t fight anymore, I’m pretty sure fighting with your own mind is impossible anyway? I feel like there’s nothing left to do… I just desperately need to end this, I need to hurry up and do it. I just wish that this guilt wouldn’t stop me/ […]
I feel like I’m fighting for my life
And no one knows the depth of my despair
Too busy
Too uninterested
Too annoyed
Too…everything
I am a burden
A blight on a perfect life
Acknowledging me means they care
Caring means taking action
Neither are appealing to them
So it’s best to ignore it
Hope I’ll go away
It’s easier for them that way.
Okay so, I’m here to tell people how horrible my life is and what it feels like to be living in hell.
*WARNING I MIGHT USE SWEAR WORDS
Now let us get to the main point, I’m a middle schooler. (I’m not telling any other info about me)
I’ll put the conclusions first.
I WANT TO DIE.
We got that out of the way now, let’s get to the main main point.
It probably started like 5 years ago? Maybe 3.
I don’t clearly remember what happend and what started it but it did. My mom has mental problems.
She thinks that she’s being “stalked” and her phone/computer being […]
Listening to some Eddie Boyd, Lafayette Thomas and Curtis Jones, some seriously cool R&B. I have a TBI that gives me headaches, Post Traumatic Headache Syndrome is what the Doctors call it. Chronic pain. I’m also a Soldier, or I was until 6 weeks ago. 20 + years down the drain.
I usually have headaches (HA) day in and day out. And they’re never the same. It’s next to impossible to find a job and make the money I’d like to earn. My HA makes my memory cells short circuit or something. I did an interview for a job I knew like the back of my […]
You know how sometime you wake up thinking for once it might actually be a decent day maybe even a good day. You have that unusual glimmer of hope. I got about 30 seconds of that. Most of my friends would say “its no big deal. So what your mom and her boyfriend got in a fight.” Back when i was little my parents fought all the time you’d think i’d be used to it. Especially the way my dad was. Strong with an uncontrollable temper and a jealous mind. In all honest that just makes it all worse. I wasn’t exactly “planned.” Im the […]
I am incredibly suicidal and am ready to end my life with an impulsive moment…. but I find myself commenting on other people’s posts about not giving up and to keep fighting. Am I a hypocrite? Perhaps I am so conditioned to think that my life is not worth anything but other’s lives are worth the effort.