I’m so lonely and confused about where to go from here. I had started chanting (Nam myoho renge kyo) and although I can’t stick to routines, it really cured me of feeling suicidal and I don’t have that drive anymore. But I don’t know what to do. My life is so empty without my best friend around. I love him more than anything in the universe, more than words could ever express, and he doesn’t feel it because a) I’m fat, b) I’m an introvert, and c) I’ve been living as a guy. I told him that being fat is really an advantage in that […]
I’ve been through it all.. it started when I started high school to when I lost my first boyfriend. I tried overdosing on Pain Killers nothing happened… nothing ever happens. I try to hang myself.. over 10 times and it always end up to me taking it off my neck and being weak about it. Because in all reality who really wants to die right? We just want the pain to end. But it doesn’t last. But Lately I’ve been letting this whole suicide thing get to me. I’m literally thinking about doing it tomorrow and succeeding. I don’t know what else to do. This […]
You know, i have history of anxiety and depression. The first attack of depression came when i was in my under grad school. It was all boys. Some of the boys were kind to me but majority of them were bullies. I had a huge body structure so not much people tried to pick fight with me but some of them did and when they found out that instead of fighting them back, I instead tried to run away; they found a sport in bullying me.
One day, i was going back home on foot, i saw a tree which was naturally cut towards inside from […]
Addendum of Shone Lexter
“Angela cried again. The beads of tears flowing down her cheeks. She didn’t let out a single sound. Her tears, I dislike the most. Then all over again, I found my reason to live. I found a reason to fight. I’ll have to learn to let go of everything else and just focus on Angela. I need to make that sad soul happy… To bring laughter to her lips… To give her strength in every breath she takes. I have to stop being selfless. I need to start fighting for my priority, and not let even time and space stop me… No […]
in honour of World Suicide Prevention day last week, I just wanted to share a success story; my story.
1 year ago on June 15, 2014; this was me.
and 461 days later I am still here ??
the bravest thing I’ve done thus far in my life was choosing to stay. to stay, and to keep fighting! life is messy, and it is damn hard, but you know what I also found out a rather hard way? it is REALLY worth it. […]
Who here has social anxiety that extends to the internet? It’s a lot easier to share my thoughts online, and it doesn’t bother me who reads, but talking to people directly via comments sends me into a state of panic. Even positives comments leave me flustered to the point that I have to close my browser and go do something else for a little while. Here, making comments on news stories, youtube videos; all so nerve wracking.
I figure that most people are their bodies, or have convinced themselves that they are their bodies, but I’ve convinced myself that I’m inside my body controlling it. All […]
It’s not the thoughts of suicide that are getting stronger. Not that. But my ability to stay safe that is getting weaker. No proper sleep for months, no proper food for weeks, random and variable support in fighting this landlady who is evicting me. We are to be homeless again, and I am getting weaker and weaker, trying to fight it. Running out of hope. Running out of options. As winter approaches fast, we are faced with sleeping in the car, again. In this life 21st century life, you have to have money to get folk to listen and support. Solicitors, surveyors, anyone. They all […]
Does nature or God take us when we’re finally ready to go. At the point when we’ve learned everything we’ve needed to learn for this lifetime or we’ve finished all of the projects that will have made our life impactful on the world. My grandfather died shortly after being placed in a nursing home after bemoaning the prospect his entire life and fighting feverishly against it towards the end. Right now I am going through a burst of anorexia (not to be confused with anorexia nervosa which is not eating because you fear putting on weight) which means that I have lost much of my […]
I stand alone in a world filled with nothing but hate.
i stand alone with my tears falling to the floor.
All i want is for someone to hear my cries and to go to a place filled with nothing but warmth this is my only wish.
I know I am nothing more then an empty hollow shell my soul is gone my heart is numb and I am invisible to the world.
I stand alone crying in a quiet place hopeing some one hears me.
I want to live but I am tired of fighting this world on my own.
I known that if I kill myself I […]
My heart is an autoclavethey say alcaholics, are always alcoholics, even if they’ve been as dry as my lips, for years we have incongruent morals, we suffer at the hand of hope, we try so hard, and now trying has become synonymous with failing I feel like I mite never know the other side of madness ever again…I feel like I;m ed Norton from fight club n I just keep missing myself I am my own eternal hair shirt I am raidohead’s exit music and we don’t wanna die, but we don’t wanna keep fighting, we are tired, we embrace our unconditional humanity and we reach, we […]
I feel like the only time I can be myself is when I comment on watpad and even then I feel like I’m not really wanted I’m like the 3rd wheel just like with my family never really wanted just delt with. I just someone to fight for me but
am I worth fighting for ?
Im 23 and im tired of fighting this battle. I can no longer fill my head with the idea that it will get better. Im struggling everyday fighting back the tears. I seeked helped taken meds and yet i still feel like im living in hell. I think i will be done soon or hope i have the strength to end it. I feel bad for the ones i leave behind but enough is enough. My heart just wasnt made for this world. Its terrible we are put through this mental agony. I feel for everybody out there dealing with demons.
Round and round it goes in my head. Can’t kill myself. Can’t do that to my family. I owe them everything, and it would destroy them.
But can’t go on living with this overwhelming sadness. Can’t keep going through the motions. Can’t keep pretending I have a life. Can’t stand this longing anymore. Can’t go on being alone, but can never feel any real connection with anyone. Can’t keep hating myself, but can’t be anything better, no mattter how hard I try. Can’t keep fighting a battle I’m never going to win. Can’t bear to be the one who everyone pities anymore, a worthless loser. Can’t […]
Suicide
it seems so easy
no more pain
just one little step
and your life becomes in vain
it’s just so tempting
no more sarrow
a couple of pils
and no tomorrow
it seems about right
no more suffering
just one little cut
and no more fighting
its just so soothing
no more contest
just one quick shot
and your finally at rest
just jump off the bridge
across the river of life
lights out forever blind
but what of the hurt
of those you leave behind
For as long as I can remember I have had to deal with the vindictive game my mom likes to play, I’m not talking about the casual fighting, I’m talking about an actual goal to ruin my dad, my brother and my life. It’s countless years of verbal abuse even though I have tried so hard to be a good student and kid. I clean the house constantly, cook for my family, have a job and maintain a 4.0 average, I do this all to alleviate the amount of stress my mom already puts on my dad. I am now a senior in high school, […]
I can’t do this anymore. There’s no point in living if you don’t feel alive. For as long as I can remember I’ve been fighting depression and struggling with poverty and I just don’t care anymore. I’ve had nothing but horrible, humiliating, miserable life experiences. My biological family is beyond dis functional. I don’t really have friends just acquaintances. The only man I love hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I went to college and still can’t get a decent job. My best friend in college died. I have Major Depression, PTSD, and Agoraphobia. I am physically repulsive and it would take […]
i drove up to okc because my step mother and dad are getting married and brittany’s (step mom) dad offered to give her 2 grand for a dress. we found a dress after playing cat and mice with her dad for the money. we couldnt pay for the dress becase her father lied about giving her money he offered. brittany works hard for everything she has never asked her father for shit and always looked after him. we stoped at 7-eleven and her father pulled up drinking and driving gonna get a DUI. my step sister is making a scene about it almost fighting him. […]
It does not matter…
… What i say
… What i do
… How hard i try
… How much i beg
I cant change a person.
We are who we want to be.
I cant live like this anymore…
I dont want to live like this anymore.
Im not crazy…
Im just really tired of hurting…
Im just really tired of fighting for nothing.
I’m a failure. There are so many things happening right now. My mother works so hard to put food on the table while fighting depression and a damn father who doesn’t give any money to help. And even with all this situation, I don’t know if I’ll be able to graduate because I’m so fucking stupid and lazy and weak. I’m just so fucking tired all the time and my cousin will get into a great college because she is working so hard and I’m just a damn lazy ass. I don’t study or really work for anything and I’m so tired of being a […]
my life matters. to my girlfriend and her son anyway. i am fighting for them. also, im scared of death. doctors might be able to help me one day. i will keep looking for a job, and not end it all just yet. maybe never.