I’m planning on leaving the 31st. The fact is that I don’t think I can even last that long. All I know is that I will not live to see another year without my friends and family that are already gone. This will probably be the last thing I write here. I’m just going to shoot myself in the head and I’ll finally be free from all of the bullshit.
Tag:
finally
I just want to run away and leave everything behind, everything is all so boring here and I’m wasting me life here.
I’m only 15 so I have to wait like three years and then I can finally leave this place.
In the vastness of space, lies a lonely planet just waiting to be explored. A dark blue world where the depths of the sea are limitless and there is no dry land in sight. Swimming eternally alone, breaching the surface to gaze upon the pitch black sky littered with glistening stars in the night. Plunging back into this sea of light only to find indigenous creatures comforting me; I am not so different and not so alone. While I sink further and further into the void below, I am finally free and at peace with myself.
I know there’s nothing you can do, but I can’t be left alone, my mind is set on self distruct  and I’m slowly hindering my body, constant hope constant fall when will she learn, never I supose, will there be an end were I just give up and surrender, or let go of my controls cause I always black out I always choose the wrong answer I just want to know I just want to belive in myself. Today I already made a mistake but I’ll try again. Hopefully this try will finally be Ill do.
No one knows how much I’m suffering . And the ones who do tell me I’m too much. So what do I do?
I’ve been going about every day all by my self . And I am alone . All my thoughts get to me . Some days I stand outside and notice how beautiful it is and feel the warm sun and close my eyes and i somehow feel content in that moment , being by my self .
Whenever I’m going to hangout with someone , they end up making excuses to why they can’t hangout. I wish people would straight up tell me they […]
It hurts. It really does.
It’s becoming harder and harder to stick to the plan. But I know I have to. I also know that I need help. I need some attention. I need them to realise that I’m suffering.
I can’t fake it anymore. I can’t hide what I’m feeling anymore. I need someone to notice.
I’m not good at talking and letting out what I feel. I just freeze whenever I have to divulge my feelings.
It fucking hurts. They just will never understand.
I know what I’ve been thinking is wrong. I’m contemplating an attempt in the next few days, or tonight […]
Someone help me. Even if it is just to talk. I’m suffering.
I can’t contain my demons anymore.
You did this.
You made me do this.
It was always there.
Lurking in the shadows.
I kept my demons at bay.
I always managed to hide them behind my wonderful smile. My… Laughter…
You did this.
You broke me.
You pushed me to the very edge.
I’m there.
So take it. It’s exactly what you deserve.
Don’t apologize.
I don’t want to hear you say, “Ek is jammer.”
For what I am going to do to you
For the pain I will inflict on you
Just know, “Ek is nie jammer.”
I […]
I don’t even recognize the people on this forum anymore, where did everyone go? Did they get better and move along? Did they finally just bite the bullet. I need to talk to someone..
So, I thought I should give an update on the ‘Jehova’s Witness’ who are trying to kill me.
The year is coming to an end and the court date is drawing near. You know what that means? More threats. They want me dead as in yesterday.
Well… Whatever… A part of me doesn’t give a shit anymore.
Anyway, the harassment and threats have escalated. Since they can’t do it themselves, they have their relatives and church members do the dirty work for them. I’m in hell.
Remember I mentioned that 2 guys were shot dead a few weeks back? Well, it turns out those 2 guys were among the […]
That’s how it goes. I’m not looking for sympathy or empathy or anything really, just felt like finally posting something after being registered for such a long while and not doing anything with it.
My stories the same as most, severe depression since I was young, when my mom got injured at work and I basically lost her, at least in my mind how it felt. She was a single mom so with no one else there to help us, it was up to me to take care of everything. That wasn’t so bad really, I liked the responsibility.
Fast forward a few years, I’m 12 or […]
New years about a month away.
Somehow i want this year to finish yet i dont want 2016 to start.
Cus nothings gonna change, people always say stupid fucking shit like, new years resolution and turn over a new leaf.
But the truth is we will all be the same.
The people better than me(almost everyone i know) will keep getting better and ill still be stuck in the same old shit.
And ofc, she still wont know i love her and will continue to ignore my existence.
My acedamics will keep on falling till they hit the ned rock.
And finally, i will keep […]
I had a plan. But things keep moving from bad to worse and worse and fucking horrible.
It was going to be wonderful. Poetic in a way. Peaceful. Painless. Less traumatizing for whoever will find me. But fuck that. Tonight, Im taking a rope to a tree I usually run off to when my parents are at each other’s throats. I always find peace there. Now it’ll be forever peaceful, finally.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Apparently I was already a member here, but I don’t remember joining. But I’m glad I re-found this site. I need a non-judgemental place to talk. I’ll try to keep it short. 😛
I’ve been severely depressed and suicidal for over 19 years now. I’ve had some periods of “ok-ness”, but nothing too exciting. Pretty much tried all the meds/med combos/ketamine infusion/ECT/different therapies/hospitalizations/residentials/etc. Had some random, minor attempts. And here I am today, still depressed as hell & just wanting to end it all.
My nephew killed himself almost 2 years ago. It was extremely heartbreaking and I’m still not even close to being over it. If […]
I have been on this site for a very long time, decided I might finally post something. I guess just to say hi
I am theloser102. The one and only loser in my sovereign city.
On November 21st, 2015 at 11:00 PM at night, I decided it would the perfect time for me to finally find peace. I went to the area with lots of trees near my house and used a rope I bought. For the sake of following the rules, I’ll leave it at that. The aftermath however……
My suicide did not work, even after three tries. The only damage that was done was a few rope burns on my neck and a little bleeding, I couldn’t believe it. I ensured everything was well tight and was highly […]
Is this really what my life has come to I am finally with the women of my dreams I love her from the bottom of my heart she is a single mother of one that struggles from  schizophrenia I work 2 jobs 70+ hours to provide for them because they are my everything I have been with her for a little over a year and everything is falling apart she has had legal trouble in the past and its starting to catch up with her she recently got caught driving without a lisence for the 4th time and the public defender says she will […]
Hello everyone,
New member here, after roughly 1 year of anonymously lingering around this site, I’ve decided that I should finally register, and here I am a registered member of this awesome site. So yeah, enjoy my company and I hope to get to know everyone well  and that we may also exchange our suicidal stories. haha 🙂
I’ve been here before.
Broken, Â alone, Â my heart so sore.
The sadness runs deep
My hill to steep.
My dreams a rumbling nightmare.
And All I can wonder is,
Why should I care.
I’m not in despair.
I just can’t figure out,
If this is fair.
They claim they’re is karma.
The good and the bad.
I should be glad.
You know?
I’ve done many good deeds.
And I should be freed.
Yet, here I am
Sitting in the dark.
Waiting for just a little spark.
A spark of good in life.
Can’t I give up?
This losing fight.
I’m tired of waiting for my light.
I want to sleep.
My last words to be goodnight.
But then I’d be a disappointment.
Like they all claim me to be.
I’m living in […]
I know Salt posted a little while ago, and it seemed he was on his way over to the other side. I’m just curious, has anyone who speaks to him more often than I (which is pretty much never), heard anything? I’ve always gained inspiration from him, through my different alias here, and the world have lost a brilliant soul. He was a great man, and if he did finish the journey, I hope he is finally at peace. Thanks guys.