I always have my mind on this same wish. If only it can be true… My wish? I want to go back in time and tell my self “Don’t fucking do that! DO NOT FUCKING DO THAT! You will fuck up everything and dwell in sadness and regret if you do that!”
People can be narrowed into three simple categories just by watching the way they act and the things they do.
Category 1. The people who care, even if it’s not genuine concern these people still show some level of empathy for those around them.
Category 2. People who destroy, these people carelessly flit through their lives and the lives of everyone around them heedless of the consequences of their actions.
Category 3. The people who constantly fuck up despite whoever effort they put forth, these people try to be good friends, or try to be careless, but the continually feel like failures, like nothing they […]
Hello. I’m 23, a college student, and was just diagnosed back in September with an anxiety disorder and depression.
I don’t know who to blame. Or didn’t for a long time. I’ve dealt with what I suppose is considered self loathing since I was eight years old, and always assumed this was just a result of causality. I didn’t have many friends, my grades were shit, I often felt angry and isolated from people around me. I assumed that I hated myself for these reasons- because I was somebody worth hating. Because if I were somebody else, I’d probably hate me still. Now I don’t know.
I […]
….the end. Hopefully soon.
cut myself for the first time in 4 years yesterday.Spend most days drunk on alcohol/valium or both yet still going to work but it’s getting harder. The fact I get a train doesn’t help, it would be easy to jump in front of one cause I get plenty of option to but hey, I don’t wanna fuck up their lives by hitting me.
wanting to throw myself downstairs daily is so frustrating, other people seem to be happy! What the fuck is that?
Im glad they are but i’m just wondering how that feels!
I wanted a gun, but in the UK it’s pretty difficult. […]
I’ve tried to not give up and started living again, but I come back to my dark side. Fuck this, fuck all of this, it’s not gonna get better, no signs of improvement are showing. I’m destined to be alone and a failure, everybody ignores or leaves me and I’m gonna be a fuck up, I have no hopes, no dreams,they all died along time ago, why am I even pushing further, when I don’t have the will or effort to even do it. Enough is enough, I’m gonna kill myself.
Why can’t i be like all the other girls? Why do i have to try to be perfect when everyone else is? What’s wrong with me? Was I a fuck up, an accident? Why am I even here?
I have a bad habit of not taking my meds. Only two of them are important, one stops the seizures and the other helps me from attempting at my life. Even when i’m on my meds i still wish to die but off of them,hell i can only say it’s hard to resist killing myself. My boyfriend would be completely ruined and so would my family. That’s the only reason to be honest, i except the thought of death. I’ve been told that i’m selfish and complain a lot but if people knew the crippling pain i was in they would shut the fuck up. […]
Living each day with so much difficulty, having to force myself through each task or activity is so exhausting. I don’t even have the energy to commit to dying. I wish there was a switch to flip so it could just end. I feel like a burden on my husband. He is so good to me and all I do is treat him like shit and fuck up his life with all my bullshit. I am torn between wanting to live for them and wanting to die for them. . . and for me. I’m just not strong enough to keep going. I just […]
If I kill myself I feel like I still don’t win.People are still gonna talk about me like did Carlos really kill himself??What a *****,what a wuss.& my brother??He’s gonna talk non-stop shit about me.I don’t know why he hates me.I don’t love him cause he’s my brother,I just him love & It hurts my heart to know he hates me.To everyone I’m sorry I’m a fuck up.I’m sorry I suck at everything I do.
I don’t know anything nothing I feel so fucking crazy and out of control i don’t know what happened the other night I chain smoked three black and mild I’ve never chain smoked before my whole body’s been shaking for three days something’s wrong with my cats Elmo is starting to go bald on his back and it scares me they have vet appointment Friday i have no friends I’m scared for Ryan I probably ruin everything like I always do I don’t know what to think I’ve never never had anxiety before until he first left my first anxiety attack scared me and i […]
everyday I plan a new escape route. This window, or that rope? This blade, or the bathtub, maybe? It scares the living shit out of me but it’s the only thing I’m 100% certain about. Death is the only thing that I feel is real. Death is the only thing I can relate too. Death is the only thing I see in my future. It’s the one thing I know I can do, it’s the one thing I know I won’t fuck up. People tell me every day that I’m selfish for wanting to end my life. but it’s pretty fucking selfish to force somebody […]
Honestly, was anything I ever said or did good enough? Am I just someone you knew now? Is it because I wasn’t going to coddle you and baby you whenever you had a boo boo? Grow the fuck up. I’m not your mother.
What do you have to do nowadays to get people to stay by your side? Nothing I suppose. Because no one will stay by your side. You reach out for help and people spit on your hand.
All my friends, all my trusted companions, gone now because I obviously wasn’t their ideal person to associate with. The trust circle I have contains 2 people. […]
Sorry I’m different. Sorry I like different music. Sorry I’m not perfect. Sorry I’m bisexual. Sorry I’m depressed. Sorry I have low self esteem. Sorry I hate myself. Sorry I’m a fuck up. Sorry I’m not who you wanted me to be Mum. Sorry I don’t get all A’s. Sorry I’m not smart. Sorry I’m not beautiful. Sorry I don’t get solos in choir. Sorry I waste your money Dad. Sorry I do what I can to get out of the house because I hate it there. Sorry I’m not athletic. Sorry I can’t do everything you want me to do Mum and Dad. Sorry […]
I like this guy. He broke up with his girlfriend for me and for some other reasons. Their relationship had gone on for roughly 18 months. See just last night I thought, you know I’ll be honest with her, so I told her that I liked him and that I was so sorry. We had a row. I’d just like to point out me and this girl were close. I hate myself. I fucked up a relationship, a friendship and everything happy in my life. I don’t deserve to be happy because this girl loves this guy. But he likes me and I like him.
This […]
You’re birth exsist through my pain, fear, and loneliness. You’re always putting me down and telling me to end every bit of life I try to grasp on. You always echo the problems in my life ” you’re dad fucking hates you if you died tonight he’d kick you in the whole he digs himself” or ” she turned you down because you’re an ugly piece of shit you arnt good at anything all you are is a fuck up to society somebody kill him now. I try giving in to him but I get scared 2/3 of me want to die but something […]
So words are kind of failing me right now, i’m not really sure what i’m intending to type in this post but i guess we will see where it goes.
I’m just struggling to keep caring, to keep on going and to give a shit about what i do with myself any more. I’m stuck in this fucking void of self hate and i only hate myself more for being stuck there because i have absolutely no right to feel this way. I just don’t know what i’m supposed to be doing anymore, i’m just such a fuck up and i get everything wrong. I’m […]
Dear family friends and the love of my life,
I have finally hit the wall I cant do this anymore. The pain is just to much. I beg for a way out and this is I guess the only solution to my problems. Isaac I love you more than anything but you could do so much better than me. Please don’t mourn over my death and be happy with another girl.. Melissa my sweet little sister stay strong and don’t let them walk on you like I let them do to me. Mother and father you two are part of the reason I’m doing this. You […]
I’m just tired o being the fuck up of my family. I’m 19 and I go to community college and work part time and am not allowed to move out. Meanwhile my 2 sisters both got in to Ivy League schools (one is attending Harvard grad school in the fall) and they haven’t worked a day in there lives and get a monthly allowance. I’m family ignores me and everyone moved away. I live with my grandparents and we have nothing in common my grandma is 80 an my grandad has dementia. Tonight was just the final straw we went out to dinner and he […]
I’m such a fuck up I can’t even kill myself right..
I’ve tried 7 times and I’m still here….
3 of my friends have done it..
Why can’t I?
They say it has to get worse,
Before it can get better.
I say, “how much worse?”
“How long will it take?”
It’s been 6 years.
But here I go again.
Faking this smile.
Hiding the pain.
No one sees through.
No one cares to.
when yiou drink the rest of hyour champagne and drink some whiskey and take you r medicine and end up bcoming so out of it, you ccan’ t even think. yeahhh. todahy has sucked. Â fucked up once again, …the girl i love is gone and her e i am, wishing i could take that razor and cut my vewin open…but i don’t have the strength…i’m too tired. i’m tired of everything. i have my first day of work tommorow that i’m probably foing to fuck up as well since i forgot eveerything. i need to sleep but no, i gots tio go get a […]