I don’t understand why I feel this way. It’s like no matter what I do I am still a pathetic worthless piece of trash who deserves to be beaten and raped. I am 22 now and my life should be better I haven’t talked to my step dad in 7 years. I thought I was better now. Last spring I was raped by two strangers and ever since I have been lashing out at people. I want them to hurt me because if I star it then the only person I have to blame is me… The down side is that now I just want […]
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God
I feel like my entire life has just been one mistake after another. I’m fat, I have awful grades in school, I hurt my spine trying to lift weights to get less fat, I can’t do manual labor, it looks like I might not get my high school diploma.
I’m just so tired. So, so tired. I’m so tired of making mistakes and being a waste of space. I can’t work to help pay for college because of my spine. I hurt my spine trying to get less fat. I’m fat period. I’m so lazy I can’t even get good grades in school because I never do my […]
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
It was only the first time.
I spun the blade around in my hands
contemplating if I should really do this or not.
I heard my mom yell.
Yes, I should, It’s worth it.
The blade sank into my arm,
cutting across my arm.
Not too deep.
It was only the second time.
The kids at school were bullies.
My parents just got mad.
I took the blade in my hands.
I didn’t even think about it.
I pushed it into my arm,
cutting across parallel to the last one,
A little deeper.
It was at least the 50th time.
I didn’t even have different reasons anymore.
I decided that it’s no longer about living because I have to. I’m going to live because I need to. My mom is currently in intensive care I came home and found her blue from lack of oxygen. She can’t breathe on her own. My mom is everything to me. She came back when I was 12 and saved me and my brothers lifes. I won’t give up until I know she’s fine. I blame a lot of this on myself the lack of oxygen is from to many medications because she was in pain because she was stressed about me. My mom has a […]
So ive never been a blogger or anythig but I would like to share my story so people can relate. When I was younger I was bullied at home and at school. My dad was always very mean to us whicj is sadly common. I was a very sick child and they thought I would die at an early age. I was very skinny where you coul see all my ribs and my eyes sunk in. People often made fun of me at school for being so sick. I was bullied all through elementry school for being ugly,sick, and dumb. Life was very hard for […]
My best friend… well to put it quite bluntly they are in the worst place – they are on the edge of the cliff and are about to fall off very soon.
They keep telling me that there is no hope for them, that I should stop trying to help them when there is no possible solution – but that’s just not in my nature. I wouldn’t leave a stranger alone let alone someone who I think of as nothing less than a brother. When you love somebody you cant just walk away, no matter how much they push…
Yesterday he told me that he just […]
Hi,
My username is an anagram so if any of you care to do a little word play, you can figure out my real name, but thats not why I am here. I am here to tell you, the reader, a story. A story about me and why I want to die, yet cannot achieve presently.
I was born January 25, 1987. My mother was a drunk at the time and my father was smoking crank. I am the result of a one night stand. An accident turned paternal, if you will. My very first thought, I remember, was when I was still an infant, unable to […]
I dont think i am depressed anymore.. I am now happily single,i eat well and i am now a bodybuilder.. Wow i think being single is the best thing that ve ever happened to me.. And put to that i now have a new bestie. Still trying to avoid the old one. I think the blocks of my life is falling into place and i am so grateful to God for it..”BABA” thank you.
st.lesswill
I cried myself to sleep last night because I was so frustrated everything just felt pointless and I was tired of feeling stuck and just wish I never got depressed in the first place. I feel like being bullied caused a lot of problems for me that led me to depression and I feel like if I dealt with bullying by talking to someone and telling those who bullied me that what they were saying was hurting me instead of putting my energy into hobbies then I wouldn’t be here. I developed so many bad habits because of it for instance: I hold all my […]
I keep struggling with reality. The worst part is I have no one to talk to– no friends, only acquaintances. I wonder what would happen if I just start freaking out in middle of a lecture. Screaming and what not… I’m afraid that I want to do that so much that I’ll realize I’m actually doing it, and not just fantasizing about it.
I wonder what it’s like in a mental hospital. Do I belong in one? If I poured each and every though out of my head to someone will they ship me off? I think I would like it in one of those […]
I used to be this happy little girl who only saw good in the world, nothing could keep me down. Now its like the smallest thing makes me want to pop a bottle of pills… maybe its because it all builds up. My mother has said so much about my weight, along with others, that everytime its mentioned i want to go purge. When it comes to people i dont even know anymore. I dont want to be alone but sometimes i dont want to be around others because i know that half the time people wont be focusing on me. I dont see point […]
So, the morning didn’t go too well but that’s a given these days so blah, blah. I went outside to mow the lawn. Christ, is was hot. I checked my mail first – the box was crammed full – I have no idea when I checked it last. So, I finally get to the backyard with my mowing and I am so dehydrated because, well, I think I’ve been forgetting to eat / drink and I think, ‘God, I could die. Yeah, oh, freaking please let me keel over from heatstroke’. No such luck but I did decide to get a Medical Alert Bracelet […]
I know that most of you won’t read this or care or anything but, I am depressed. I feel so worthless, stupid and I feel like a disappointment of a human being. I’ve seen amazing people on the news and at school that  do incredible things for everyone and then I’m just there, wasting space and not doing anything.  When I first started to feel this way, I was only 11  and I thought that God hated me and that he was putting me through hell for a test but, that isn’t fair. Its been a year now and I still feel the same crap. The sad part is that if I were […]
Im not sure If I am truely mentally ill or if i subconsiously want to think I am.
by SomeGuy1993
written by SomeGuy1993
The tittle is strange but it is what im going through. It might be completely retarded but I have to throw this out there and hear from some other people. This site seems like a good place to do that.
Needless to say that im here because I been having some issues involving the idea of suicide, and im going to just say everything thats been bothering me and why. Im going to start off by listing some medical/Social that might be a cause. Also, I am 19 and male and white.
Medical/social suspicions:
– My mother is manic Bi-polar who attempted suicide and I have a brother […]
Today has been better than yesterday was for her. No yelling, no fighting, no hurtful words were propelled at her.
Last night was rough on her. She had to meet her regulars, some nice, some not so much. There was always those men who were very aggressive and since they were paying they felt entitled to anything they wanted. The girl would stop arguing after the first hit, she would stop resisting and let herself float into subspace waiting till it was over. The girl would awaken with noticeably black bruises up and down her arms, her neck, and down her legs.
She is afraid to go home, she […]
i need my dad to be here for me i dont need him shouting at me…… this shit… to much lost fath…… if ther is a god he gave up on me 16 years ago…. when i was born
love you xxxxxxxxxxxx
For the past four years I have sporadically found myself glancing at the final option, and for the last four years I have always immediately retreated from the idea, felt I was foolish to even have considered it. Last week I woke up and took a long look at it. Might not so be terrible. No more collecting shattered expectations. No more painting on a smile. No more cursing the God who created me. It’s starting to sound rather pleasant. Nothingness, not even silence. It would be nice.
I’ll be prepped for surgery at 6 am.
I’ve been praying all week that God will take my life on the operating table.
I really hope He is real, or He can hear me.
I pray I will bleed to death,
Or maybe my heart will stop, and they won’t be able to find the defibrillator.
Or hopefully someone will accidentally drop a mobile chainsaw on me.
Or maybe the Death Star will crash in the OR, and they will take me with them.
I would be fine with that too.
I’m afraid to recall that how this idea ever ran through my mind but If I EVER end up being a transsexual….my mother and her ultra conservative outlook would be responsible for it….the truth is that I’m tired of the mundane gender issues to which I was exposed to at such a young age or to be more specific its one of my earliest memory to be super reserved with people of the opposite gender….because its a “taboo” to be frank or formally intimate with them……I sometimes feel like I’ll never forgive the brutal society laws which made me “regret” for being a female….I often […]