There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
– “The World is a douche-bag, for fuck sake someone add the vinegar and iodine to it already and give it a good flush. We could all do with a bit of good cleaning, hmm!
Get rid of some of that foul smelling bacteria that lingers on a regular basis.”
Words of a dear old friend. She couldn’t have been more precise.
Well yesterday was a good day… a lot of things were starting to fix themselves or at least thats how it felt. And yet… I am feeling so incredibly lonely…it’s as if I could go crazy if I don’t have someone to talk to.
but I am feeling so alienated… as if I were talking to people that lived in a parallel dimension, somehow I never reach no one. I feel rejected all the time.
I need people around me, and that’s so hard to achieve, because everyone is busy living their own lives, and I don’t want to live mine
I wanna stop feeling lonely…
I’m not even sure how to start. I pulled up from work crying. (And that was before I read Nidda’s post i started really bawling then) Im just defeated in this moment. I will be fired soon because of the urealistic productivity standards. Im listening to an audiobook called the Confidence Gap. Its main focus is that you cant control what thoughts pop in your head but how long they stay. Also it is irrelevant how true a thought is but how helpful one […]
I usually listen to rock/ metal but this track has been meshing well with my vibe. Given the aura here this week, I think it will mesh in good.
Happy Tuesday y’all…
Things have been really good and busy for me lately . I have been working and going to school.
I love my job. I have made so many new friends , and it’s given me a new perspective on everything .
Anyone you meet opens a new door for opportunity .
I don’t really have much to say other than the fact that I’ve been well. I’ve been better . I’ve been more active . I drag my self out of bed everyday . I’m engaged in school.
So everything is looking up 🙂 I hope things are great for y’all too 🙂
It’s weird how at times I get these incredible insights about my life, how it’s OK that I’m in the final days of my nearly 57 years. That this is the natural, organic conclusion of my life. I’ve lived long enough. And although it’s sad in a way, death is also not to be feared, but anticipated. I am witnessing myself in my end days. My decline and degenerative process are so apparent to me. I have no appetite and have lost the ability to digest food, so I am incredibly weak. My bladder and bowels have stopped working, I pee once or twice a […]
I always find it incredible, how, if we are ever able to get through extremely difficult times, we are never get affected by the same situations in the same way again. We become more resilient–like a weed or a drug-resistant strain of bacteria or a powerful virus.
We emerge from the dark tunnel and the world opens up. Once we accept our new worldview, we can’t ever go back. The same thoughts have a different nuance. We can’t be who we once were–ever.
Maybe that’s why “wise” people warn us of going down certain precarious paths. We can either stay innocent and not realize the world, or […]
Hi everyone it’s been a while. I’m aware about the rules on posting music and I’m sorry. It’s just I feel most people here might catch the vibe that I catch just like this song and the words “how did I get here”
Those listening I ask myself this all the time “how did I get here”. I was listening to this today staring out my window of the cold sunset just thinking The feelings of this song is strong hope this music does good for you all like myself.
Here’s a few of my daily persecutions from my spouse. Please, comment on your perspective of who’s correct, incorrect, or whatever.
#1 It’s “Emotional Cheating” if I talk feelings to anyone but her, relative or not. Also, if I’m “There for them” in any circumstance. So yes, SP would count as cheating, to her I’m trying to bed all of you.
#2 It’s “Immature” to walk away from situations too intense or confrontational for me. I should hash it out till a resolution is reached.
#3 It’s “Unfair” to expect alone time. Work is my away time, all the rest is her or kids, but mostly her.
#4 […]
I read the rules. I know I’m posting too much, or too often. I’ll probably get banned soon. Anyways, I just had an hour long conversation. With myself, using my voice, a Hispanic accent, and a possibly Swedish? Accent. Probably the best conversation I had this month. I’m so fucking lonely.
I know I’m just attention whoring. As my spouse puts it. Because I’m all about me. So there I said it. I care more about myself than I do about anyone else. I hate myself and want to die, so what good can I do anyone else.
How would you say good bye to your parents?
3 years ago, i started having really bad stomach aches. i was stuck in the house for 5 months, and my best friend moved away. i had tons of tests, but the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. by the end of that summer, i was extremely depressed and started cutting myself. when that school year started, i forced myself to play a sport (which i became very good at) and the pain kind of dissipated. i lost about 20 pounds, and I’m already tiny as it is, so i was down to about 85 pounds. when the physical pain sort of stopped, the […]
Step 1: Take positive thoughts
Step 2: Replace negative thoughts
Do live in euphoria. Make yourself insane. It is okay if you direct your thoughts towards realistic positive change. The best things are at first abstract. Hope will bring you forward with a good framework, but you have to choose. Work out the vauge, and the real. Start here:
Velvet Underground: Black Angels Death Song
I’m not saying my life experience was the worst, but at this point I feel there is no point in staying around. Side note:My maternal uncle committed suicide, my paternal grandmother’s sister committed suicide, and my paternal grandfather died from alcoholism related issues. I feel like my family is a family who tries to be perfect, but hides many secrets because it seems like I’m outwardly the only screw up. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve always been terrified of everything. Often had insane temper tantrums. I don’t remember exactly how young I was when I first went to therapy, but I was young.. […]
I have quitsmoking and drinking so i can b baptised. But everything is so fucked. I have zero hope. Zero desire. I dont even know if God exists. If he does y doesnt he intervene? Answer prayer? My son is probably schitzophrenic. I have tried to help him. Its impossible to get good metal health help. Only bad people succeed. Doing good gets me know where. I have 7 kids. My oldest is a witch to me and abuses me verbally and emotionally because her childhood was shit. If i olan something its fails. If i try i dont succeed. I just wish i would […]
I feel stupid. I said good bye and I couldn’t do it. Took all my meds, tied the rope, had the noose around my neck but the pain was so strong, I couldn’t do it. Ended up sleeping for 2 days again and with a sore throat. How the fuck can depressed teenagers hang themselves from doorknobs and in closets? HOW?
Why can’t I just sleep forever? Sleeping feels so good. Everytime I wake up I think ‘Oh, fuck, again, a new day to survive’.
I am so fucking stupid.
I’m so sick of trying to live. I will never be okay. People keep asking what am I going to do with my life, why don’t you motivate yourself, why not do what makes you happy- Nothing makes me happy I just want to throw my body off a bridge. I find it so weird how most people just expect you to want to be alive, I don’t understand how anyone wants to live through all this garbage.
I don’t want to keep trying, I don’t want to be motivated, I don’t want to get to the “good” part where I have a wife and […]
Around the time of high school my life was so miserable. I couldnt make any friends and i felt useless. I didnt feel like i would amount to anything. I dont even remeber how old i was exactly i just remeber being in my room deciding suicide was the best option. Since im a christian (whether you believe or not. The fact is i do hence why i thought the way i did) i figured heaven would be a more prefered place to live. Besides i had no special talent her on this terrible planet. My grades were always bad. Learning things was always difficult […]
Tonight is going to be my last night.
Good bye SP.