Hey guys,
Honestly, i am not suicidal right now, but generally i feel empty.
I am 17 and there is very little good about my life right now.
Academically i have detoriated.
I have literally no friends, i like a girl, but she doesn’t like me.
Nothings going for me right now.
So ill be blunt,
DOES IT GET BETTER?
Do things become better. Does not getting into a good college mean the end of life?
I don’t have anyone and I’m just not sure why. I try so hard and get nothing in return. It’s gotten to me recently and I’ve come to the realization that I have no one and nothing. I feel like I’m done for good this time. Maybe it’s for the better.
I’m telling everyone about this. I have support coming to me from all different angles. I’ve never felt as loved as I do now. The last period of my life I was suicidal I kept it all to myself whereas this time I am sharing my suffering and it feels good. I am showing I am imperfect, I am accepting support and advice. I have let my guards down.
Day 3 of my meds today, I am actually feeling pretty good this morning apart from I still have really bad insomnia – only 3 hours sleep or so last night. It’s the rolling around waiting for […]
im sorry everyone for posting so much. i am trying to get help for my health issues. just know that i have my reasons. keep fighting the good fight.
Second post. Spent all day yesterday planning my death if my trip abroad didn’t work out. Realised it was really bad.
Realised I have to go on proper meds or I will do it. Am not afraid of death but don’t want to fail at it and think the process would be uncomfortable.
Cried and cried and realised only answer was to get proper help. Went in first thing to docs to book an appointment and said it was urgent. The receptionist asked me how long I’d had symptoms and I said depression a long time suicidal a few months now. I thought she would realise this […]
no matter if you commit suicide or die of natural causes in old age, the end result is the same: you will die in the end! Nature is cruel, heartless, and incredibly restrictive. For example, nature says the Ebola virus, which has no good function whatsoever, is more important than a child’s life. To me this is a horrible reality. No wonder people make up gods and believe in an afterlife. I however, do not because I am a man of observation. I can not look truth in the eye and deny it without being delusional and ignorant.
All all we are is meat. Most brains […]
so i am thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend of 10 years to focus on finding a good job with my education. She is all i had. trust me i wont find someone else to love me. just trust me (just trust me). I am focused on finding a good job soon, or im ending my life. Its that simple. if i find a job, i will contact her. she is not focused on a job, and it is hurting me to stay with her right now. im totally alone. i want to live, so im giving myself 2 years to find a good […]
I don’t use this shit really but in the past week or so shits been really fucked and I just want to write this all down somewhere because it’s all bottled up in my head. For the past two years nothing anybody says or does to me affects me. Whether it’s good or bad I’m indifferent. I’ve heard it all. If someone told me I should kill myself it wouldn’t affect me because I’ll be doing just that soon enough, and there’s nothing that could change my mind about killing myself. Nothing anyone can do or say that will make me suddenly think living is […]
This is really hard for me to write, I’ve never spoken of this experience ever since it happened. When I was a little girl, around 5 years of age, something traumatizing happened to me. And it really messed me up. I’m the only girl in my family. I have 2 older brothers and my mother kept trying for a girl, then I came.
My mon was absolutely not ready to raise kids, so I don’t know why she had any of us. She herself didn’t really have a mom growing up, but she had so many years to learn she was never a good mother back […]
Do you ever hear people say, “It’s okay. It’ll all get better.” Or “It’s only temporary.” And “Stay Strong.”
I’ve heard those phrases so many times in my life, it never really motivates me at all to keep going. Honestly, I feel like people only say that, just because they don’t have anything else to say that’ll actually make a difference. I’m glad I’ve found this website because, writing how I feel is far better than telling a “friend” how I feel. I’m about to be a Junior in high school and sometime during my Sophmore year, I texted a friend that I’ve known for 4 […]
I just joined this site after stumbling upon it researching suicide methods. I know I’m not supposed to share that sort of thing so I’ll just say I was wondering for a moment if I could turn my suicide into a test on how to slow and prolong the bleeding out process if someone’s throat was slit, maybe even create a method to rescuing someone like that, by cutting my own and recording a little experiment, but finding this made me rethink how I got to this conclusion…
I first attempted in third grade, with a makeshift hanging that broke because it was built idioticly in […]
I’m pissed because I saw this thing yesterday that makes it sound like some huge opportunity but it’s not. You need a bachelor’s degree and to pay for everything. So, not as desperate as they make themselves out to be for candidates. What it was, was an ad on the back of a card saying anyone with any experience can go be a school teacher in Vegas because they’re so desperate for teachers. Now I hate people so it wouldn’t be my first choice but I hate everything in my life and I want a change of scene. Then when I looked into it they’ll […]
I’m New To The Website, How Is Everyone? Anyway I’m Probably Going To Kill Myself Finally, I’m 6th Prestige On Black Ops II but my K/D Ratio Is still only 0.67…so I have depression and can’t handle it…
I’ve been 360 No scoped for the last time,my death will be by gunshot, good day
So, gamershell.com offers free demos. One can purchase whole game often on Amazon, race car simulation (Need for Speed Series) and anything flight sounding, especially the helicopter demos and games are a good thought changing environment. Have a minimum XP 32 bit system with video and sound upgrade or a good laptop in 32 bit operating systems to try these simulators out.
http://www.gamershell.com/search/?q=starshatter+demo
Find Vietnam Med Evac and Search and Rescue 4 and Space interceptor.
Microsoft Flight Simulators go back to 1998, a good one and through FSX, ten. I like FS2002. Add on any free airplane from simviation.com free.
So good luck dragging your ball and chain today, […]
For everyone out there who is struggling with suicidal thoughts and/or depression, I just want to ask you a question. Have you ever felt like this a drowning feeling? Because if I am the only one, that would be good information. Thanks.
The slam poetry scene in my state has been a veritable haven when I can actually get myself to attend an open mic/slam feature night. I hope this poem can help at least one person like it did for me.
Kait Rokowski – “A Good Day”
http://youtu.be/TjjaIwVxfTw (to see her recite it)
Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries,
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between […]
I’m here because I don’t want to die. I want to believe that I have something to offer this world, and that my current suffering will lead to a day where I can turn it around and use it to help others. Thing is, I’ve been depressed my whole life. I feel like from the moment I was born, I was given a cluster of psychiatric diagnoses instead of a personality. I was a problem to be solved, not a person to be loved. I was not human; I was merely human labels. Autism at first, because I’d rock endlessly in place. Then bipolar, because […]
I have always told myself that contradictions can be a good thing and a bad thing all in itself. Good ones teach us how to make good choices in life but the bad ones show us how bad this can really be. But life gets really hard when you are a living, breathing, and bleeding contradiction.
I am a contradiction because I love the warm feeling that life can give me, but i want nothing more than to feel the cold grip of death on my shoulder. I am a contradiction because so many people have told me that I am a gift and bring […]
1. You should not have to rip yourself into pieces in order to keep others whole; don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm
2. Even the smallest violin plays a sweeter sound than the worlds loudest explosion
3. Everything happens for a reason/everything is happening just as it should
4. Friends can break your heart too
5. Believe in yourself. You can achieve anything you set your mind to
6. Only you can decide your worth, not others ***** Don’t compromise yourself in order to impress someone else
7. Never say no to adventure or you’ll lead a very dull life
8. Remember who’s been there for you from the […]
What is it that makes some people worth loving or caring for or forgiving and others not? What makes some people entitled to happiness peace joy love and others not? Why do some good people find only pain and others less good find contentment? Is there no logic in this world? Is logic the answer? Is there justice? Where is the line between justice and vengence? Without such a line there can be no redemption. Is there redemption? Do people change? Is hope a real thing or just a way of framing denial of ones fate. Sorry to ramble but as i wrestle with my […]
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