… ive been cutting since i was 12….when i was little….my hole family got torn apart…my sister died…i was a year old thats when everything fell apart my dad got aressted and my mom left a year later to go run off with a guy and do drugs…year after that my sister was born and then a fews later taken away and put up for adoption…ive been living with my grandma since i was two…and then…my being picked on…really started about say…1st grade i got called ugly and stupid and frizzy haired freak….all names you can think of…and i belived them…i used to say i […]
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Grandma
For a week I was able to stay away from thoughts of suicide and I was able to keep myself busy enough to barely notice my sadness. But that all came crashing down yesterday before resulting in this strange mixture of apathy and sadness I feel right now.
I hate feeling nothing.
Feeling nothing is as bad as feeling massively miserable, if not worse due to the guilt that goes with not giving a shit about stuff you know you should give a shit about.
I have important exams this year, it less than a fortnight’s time but I have yet to make myself care enough to study […]
Its not even like I’d care .. Almost everythings gone anyway . I had my parents taken away when I was 2 because of drug addiction . All my biggest hopes and wishes were taken away when I was 8 and I realized “mommy” & “daddy” don’t think I’m any more important than their drugs and new boyfriends/girlfriends . When I was 11 , leuchemia took my grandma from me . This past winter my past caught up with me . All my memories started rushing back and I started acting differently . Because I’d changed so much , all my friends were taken from […]
This is my story, just need to share.
I was raped (sodomized, whatever you want to call it) a few times when I was a kid by my uncle, my grandpa knew but didn’t say anything about it. Grew up with that hanging over my head, told a few friends but all they said was, “man, that sucks.” I didn’t really expect them to say much, but nothing would be better than that. It’s the reason I don’t have a gf, I’m afraid that that abuse will carry over. My parents got divorced when I was 7, dad remarried shortly after that to a […]
Today I found out that my Great Grandmother died of pneumonia last night in hospital. And I felt nothing. We were fairly close and I liked her far more than my Grandma. But when I heard she’d died… nothing. Nothing at all. I felt nothing for her death.
What makes me sad is the impact it has on the rest of my family. I nearly cry when I think about my Great Grandad having to hear his wife’s passed away and my Grandad hearing he’s lost his mother. It makes me really sad to see my mum so not herself. I can’t help but comfort my relentlessly […]
I am trying to hold on but don’t know why. My mom died when I was 9, my dad has never really been in my life & raised by my grandma & grandpa, they both passed a long time ago. I literally have no family & 4 years ago my life changed forever. It had been 11 years together and was so in love when I found my ex-husband. I was married once before and had one son, but we were too young and I thought thats was love was until I met my ex. He raised my son as his own and really gave […]
im going to fukin kill myself. i cant do dis shit anymore. im 32, livin wit my sick grandma. n behind in 5 months in rent. i pop pills like candy n do blow liek ders no tomorrew n ther mite not b. ima loser mannn.. death is pretty fuckin cool if yo ask mhe.
some times I think I’m crazy. My mental status has been smashed into a million pieces. Some times I wonder if it’s normal for ur family to mentally abuses u. Some times I even think I deserve it or that it is ok for my moms husband to sexually abuse me. I’m afraid of the dark, I jump and shake when they are near, waiting to be scolded and told how worthless I am and how fat I am. How much I eat or don’t eat. when to sleep and how long. when I forget to do the dishes I’m told On how retarded I […]
Okay, so right now, I want to commit suicide badly, but I’m scared like a little baby. I actually took 5 paracetamols to make me feel a bit numb. But whenever I think of that person, I just can’t seem to do it. Oh, I am so tired of living through all this pain. I can’t tell someone cuz I’m afraid they’d think i just want to draw their attention. 🙁 I was actually okay yesterday, but when my grandma called tonight, she said some things about my mom which I didn’t like. I was so mad. I mean, why does she always tell me […]
Ok here we go…this all started when i was 11 years old and all of the sudden evrything in my life just crashed. Well my life was always messed up since the start i never lived with my father and always stood with my grandma until my mom found a guy and forced me to live with them but then when i was 11 this “great” guy my mom loved even more that herself or me i guess just decided to go away leaving my mom pregnant and paying for our new house and car, just left her alone we lost our car and almost […]
I lost the most important person to me. my grandma. i handled most of it well. i stayed strong for my family. i kept everyone postive and focused while she was dying. but upon  her death i got stupid drunk and started asking for ridiculous shit from people close to  me dumping even more budens on them. i did this under the guise of anxiety and with the understandng that i wouldnt remember.  i dont think that the shit ive asked from my friends or family was too bad but, it extended to my coworkers.  now, they all know that im a ridiculous drunk. i […]
Starting this Year January 29th, I became suicidal. And ever since, ive been a freak. I’m really tired of it and 2011 was the worst year of my life.
I don’t want to live past today. No one loves me, no one cares that I’m struggling and my mom doesn’t even show compassion at the fact that I’m depressed. Yesterday, my grandma found my cutting knife in my purse. My mom called me forever retarded and didn’t even take the time to realize I had been cutting myself and was struggling. I have the worst family ever.
I am probably going to kill myself tonight. Have […]
Hello all, first apologizies for any typos, as am writing on my ipod. Anyway, well, I guess what brought me to this site is how sad and hopeless i feel. I’ve been struggling with depression since the age of 5; that was when I first had suicidal thoughts. My parents neglected meto the point of abandonment. After my father severely abused me, my mom and siblings we fled to my grandmother’s care. We were better but still faced poverty, hunger and chaos; along with my grandma lived my gangbanger cousin who brought drugs, sex and violence into our home and a schitzophrenic uncle who was […]
I want to die. I want to go to heaven. I want to believe in God. I want, but never get.
written by BlueBlackButterfly
This note is really long, so only read if you’re prepared. This is my story and how I feel. If you have something negative to say, please don’t say it. I’m not really sure what exactly I put in this note because i wrote it on a different site a few days ago, but I still feel the same. Sorry if there is any cussing and just to let ya know… This note wasn’t finished. I have many other things that trouble me daily, but I got tired of writing…
I don’t see the point in life anymore. I’m not even sure if i’m Christian anymore. […]
Put yourself in my shoes and see what you would do.. in all honestly. I’ll take your opinions into account and within 20 days I’ll either be still alive or dead.
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Ok.. My name is Ollie and the only thing good in my life is my beloved grandma. she lives out in the country with 16 dogs and kennels she has alot of land and we love each other so much. I go out once a week on a saturday when i’m not at school (i’m 13) and occasionaly dont go becuase shes showing but if its local i go with her. The bad things.. I’m […]
Just this year on Jan 28 09 my mom passed away.
At first I couldnt beleive it. I was with her in the hospital and she was fine.
I go sit with my grandma and then next thing I hear is CODE BLUE!!
I didnt know what that meant but they sent the nurses to my mom room.
Minutes passed and the Dr came out saying ” Im sorry but her heart just gave out. ”
At that very moment my entire world collapsed!
A month pass after her death and I remembered something.
She would always give me a hug before I went to school.
I burst out in tears and reached […]
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