Right now my life feels like I’m window shopping. I look in the glass with my family in it and I feel alone. I see my sister my mom and dad all having a great time, going out to dinners, shopping, football games. And I’m standing at the window usually high, drunk, or sleeping. I walk past the window of my school and I see other students striving with their plans, about to graduate. As for me I’m staring through the window considering dropping out, I can’t even wake up in the morning to get myself to school. I look in the window of my […]
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greatest
It all feels like a dream right now, like I am no really living, but at the same time I see everything as clear as the day. And it scares me how much I want to end my life when one of my greatest fears is living. I don’t think any of my friends understand how much I am going through.
I want them to understand, I want them to help me, but I know that they can’t because I can even help myself out of all of this. My mom doesn’t believe me when I told her that I might be depressed, she wouldn’t even […]
http://www.gq.com/news-politics/newsmakers/201409/the-last-true-hermit
At least, someone I admire in a weird sense… that’s like, a qualification for a hero, right? This story’s kinda old so I dunno how many people haven’t read about this guy yet, but basically this dude just decided that he wanted to live a life completely devoid of human interaction, and indeed he did for almost 28 years. I think he was around 20 when he just walked into an isolated park in Vermont and lived off petty burglaries around the nearby cabins, stealing only things that he needed to survive on, and apparently a lot of books too, he seems pretty well-reas. […]
This is for you, I read your last post, titled “Love”. I hope this will shed some light on the subject.
In fact a mature person does not fall in love, they rise in love. The word ‘fall’ is weak. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have […]
It’s been such a long time. Just by being back here I feel all the hidden pain come rushing to the surface. It’s fimilar, almost comforting.
I’m ashamed to be here. Understanding my depression, and facing it head on, was my greatest downfall in life. Yet somehow, I tamed the beast. I lived two years of happiness. Oh god, it was purely amazing. Looking back, it was remarkable, something I’d never thought possible. I cannot say that I’m angry it’s over, there’s no self pity here. I am grateful for the time I was given. I always knew in the back of my mind, that my […]
Less than a year ago I decided to end my life the other day. I haven’t had a plan and haven’t thought about it much, or at least, seriously. But that day I woke up and felt ready. Finally.
I was supposed to go to my psychologist that day, but I was so frustrated to the fact that nothing changes. I’m still depressed. How exactly is it gonna help me talk about it?
I was on the bus on my way to the clinic and planned my little escape. I always carry with me enough pills to overdose. I call it ‘my suicide kit’. You know, for […]
My son asked me one day what my greatest fear was. I couldnt respond. I was unsure. Usually ones greatest fear is linked to death in one way or another. I do not fear death. After a few months of thinking about it, i have come to the conclusion that my greatest fear is existing in this redundant way of life forever.
Tell me, what’s so great about being at college, this fucking college life? It’s suppose to be the best time of your life and since I’ve been here, this has been the worst 2 weeks probably in my life. Before I left to come here, do I dare say I was happy? I think that’s what happiness was, being surrounded by people who love you, don’t make you question their intentions and people who are around you just for the sake of enjoying your company. We didn’t really do much, we constantly just sat around smoking weed and talking, enjoying being with one another, but […]
I have finally given up my will to live. I know that there’s no point, when all I have to look forward to is more of the same. Even if I were to manage to get through this period in my life, it would just be another rotation of the wheel that is my mental health. I might be able to get help and become “happy” again, but my depression will just come back around again and again. So I’ve given up the will to fight any longer. That part of me is gone. My will is dead. Like it was a real person. Will […]
I’ve always felt there’s something seriously wrong with me and the gap between me and others has increased and become more obvious over the years. I can’t communicate and I end up being hated by every single person who ever gets to know me, and then they label my insecurity and fear as ‘social anxiety disorder’ as if it’s an unnatural response. When I appear online on facebook people go offline and someone’s just said “god I give up” just because I, liked her post. How can I not commit suicide when I am so brain damaged that I can’t even communicate to kids or […]
those who are there helping,listening and offering advise,
you are heros. the greatest people alive tonight. bless you, your are brings of great passion  EXTREMELY strong hearts
I don’t know if anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have. My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be. It over-analyzes things. It makes mountains out of molehills. When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day, I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course. My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]
I admit I don’t have the greatest life. My mom is the shittiest person alive, no one actually cares about me they just pretend they do then treat me like shit, I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever been close to, I’ve been through abuse of every kind, I have a lot of health issues, I have extreme anxiety and depression, and I’ve never been given any reason to like myself so I don’t. But there are definitely people out there who have it worse than I do. So why do I always feel like I want to die… nothing can really make me happy anymore and […]
Drunken Religion:
On the off chance the inspiration in me
Is genuine and not a result of the chemical mix within me
I present myself to the universe whole
And request forgiveness for the sin that breeds beauty within me when I can’t feel my soul
My inhibitions turn up dead
Life is crazy and I can’t decide whether God only exists in my head
False bravado is the solution when
Cheap vodka is my only friend
The love of my life passed me by tonight
In the dark in the wee hours of graduation night
At first I wasn’t sure it was her and […]
Drinking an crying drinking and crying. filling up the empty bottle with tears so i can just pour it all over my psychiatrists nice rug tomorrow and say “Thats how i feel” but he wouldn’t get it.
You know the worst and maybe greatest feeling i’ve discovered in this amazing life, is the feeling you get when you realise you gotta take control of your own death. That strong burning sensation you get on the wrist’s that trickling blood feeling behind the eyes, so much passion and euphoria. which sadly is designed to be short lived, for reasons we all know.
Sorry I’m in a mood. 70% […]
I won’t die until late August, but this is the note for when I do. I need to share it.
My suicide note (In preparation for the inevitable. In preparation for the end of the story that has been embedded in my genes since I was an infant):
They say life is a bad joke. They are wrong, it is a good one. When we were little they told us that we were special. That we were unique. That we were all winners. That we mattered. That there is justice in the universe. That we were lucky enough to be born in the greatest country in the […]
The famous poem goes
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
But I can’t say I agree. I refuse to “whimper” out. Never have and never will. I haven’t always won my battles (Christ knows I haven’t), I haven’t always fought bravely against my enemies. But I’ve NEVER rolled over and taken it.
And Life is my greatest enemy. I will not roll over and take it, like so many […]
I ask a simple question and expect a simple answer,
but no I get yelling and arguing back.
I tell you something important,
and you blow it off like you’ve heard it before.
I cry about the biggest and smallest things,
and you treat my tears like shit.
I dream about the greatest things in life,
only for you to be the nightmare when I wake up.
I didn’t write this nor do I have the author to credit. It was definitely something I’ve pondered. Thoughts?
What would I do.
“What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: “This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and […]
So basically this is my first post and it’s going to be shitty sorry.
…buuut yeah, my name is Brianna and honestly, I don’t want to be living here on this bullshit planet any longer. I’m tired of getting judged by the music I listento, the clothes I wear, what I look like the next day, and so forth. My life to me is honestly completely useless. I wake up everyday feeling like a mistake, and that I should’ve never been born. I’ve been called names like slut, emo, ****, *****, and been told that no one likes me, I’m depressed all the time, I […]