I miss how he made me feel important. I loved being around him. Don’t exactly know why but I did. I liked when he would come over and watch movies with me. He would stare into my eyes while he laughed at the dumbest jokes, I loved it. I don’t know what feelings I had for him really. Did I like him as a brother or something more? We used to go to the movies and to restaurants, I just loved being around him. I guess it got too weird for him. But it’s been months and I still think about him. My only wish […]
How to start,while my hands are shaking and i finally made myself cry after a long time of trying to be strong and keep it all inside me. It sounds like another lame and pathetic story about how misunderstood someone can be. Honestly i had my moments of searching for attention but this time i just want revenge. I promise this will be my last selfish act towards everyone i know. I really wanted to make everything right again but when my own mother says that i am naive and stupid how am i supposed to feel about myself, how i am i supposed to […]
I don’t know if anyone can relate to it. I’ve never told anyone before. My story seems different from the stories I see that flood these boards. I’m not depressed or lonely. I do enjoy living. Even, when I have a strange tendency to forget to do the things that keep people alive such as eating food on a regular basis. I do like food. I’m just forgetful. I have friends who remind me to eat so it’s not too bad. In general I am a happy person. When I drink I’m a happy drunk. I most certainly have no intention of dying.
But here I […]
Sure we may not to be able to access to the weapons, or be forced to go and fight, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do. We viciously attack each other in many shapes and forms. Bullying, rape and assault are just some of the extreme ways that some people use to do this. The figures we look up to are the same. Sure they teach us all their good traits and beliefs and aren’t forcing children to kill each other, but it is like Paul says in the book All Quite on the Western Front; “They were suppose to be the ones […]
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
I don’t know why, I don’t know how. All I know is that I can make myself feel better for a while by giving myself 1 or 2 almighty punches in the side of the head. I don’t know if giving myself a headache gives me something to concentrate on, or whether it just shakes my noggin enough to make it work properly for a while.  If it’s the latter, maybe it’s similar to The Fonz hitting the side of the jukebox at Arnold’s. Happy days.
I now understand why cutters do what they do. Whilst my preferred method of self-treatment isn’t cutting, I can see how it might work for […]
Well ,
I have epilepsy (seizure disorder) I have them all the time at school and It’s embarrassing. I go home and cry myself to sleep most nights. I hate being alone because of the fact that I have to think of all the shit that’s going on in my life. I had a friend almost take her life back in December. She broke her family , I dont want this happening to me , but I  feel the urge  to do it. I need help but I’m terrified.  I truly Hate my life.
Dear Jackie, I remember a lot of years you had a lot of issues. I saw the cuts on your wrist.. and when we asked you, you told us they were the cat. I guess I believed you at first but then it came clear. your step father raped you.. you had deliberatley hurt yourself.. I was wrong to say all of the things I said to you in front of people.. I didnt know how hard it was to deal with those things. I truly am sorry.. I now know what its like to feel these feelings.. I know what its like to be […]
im going to kill myself tonight. im just finished. i cant cope anymore. too much has gone wrong for too long and my body and mind are so tired. i cant deal with being sad and cutting all the time anymore. i need relief. i need to feel at peace again, and the only way to get that release is death. nobody can convince me otherwise. and i dont want people saying im selfish either, because guess what i dont have anyone that loves me anymore and i certainly wont be missed. i dont want that “youre special and unique” BULLSHIT either. cuuuuuz guess what, no im not! billions […]
God I was feeling so good yesterday, and now it’s back to not being able to concentrate and having panic attacks non stop.
I’ll start at the beginning. A few months ago, my mum started getting really sick. At first she refused to admit it (she is a very proud person, and I guess I inherited it from her), but she eventually went to the doctor. Over the next couple of months, the doctor (and others he had brought in) couldn’t figure out if it was cancer or something less serious and therefore to this day haven’t diagnosed it. During this time, both my brother and I have […]
yeah im pretty sure, he got what he wanted back, now i dont think he needs me anymore. im stuck in hell alone i guess.
I guess ill start from the begining… I grew up without a father, for my childhood, I never had fun because I was always forced to do homework from books that you can buy. If I did a problem wrong, I would get hit with a wooden stick on the hands or slapped in the face… I always enjoyed games since I grew attached to it considering my mom was at work. Playing games also were the part of the my life where I would unstress my selfI also never had an actual summer since my mom still forced me to to spend all my […]
Dedication, intensity, effort, practice, determination… all those words in Gatorade commercials: sometimes you just, fail.
You get back up again, and fail again. Every failure hurts. You see people trying until they succeed, but you never see someone trying and failing all the time. If you try a a hundred times, they tell you you’ll succeed the 101st time. If you try a thousand times, you’ll succeed 1001. At what time can you quit and you’re not a quitter? You tried, you failed….. you’re a failure. You stop trying, you’re a quitter. You tell yourself you don’t care. It might even be true after a while. Passion […]
i guess ive gotten so good at ling about being ok bc not even my best friend can tell that my “Im fine” or “Im ok nothings wrong” or the complete opposite i feel more alone then ever before ….
Tonight, I broke down. It has been almost a month since I began recovering from a yearlong eating disorder that destroyed my life. No therapist, no support from family, just me. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am still going strong. Some moments are good, some are terrible. Tonight was just awful, I couldn’t get myself together. I was sobbing because I lost hope for half a second and I started thinking about everything. I just felt so alone.  I pulled myself together and knew I was going to be okay, sometimes we all fall apart. So at the same […]
i honestly don’t care whether or not i die. if a car drives towards me. sure, i’ll jump to safety. its natural. and wayyy to messy. i heard that girls end their cycle through pills n shit.. boys do it the messy way, shotguns or roadkill. i don’t care much though. its ok.
i just wished nobody cared. it would have been easier to be me. so. my gran found out im smoking. she started off like god was against me. i ended the conversation with saying: why would god care if i provoke cancer when children starve to death somewhere else.
my life might not seem […]
It’s been so bad all day today, and now it’s nearly time to face the dark. Alone. My thoughts have been running marathons all day, and I see no sign of the excruciating turmoil inside of me letting up.
Once again, the horrible days where I am so physically sick from this, I can’t move, and so emotionally fucked I start losing track of which thoughts are rational and which are not, are the days when I have no one. The times where I am paralyzed with fear and flashbacks and lonliness… they are the nights that I suffer alone.
I guess I do have one small […]
So to to make it as short as i can..im a 15 year old girl living in a tiny town out in the middle of no where, i have a few friends that are close..but i just finished my freshmen year, and im back almost all my credits because i missed to much school, when i used to get straight A’s the middle school.. because i couldnt even handle getting out of bed everyday, and facing all those happy people, with there boyfriends and girl friends, and there cute clothes, which i cant get only because my size..and all my friends seem to have boyfriends […]
I don t feel like talking with anybody but yet i came here. Nothing bad recently happened i just don t feel the same. Everything is just so ordinary and unimportant and i can t find anything that satisfies me. I clearly got off the tight track again. without no particular reason. I was out yesterday and i got drunk, pretty pathetic but i do it every now and then to feel better or to forget things but i guess it has the opposite effect now. Anyway i was annoyed with something small which i don t even remember now. i took my things and […]
You ever look at people around you and wonder “whats going on with me” ever wonder why your sad, lonely, why people you trust leave you, i do, i had a friend we were close and we kinda liked each other then he got a girlfriend stop talking to me, an we still tlk i guess but not the same, never the same he has new friends, an me, well am alone i should have known to keep my life to myself ,now i feel invaded, i feel like everyone knows me, i feel stupid, i feel alone in a world full […]