I did not, you see, want to kill myself. Not at that time, anyway. But I wanted to know that if need be, if the desperation got so terribly bad, I could inflict harm on my body. And I could. Knowing this gave me a sense of peace and power, so I started cutting up my legs all the time. Hiding the scars from my mother became a sport of its own. I collected razor blades, I bought a Swiss army knife, I became fascinated with the different kinds of sharp edges and the different cutting sensations they produced. I tried out different shapes—squares, triangles, […]
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Guess
I have failed yet again. I was just taken out of the hospital and I am now on a 24/7 Suicide watch. I thought I had finally succeeded when I had seen the bright Hospital lights. I guess the real reason I Am typing this is that I need a fast way to be gone. I have tried hanging, OD, cutting of and artery and drowning. Please I need a fast and almost painless way. I need fast becAuse although my parents don’t care about me I have one “friend” I guess but he calls if he doesn’t hear from me every 2 hours. […]
Okay, i’m 13 years old. I have to repeat the 7th grade. I would’ve passed it, but i left my school 3 weeks early. That school stressed me out, to the point where i just couldn’t do it. i never wanted to go back there again. i only had about 2-3 friends at the end of the year. i like, pushed everyone away. i don’t even know how. right now, it’s about a month and a half into summer. i moved across town, so i’m going to be starting a new school. i lost connection with all my friends from my previous school, but like […]
my name is robert, and i am having difficulties with life at the moment, i guess you can say that i am not as depressing , i am very strong actually but even the toughest can fall down sometimes. i have a emotional attachemtn problem , my problem is that i fell in love and i don’t know how to let go. it started of as friends typical right? but it was so great , the greatest friends you could find ;were not that regular we like to do the same things we love only horror movies , we like earie things ,murder cases,stuff like […]
Like, when is it my time to be that girl who was once the ugly duckling and turned into the beautiful swan? Because right now, im still the ugly duckling. It feels like no matter how old i get, or how much i try to change my look. I will always look like shit! it’s crazy. And everytime i think i look good, No one else does. Like no matter what i do, im always be that ugly ass girl. you know? and it gets annoying. Im tired of it. Im tired of being “the ugly one” when it comes to me hanging with my […]
my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]
my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]
I just posted a book in a reply to a post I read on here. This site isn’t what I was looking for however I am grateful to have found it. This topic of conversation isn’t exactly what you feel comfortable or welcome to discuss openly with anyone. I don’t advocate suicide for anyone, it’s horrible in fact and when I think about the impact it has on the people who care about you it does feel selfish. I can only speak about my own situation. Today is a very dark, lonely day and I have never felt more isolated or alone in my life. […]
I’m so sick. Everyone wants me dead. Why do I keep trying to find someone to hold on to? Noone will ever care about me. I can’t keep the happy face anymore, it’s just too much. Everytime that I show someone the agony inside they’re like “Run for the hills”. I will always be alone. Noone could ever love a stupid loser like me. I thought that I could help if I would talk to people around here. But how could a fuck up like me ever help anyone when I can’t even help myself? Everyone is going to be better without me. Nobody will […]
I haven’t posted anything in a while, while I have been reading others posts and commenting I really have nothing to say as far as myself. I posted that I was entering a manic state, but now I’m not so sure. I have bipolar 2 so I don’t experience intense mania. I have sperts on and off of whats called hypomania. Less intense but still manic and comes with a harsh crash back to reality soon after. So for the last 6 days or so I have been calm, cool, and collected.
I woke up and realized I was completely over my ex and my depression […]
I miss the people who know me. Now I know how it feels to finally see the people I badly wanted to be with because they knew me and then realize that I left behind the ones who really know me for these people who will never understand me or even care to try to learn who I am. It hurts. I thought this is what I wanted but these aren’t the people I grew up with…
I’m home… Fuck it I have no home. I thought I wanted this but I’m still fucking miserable. Guess I’ll never be really happy again. I feel more trapped […]
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I do have a sense of relief right now, since I found this page. And I know it seems stupid that something as simple as stumbling across a website can give me any relief from the way I feel right now, but I’ll take what I can get. I feel like things couldn’t possibly be any worse, but I know thats not true at all, because they have been worse before. I suppose it is a bit comforting to be able to get this off my chest without having the repercussions that telling an actual person can […]
Yup, some things have happened since i last came here. i think i’m in love, but i hate getting hurt so much. My best friend came into town but right now she’s not here. Thats pretty much all that has happened that is good. I still am depressed and suicidal but again, i can’t leave my best friend alone in this cruel world. Wish i could go right now. Still am addicted to cutting. I’ve burned myself but its not the same without any blood. I’ve seriously been thinking about drugs. I need something that will help relax me and maybe i’d finally get some […]
Well I just can’t do this anymore! I came to my aunts about a month ago to get my shit together. I got off drugs, got my food stamps, got back on meds, trying to get my insurance back, and I have applied once again for my social security disability. Some good things in the works I guess BUT my depression, and suicidal ideation is at an all time high. I almost killed myself in my aunts basement and for that I am disgusted with myself. The funny thing is now that I am clean I haven’t had one craving for drugs! NOT A ONE! […]
I am dying inside in a sort or agony/hell/torture that is literally unimaginable! I have the perfect opportunity right now to end it! I won’t have this opportunity again for several days! I could be setting up the equipment right now as we speak and be gone within a hour. BUT NOOOO, I don’t have the fucking balls enough to go thru with it! I’m too afraid of the pain which I know will be over within 5-20 mins. The pain I have been feeling for the last 12 years by far out weighs the pain of hanging myself. I KNOW THIS! BUT I STILL […]
That shocked me. I’m not really suicidal, not really. I’m not brave enough to try. But my whole life, I’ve just been waiting to die. Because I don’t feel loveable. I feel like I exist just to bring misery to others, and that it’s my only purpose. My brothers called me Burden when I was little. I never wanted to be that. All I have ever wanted, my whole life, was for someone to look at me, and know me, from my charmingly crafted outer-persona to how I really feel, and just… Still like me. Still care about me. Every single person who I ever […]
I hope nobody i know ever see it, and i hope that feeling will vanish soon.
But, it’s hard. Living unhealthy, unhappy, and lonely.Waking up, knowing the difficulties waiting ahead, the lack of stimulation, ….the limitations that my health imposes me.
Spending too much time at the hospital, in need to be fixed. Can i return that broken body of mine? I wish.
When i feel out of breath, when i can’t take it, i think of going, leaving, you know? Dying.
It’s not as i wanna take my life. It’s a feeling of…expecting, hoping, not to wake up .Wishful thinking.
Will my heart give up now? Tomorrow? Tic tac, […]
yeah thanks mom and dad for screwing my dream of being a model. yeah i knew it was unlikely anyway but u criticize me for taking pictures of myself thinking im doing all of it for attention FUCK NO! yes i know i may be beautiful but im no size 4 u still have no right to flat out say “honey, your just not skinny enough they will destroy u put u on a diet to lose weight i dont want u to become obsessed with size look at me dear im fat and can careless u should do the same” u have gotta […]
im not shure and i honestly don’t care if anyone has written anything even remotely similar. my life doesn’t suck. yeah it has its moments. but no. i like my life.
but. im tired. thats all there is to it. there is nothing left for me here. i just feel like i am done here. i need to move on.
i got help for these suicide thoughs. but honestly. nothing worked. in the end of the therapy i pretended to be healthy. but… you cant fix someone when they are already dead inside.
some things are beyond therapy i guess.
im not old. im 18. and appear like everyone […]
Hey, guess what.
My heart’s still beating
My blood’s still flowing
My body’s still working
and I’m even glowing.
They all say I’m better and prettier than her. They all say it’s his loss. They all took my side. And I saw her, and they were right. He’s trying to get to me, but he isn’t strong enough to break through. His mistake, he’ll look back and think, “Wow, that was stupid, she gave me her heart and I threw it away, she was amazing” The 80 and 20 rule, I’m the 80 with the whole package and I cared about and loved you. You just met […]