I am starting to realize no matter what u do in life you will never be able to escape life without all the pain that comes with it. Life will be good there for a while and then I will just be knocked down again like I always do.It always happens. I try to hold on to the fact that things will get better and in a couple of months I will look back and realize life is worth living, but I have gone through this so many times I don’t see any hope. I try to keep holding on, but it is the hardest […]
Tag:
Guilt
To A Breathless Oblivion by The Black Dahlia Murder
the chair’s been kicked a rope tied to the rafters
blue faced and broken necked I sigh
relieving my vision from the sick mocking stare
of that hated sun burning the sky
slumped like a headless scarecrow
cold and limp against the wall
blood paints a pattern of rorschach’s design
thawing the winter that burdens this heart
shit stained and shameful
an exit in disgrace
not a splash but just a ripple left
I end this life in vain
in vain
in the dead of the darkness I breach the still lake
toward the reflection of […]
I am writing this down for its (hopefully) therapeutic value. My hope is that upon reading this over I will realize the inherent ridiculousness of the position being advanced by this tract and be able to move on with my life. Here goes nothing.
I want nothing. I would rather not exist. I would rather never have existed, but since this is impossible, I wish to die. I do not want to hurt anyone through the cessation of my existence. I simply want to not exist. I have lived for 24 years and the only happiness I have ever felt has been fleeting and momentary. Would […]
it all started in 6th grade. i was bullied, my grandpa died, and other stupid stuff. im now in 8th grade, and i have strongly considered suicide around 11 times. couldnt God give me a break?!!?!?!? im only 14!!!!!!!!!! when your heart just feels so overwhelmed that you cant bare it any longer. i put a smile on my face everyday at school. thats just not something you want people to go around knowing. i got two really close friends. i just always felt guilty, them thinking they knew me, but they didn’t at all. they thought i was always happy and bubbly. guilt built up inside […]
Guilt is eating me away. Guilt over hurting my family, even when they told me they would rather have me die than to live with me depressed. Guilt over feeling this depression and suicidal thoughts are just because i’m weak. Guilt over hating my life. I’ve only cared about other people since i was little. Even though i give great advice and talk people out of a lot of shit, i cant seem to take my own advice. I’m trying to stop only caring about other peoples feelings to much. But who knew it was so hard to stop guilt from eating you away…
Buried under self-inflicted fate, I spend a thousand silent nights awake/Falling into dreams of pain, waiting for the light of day, to wash away this burning sin/This torment searching for a new victim / Looking forward to the day I die, I never found a way to live/Turn back now, before it’s too late/Seething hate and leaking faith, hold me up before I break/A fragile heart and darkened mind, this is your time, this is your time/Follow the crumbs that I leave, leading to a black heaven/You know the way this story ends/Lift me up and start again/Waiting for the voice that fades, straining to […]
I wrote my first blog here earlier last year:Â A Wasted Life… and hopefully my last is going to be posted sometime next year. This one was quite unplanned and most unexpected but after thinking about it for a little while, I just had to go ahead and write it… okay, so here goes. I live with two people who I greatly care for but one of them’s like seriously terminally ill and he isn’t really capable of taking care of himself anymore, he’s also extremely isolated now since he’s pretty well housebound most of the time. I’ve been living with him for years, trust me […]
It will never be ok…
I’ve been “struggling” with depression since I was nine; I’m thirty-three now. I have been on hundreds of medications and finished sixteen rounds of ECT (8 unilateral, 8 bilateral) in May. Long story short, things are not better.
I feel a huge amount of guilt and fear about leaving my husband behind, but I can no longer distract myself from the fact that I want it to end and it doesn’t seem that is going to happen. I have been severely depressed, unable to go to school, unable to even bathe, for three and a half years now. I love my husband more than I knew […]
I don’t know where to start. All i know is at 29 i should be further in my life than this. I’ve had SEVERE anxiety issues since i was in elementary school. I had to quit school and get my GED because of it. I went to cosmetology school and didn’t take my test because i was too nervous and was scared i was going to make an a** out of myself. Anyway, my dad who has cancer pays my rent. They denied me for food stamps so i have no food and no way to pay my bills. I’ve tried to work but because […]
I think it started when I was a lot younger than I am now. I now realize that in the past I fed off of guilt. Somehow, I liked the feeling of making people feel guilty, making them feel regret. And I was that way because I was sick and tired of myself being a magnet for those emotions. Maybe then, I wanted people to feel what I felt. Every little event that happened to me always started to build up through the days into something big, and I would always just look at the things I had done, and just say ‘Man, my life […]
I’ve thought about committing suicide for the past year of my life. I’ve thought about cutting my wrists but have decided that would be too bloody and painful. I’ve thought about jumping in front of a Semi, but then I couldn’t do it because of the compassion I felt for the poor sorry bastard driving the truck. I’ve thought about shooting myself, but the only guns in the house belong to my dad, and I sure as hell am not dying by embedding one of his bullets in my brain; he got me here in the first place, and I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he has succeeded in killing me […]
In 7th grade I had the bestest friend you could ask for, but then, she became a band geek and she just drifted away. Then in 8th grade i made a pretty damn good best friend. But then high school came and my bestfriend went to some other school, and everyone just changed. I started to look at everyone diffrently, and all I saw were inconsiderate assholes. Then I noticed the shit my mom was going through: woke up at 5am, worked ’til 10pm every day, no days off. I feel so useless because I can’t do anything to help her. And she works her ass […]
Things, for lack of a better word, have not been well. A year ago, I met the woman of my dream, an angel, true beauty. We were married and the wine began to flow. I’d find myself needing to leave bars, having put down more whisky and xanax than any normal man should. One night, while in a drunken rage, I did the unspeakable, a slapped that beautiful woman. The look of sadness and pain in her eyes is still etched in my brain. I was arrested and sentences to some alcohol classes. The drinking worsened to the point that we started staying apart several […]
Because I’m not the one that wants to end my life. My Girlfriend just called me 20 minutes ago and said she was getting ready to jump off a local bridge thats about 120 ft high. She hasnt picked up the phone since that call. I only hope she was bluffing, but she has brought this up more and more over the last few monthes, including one failed attempt with Valium where I had to take her to the hostpital and have her stomach pumped. When they told her they were going to put her in a phychriatric ward she flipped out and had me […]
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