I used to be one of those people who could summon infinite happiness from even the smallest things. Seriously, I’d walk down the street, and I’d find a nickel, and suddenly that was the best day of my life. What happened to that person? What happened to me? I know what happened. I just don’t know why it did. Why did it happen to me? That’s a question we all ask ourselves right: why me? I realize now that there’s just never an answer to why me always seems to be the butt of God’s cruelest jokes. So lately I’ve found myself asking a different question: what if? […]
I used to be suicidal too. But since 2 months ago, I have undergone a transition in my life. I am alive now. And I am really glad to share my experience to all of you who are in darkness right now.
This post is written with the sole hope to help you all, even just a bit.
Let me tell you what I did to live.
I write diary entries. Stupid, foolish entries. I wrote things which make me happy everyday. And some really useless stuffs also. “Today I drank coffee.” “Today I laughed.” “Today I am healthy.” “Today I played my favourite game.” ..etc. Trust me… […]
MY most recent attempt to enter into a relationship with someone ended in bitter failure. As have the last 13 attempts I’ve made in the past few years. I’m 19 years old, have only one friend (that I barely talk to), and am still a virgin.
I am going no where in my life. I’ve never had a job, and likely won’t anytime soon. I’m far too lazy and pathetic to actually accomplish anything. What makes it worse is that I had such high hopes for myself when I was in high school. As I look around my university I notice people who are much more […]
Im just tired…Tired of living…tired of being a failure. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really don’t. I feel like im drowning in a black pool…I just want to end it…end all the pain and misery im feeling. They label me…They don’t know…they just assume…They’re not with me while im in my room…crying…hating myself…slicing up my wrists… The person they see has been gone for a while…They can’t see it but im dying inside…It hurts really bad. Im getting tired…of everything…Everywhere i turn theres critics…messing me up…criticising me for what i lack…happiness…fun…whatever that stuff use to mean anyway…im not happy…i just feel….dead….walking down […]
Hi all. I’m James from New Jersey. I’m 27, and my younger brother Henry (who was 25) killed himself last year. His suicide brought untold grief into my heart, but after a week or so I re-adjusted my view on his chosen action, as every time I’d think of him, I’d have this sensation of indescribable happiness and peace. And I realised that if he’s happy, then I should be happy for him too.
A few weeks ago I felt I can’t cope with the personal problems in my life, and I started planning my own suicide in earnest. I was going to execute my […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
I’ve been visiting this site for the past few days, and have been wondering why. Why am I here? Why am I reading other peoples’ stories? Do I want to post my story? Do I get some sort of kink out of the misery of others? Do I enjoy other peoples’ pain? Do I hope that I might be able to sympathize or empathize with them? Why? The reason I post this now is because I think I now know.
Is there anyone out there like me?
I’ve been wanting to die for six years now and have attempted suicide seventeen times, but that’s not want I […]
Honestly I don’t know where to start… Recently I’ve realized I’m depressed. I just feel so empty inside. Like I’m moving through the motions day by day. My family doesn’t or can’t understand what I’m going through. They’re all wrapped up in their own problems, and I’m not willing to become a nuisance to them. It feels like years since I’ve been thinking about dying. Just jumping off my roof one day, or drowning myself. But until recently it didn’t dawn on me that I wanted to commit suicide. I have lots of people in my life that love me, and would hate it if […]
I’ve read that depression is based on self-loathing.
I’ve never experienced sober happiness the way others seem to. Â Looking back on my life, the parts that I think of as happiness are brief moments of relief from this always-present guilt that seems to hover over my head. Â When it briefly lifts once in awhile, that’s happiness to me. Â It makes me feel lonely too, and I wonder if others ever suffer from the same thing.
I wondered if I’ve been hating myself. Â It’s true that I don’t like myself, but “hate?” Â That seemed a little too harsh. […]
I’m really sad about my life… And I want kill my self… I thought about this a lot, but never had the “courage” to do…
My girlfriend said I “killed” her happiness, and it broke with all my heart….
I can’t make the most important person in the earth for me happy.. so why I should live more?
All fights is the same… I want give up… I’m not strong enough…
I know it’s a little silly… But is how I feel inside…
An apex of happiness exists, but that point is far beyond my grasp. Every little hunk of happiness I have ever experienced has either been broken down or snatched away from me. I can’t keep it together, its just not within my ability. This world you have constructed wasn’t meant for people like me. I fall into a niche and all that happens to us is misery. We are the people who’s company you enjoy, but also the people you take advantage of, and the very same people you scoff at simultaneously. My relationships fall apart and I finally understand why: I don’t deserve any […]
I’ve just written a suicide note. I’m really scared. I want saving so badly but I now nothing nor no-one can fix me. No one cares for me, they just pretend to. No one would miss me, not after a little while. It’s really not that I want to die, I just want to stop feeling this excruciating pain. I’m so alone. So frightened. And I have no one.
I started cutting myself to make myself better, see I have this incredible sister. She’s amazing. Perfect. Outstanding grades, über talented, gorgeous and the nicest person in the world. And then there’s me. The fuck-up. I started […]
I don’t know what’s going on in my life. I feel so emotionally dead. Occassionally I feel small flickers of happiness, but it feels weird and stale…it doesn’t seem real. The only feelings I experience are sadness, disappointment, and anger. But most of the time I’m just existing, dull and monotonous. And what’s messed up is that I know that there’s really nothing going on that should make me feel this way. My parents are still together, I make good grades, I have plenty of friends, I have plenty of talents. It just feels like nothing matters. It’s all going to go away anyways. I’m […]
I dont want to have to lie anymore, I dont want to pretend im well when im not, what i want is to expose my deepest wishes.
That would cause a stronger prison and I couldnt bare have my wings totally ripped away from me.
So sad I just cant scream my happiness to the four corners of the world.
But ill try something small which i hope will ease my pain: I will test my therapist and deal with whatever comes from her!
Have you ever felt loss?
Like completely losing something or someone?
When everything you cared about was connected to your heartstrings, but it’s being brutally ripped away?
Like you’re being completely isolated from everything worth living for?
Have you ever truly experienced it?
Loss. Honestly I think it’s the worst feeling you could ever imagine.
Your whole body tenses and you just want to scream. And die.
You wake up in hell, and it’s not a dream.
It’s not possible to escape.
It’s fears favorite tool. Complete and utter loss.
You’re afraid you can’t survive on your own and you’re only breathing if your taking […]
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
I was thinking today. That was a mistake.
If I killed myself…
would you (my family and friend <– singular) care?
Nah, you hate me and ignore me anyways.
would anyone care?
No. People just naturally hate me.
Would anyone mind?
Maybe the city sanitation guys. I assume my body would just be thrown away.
Why am I still alive?
nothing good ever happens to me. everyone i know hates me. my friendships dont last. people quit (if they ever do start) understanding. i can't trust anymore.
im a purposeless mistake that no one wants.
How…
did i survive? i shouldnt have
could i be so cold while my body was on fire?
come i hear […]
I die inside so you can smile
I limp to my room so you can run a mile
I wear rags so you can have style
I cry inside so you can play outside in the leaf pile
I can break this family with one phrase
I could end their naive daze
Mom won’t think its just a phase
and it wont just be my heart set ablaze
But quiet ill stay for the sake of them all
I can take the pain no matter how big or small
I can “Trip” down the stairs and fall
I can get hit in the face with a “Soccer ball”
I live in hell so you can live care […]
Tonight I have a goal. I want to smile. I want to smile, have fun, and let everything irrelevant go. I challenge you to try the same. I challenge you to call a friend and talk, make plans, or just catch up. If you want, I will be that friend. Tonight I will leave the house with a smile on my face and stress free. Please try and do the same, I want you all to realize you’re beautiful enough to be smiling and worries will disappear. 😀
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]