Life’s a *****! And then you die! This is sad, but sometimes true and in cases like mine, i have lowered my standards on everything! Happiness, school, friendships! And now, im tired! Im just so sleepy and SCREW medication!
Tag:
Happiness
I have a great life: wonderful friends, supportive family, Ivy-league education, but I am tired of all of this.
I can’t concentrate on my school work. When I read something, I the words flutter across the page and land in a jumbled mess that I can’t decipher; when I’m with friends, their conversations fade in and out, and I can’t follow what’s going on half the time. My parents, although they don’t wish for anything but my happiness, are always concerned about how I am, which makes me even more stressed and I never tell them how I am really feeling, because I think that […]
I’m 15 and I cant understand why I am alive.  Life just seems pointless, we live we get hurt we die. the end
is there something like a point to it ? I understand there’s happiness in live but is it really worth  all the pain we go through?
My heart has been broken so many times I don’t even know if there’s any of it left.  Everyone iv ever loved in my life has been
taken away from me some how, my step dad died of cancer and my mom was taken by drugs and my dad by alcohol . my sisters
following down the same path as my mother. I have a boyfriend who i care […]
Now I know every one who has ever killed himself or herself never had a good reason to do so (according to others). Still they do….. and will go on taking their own life, rejecting this wonderful gift given by God. Maybe to some this gift is not at all a gift. I don’t see it as a gift. For me life had always been a burden. Humanity is not like a Jane Austin book. It is at most times stark ugly and cruel. There are no happy endings in life just some good stuff followed by a lot of  bad stuff, then a good […]
While I am reminiscing on the memories that slowly but sweetly tortures my heart.
With all the thoughts running through my head.
Was there something that could be changed?
And somehow make all the pain that was created to go away
I don’t want you back
I want the happiness you brought to my heart
And knew someone cared
But I guess im not well enough or someone you would love to always be there
Now the days are surely getting harder
And im longing for your thoughts
The way you used to hold me
Did you think that I forgot?
I may not be what you want
But im someone that is begging on my knees
Somehow I […]
plain and simple. I’ve gone through the motions, made people think I’m a positive and happy person, but the overwhelming, undeniable truth is that I’m miserable. I welcome death 95% of the time, wishing it would find me, as I don’t want my children and family dealing with a suicide. I live near a mesa, it’s beautiful, has large cliffs ….what if I could make it look like an accident? Oops, I slipped and plummeted to my death. What a shame. I’ve fantasized about this scenario almost everyday for a year….but every time I make it up to the top my endorphins are pumping from […]
I used to think positively.. I used to believe that everything I could see beyond all the bull the world has put in front of me, of us, was beautiful. I used to admire what beauty the world offered us beyond the structure of tall buildings and society itself, beyond the pure ignorance of these fellow people who believe their opinions should rise above those of anyone else.. I’m simply disgusted. Disgusted that I’ve been alive for the years that I have and still feel like I’ve nothing to show for it. Disgusted that I somehow believed that after all I’ve given with nothing to […]
Hello all, I’m new here. And I’m wondering if anyone else could decipher the above question for me. My (highly depressed) friend and I were talking about it a while ago, but considering we’re both kind of screwed up in the head, we never came to a conclusion. I just… don’t understand how someone can live for him or herself. I admire people who can do that but… I can’t comprehend it.
Maybe it’s cause I’ve lived most of my life trying to live up to people’s expectations (and failing) but… Aren’t we surrounded by attachments – family members, friends etc…? In a sense, don’t we […]
So sick and tired of life. It’s a miserable existence day after day, seven attempts this year and no avail, looking for number eight.
Lost my job, my baby, my marriage, my home….I’m an alcoholic, unemployed, lonely, just don’t want to go on any further.
Don’t want to live with my diagnosis either, I’ll never have a normal life, normal relationship, no nothing. I’ve lost my chance at love, there’s no chance for happiness, my life is an absolute joke.
I’ve got my plan in place and a time…don’t bother with the whole “life is precious” or “God wants you to live”, because if there really is […]
Between all the shitty luck of my life, I’m pretty sure happiness only finds me to remind me how much it hurts to have it ripped away.
I’m so stupid, so naive.
I fell in love with a guy, shocker, I know – someone wants to die because of relationship problems? Well anyway, I fell for this guy immediately… he fell for me too, his life was in shambles – custody battle with the ex, being sued by multiple people for a traffic accident – on the verge of losing his house.
But when we were together, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. We […]
When you left its like you took my happiness with you & left me with all the memories. Every moment we ever spent together replays in my head over & over again. You seem to be all I ever think about. I can’t escape because its all in my head. I wish I could sleep for a long time because when you sleep you don’t feel. I won’t have to feel the pain in my chest or the twisting in my stomach. You’ve moved on & I’m in the same place you left me. Its hard letting go to everything you’ve ever wanted.
Emotions swirling
Happiness, anger, sadness
Which do i feel?
I feel fake
Unloved, unwanted
I am weak
Just a side character
I seek to be noticed
and held
But no one can see me
Amd i transparent? Invisible?
Doesn`t anybody care?
I cry silent tears
and everything i say falls on deaf ears
I am a souless doll
I have no free will
A doll`s emotions are painted on
Artificial
No one knows what the doll wanted
For the doll doesn`t speak for itself
I have to be a Fake person
to be seen
I have to be perfect
not me
I have to live up to
Expectations
not my limits
Everyday my will and emotions leak
From a cut in my being
A cut so deep that not even stitches
Could keep infection out
I […]
I’m trying to adopt a state of mind that centers around human experience; something realistic, rather than negative or positive. Something beyond that simplistic dichotomy. Emotions exist; sadness is no less real than happiness; happiness is no less real than sadness. Pain is no less real than pleasure, and vice versa, and what one might want to describe as “bad,” is not necessarily so. It simply is.
Maybe I should convert to Buddhism.
Anyone know any good monastic sects in the midwest United States?
That’s a joke, by the way. I dislike organized religion. I don’t enjoy having to accept uncertainty, but I dislike blind certainty just as […]
I’m not sure when or how it started. Just the feeling of cracking. Like when your windshield gets hit and cracks start to spider web out further. Another thing hits and the web cracks further. And then another and another until it just breaks completely. I thought about that windshield and how it must hurt, to have those cracks, to be hit so hard like that.
Now I realize that I am that windshield.
My mother cheated on my dad and left him for my (now) step-dad when I was 6. The divorce, which was messy and grisly, was finalized a year later. I had to watch […]
The days get shorter and the darkness gets longer, but somehow I find myself feeling better than I have in weeks. I applied for a writing program and got an unpaid internship. Somehow I know something is going to go wrong and I don’t think I can handle it. I don’t want to handle it. I will overcome that bridge when I come to it. For now though I am going to act like I’m somewhat okay and keep living.
I’m scared of moving on and letting this temporary time of peace go…
Bullying affects soo many people, and some, the way to deal with it is suicide. Some people are brought up in a household where there aren’t happy gatherings, where there is domestic violence, to the woman, and the children are abused, bashed. Some people are lonely. Have no freinds, family, attention. Where the view from their eyes are empty. There are people who are sexual assaulted, raped. Where they are used for sex and torture. There are people who get kidnapped, lets say, kept by a pedo for many years. Where they are tortured with rape, bad living, and are alone with fear. There are […]
So I’ve struggled with depression for years now. I’d say since I was about 13-14. Middle school was when I first contemplated suicide & it was after my very first boyfriend broke up with me. We didn’t date very long & things never got past first base. I’ve always been an emotional person, letting things get to me that shouldn’t.
Well over the years I’ve had my fair share of boyfriends (back to back really), and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ve realized I may have developed some co-dependency issues from the lack of knowing how to be alone. And to this day, guys […]
Alone In This Cruel World That So Many People Call Home While My Thoughts Brutally Attack Themselves
by Miss.Mayhem
written by Miss.Mayhem
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
I guess I didn’t notice I loved you until you held my hand. I didn’t know you loved me until my friend told me what you said. But you don’t know me. You know me….but you really don’t. You think I’m perfect because that’s how I display myself. I make sure I smile and laugh. I make sure not to show any emotion I would regret latter. You just think you love me. You don’t, truth me. Once you find out, you’ll change your mind…they all do.
But if you want to know the truth, fine:
Yes, I do have scars I hide.
No, I’m not the girl […]