I started thinking about the fact that I’m different. By that, I mean that I don’t have any friends at all, and I’m always alone. I’m antisocial because I never had any social skills, not even when I a kid, my mom literally needed to push me out of the house so I could go out and make friends. Making friends was always the hardest thing to do because I was affraid of people and I was affraid they wouldn’t like me. I don’t like people at all – I always have that one tought that everyone is stupid and boring. I also have a […]
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Hardest Thing
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
One day I will get my happy ever after, but I am so tired of waiting for it to come. Â I wanna take everything in to my own hands and have the life that I know I deserve but of coarse I can’t and I wanna know why can’t I have it. Â I dated a guy for 10 years, I mean seriously you would think he would be my happy ever after but wrong. Â He decided that being a crackhead was more important and I just couldn’t do it anymore I was physically and mentally drained. Â 1 week after we break up he has a […]
Waking up–that’s the hardest thing for me to do. I find myself tired all of the time. It’s not so much that I am physically tired as it is that I am mentally tired, and my brain transmits the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and restlessness to the rest of my body. My dreams are a blur… images of things that I can’t get to make sense, my meaningless days played back and forth for my mind to review. Scenes for my brain to recount so it can ask itself, “What went wrong?” and “How the hell did we end up here?” Sleep is supposed to […]
It’s been a few months now and these feeling of harming myself haven’t disappeared. Everything started to pile up on me. My A levels, Uncle dying, Being ill and many other factors. The more I left it or tried to forget the more it grew like a cancer in my mind. I would sit and zone out constantly. Always thinking the worst things. A few weeks ago I finally broke down and told my family what I was feeling, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Everything started to move along, before I knew it I was talking to a doctor about it […]
I DON’T WANT TO LET YOU WIN! I REALLY DON’T! .. but its the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face and it hurts so so bad. I want to fight but only for so long. I want to be better, I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Why can’t it just stop. If there are miracles then why can’t I be blessed with one. I fucking deserve it. Why can’t I just go to the store and end up with my soul mate. Why am I so alone? I don’t know if I’m strong enough anymore. There is still something there though, this little tiny […]
Today marks one year since my dad passed..
its crazy even thinking about it bcuz it feels like it was just yesterday. I will never forget seeing him in his casket at his funeral. That had to be the hardest thing to ever witness or even deal with, but I did it & i’m so proud of myself.
i’ve gotten through so much shit this year ! i’ve accomplished so much, yet made so many mistakes. i’ve messed up so bad at times, but I tried to make him proud the best way I could.
Daddy, i’m so sorry for everything i’ve done, all the mistakes […]
I know this is a page devoted to suicidal feelings, but I’m in a good and sharing mood and am going to try something a little different if anyone’s interested. Basically you just have to send me the letters to you name or a certain word (if you’re uncomfortable giving out your name) and I’ll answer the questions that go with it 🙂
A. WHY MY LAST RELATIONSHIP ENDED.
B. FAVORITE BAND.
C. WHO I LIKE AND WHY I LIKE THEM.
D. HARDEST THING I’VE EVER BEEN THROUGH.
E. MY BEST FRIEND.
F. MY FAVOURITE MOVIE.
G. SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
H. DO I SMOKE/DRINK?
I. HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
J. WHAT I WANT TO BE […]
Tonight, I broke down. It has been almost a month since I began recovering from a yearlong eating disorder that destroyed my life. No therapist, no support from family, just me. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am still going strong. Some moments are good, some are terrible. Tonight was just awful, I couldn’t get myself together. I was sobbing because I lost hope for half a second and I started thinking about everything. I just felt so alone.  I pulled myself together and knew I was going to be okay, sometimes we all fall apart. So at the same […]
I have 5 sisters. My imperfections used to be guarded by my older sister, she’s 18. She rebelled against my family, did very unfortunate things, and next to her I was perfect. Then she was kicked out of the house. With her gone, all my imperfections came to light. I now sit between two perfect sisters. One is 23, the other 15. I am 17 and next to them I feel worthless. They are always better than me. They love better than me, they are more fun than me, and they have a better personality than me. At least that’s what my parents make clear. […]
my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]
my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]
I am starting to realize no matter what u do in life you will never be able to escape life without all the pain that comes with it. Life will be good there for a while and then I will just be knocked down again like I always do.It always happens. I try to hold on to the fact that things will get better and in a couple of months I will look back and realize life is worth living, but I have gone through this so many times I don’t see any hope. I try to keep holding on, but it is the hardest […]
I sent them all a note.
Wrote all the things to explain why i done it to them.
Saying these goodbyes were the hardest thing life could show me.
But they were meant to happen, for i had no future.
Now they can have theirs.
So tomorrow will mark a week that my uncle has been gone. I still cant believe that all of this isnt just a dream. My mom is taking it bad and my grandparents a lot worse…but what about me? It seems like everyone is in there own little world and It doesnt matter to them how I feel. It hurts sooo bad!!! I just want to scream…since I wrote the last time I have thought soo much into doing it…but i wont. I think that this is my way of venting my anger and getting the advice that I need to move on…thank you sooo much […]