I’m so sick of just waking up to what the world has become now. I’m just a ball of hatred building up it’s sickening that society is so absolutely fucking pathetic. I could die right now and no one would even care. I look at the positive, but their are not many things pleasant to look at. I don’t have friends and am not close to anyone, people are all the same. People honestly disgust me on how they act there is no one decent on this fucking world its just self preservation.
Tag:
Hatred
If you really knew me you would know that I was happy. I was surrounded by happiness and laughter. Now I just want to wither away. Everybody who I was close to drifted apart from me and look at me like I’m psycho. If you really knew me you would know that I’m hurting physically and emotionally, I feel numb. Numb is really an understatement but that’s the only way of describing it. If you really knew me you would check my limbs for cuts periodically, Nobody cares enough to do that though. If you really knew me you would know I’m breaking down and […]
what have you taken away?
a fog of pain as memories darken.
once we experienced heaven,
childlike and open,
but your love perished.
a horrific pool of hatred –
thoughts follow night, follow darkness,
love bled dry.
in a storm of tears,
i still love you.
I’ve had this saved for some time now. Realised from the moment I thought it that one day I would use it. My family, especially my parents, have the right to know why I decided to do the unthinkable. They have no idea I’ve been researching it for months. Devious really. This is a material world and I want out.
To My dear loving family
Forgive him all for what he’s done
A departed soul he has become
His pain and suffering so much so
He had no choice but to go
Young, loving and so very proud
But in the end was beaten by deaths dark […]
If think if anyone KNEW the impact their suicide would have on those left behind, I honestly don’t think they would do it. They not only leave us to mourn them, feeling the pain and sorrow because they’re gone, etc. They add so much more to all that. They force upon us guilt, remorse, hatred, confusion, shame,unknowing,alone…anything and everything one could ever feel is thrown at you all at once. What they inflict goes beyond any pain or suffering one feels when a person passes due to a cause that isn’t suicide. You never recover. You can’t. Even if it seems the grief is managed, […]
hi, i’m not a good writer, so i’ll just lay it out. Â im 32, ive spent the last four years busting my ass to get into grad school. I have always been depressed, but I don’t remember much from before my dad died. Last may I found out I was gonna have a son. In Sept my mom died. In Dec my baby was born. This semester was a blur, but I managed to fail the GRE, get rejected from grad school, fail a critical class, but I managed to walk with my class back in may. My aunt has just been diagnosed with […]
My life was great up until 6th grade girls became attractive, any guy who went near my crush became Satan. I was this super overweight, annoying gay guy with no life. Ok guys, sorry to rain on your parade asshole, but I’m straight, blah blah blah, suicide attempt after suicide attempt, failing everytime.
Moving on to 7th grade, my crush sort of became my obsession. She was amazing, and then she rejected me, enter my new friend, cutting. Then my crush became my hatred. Then my crush again. Then I gave up, and started taking interest in a new girl, she was beautiful, with her […]
First let me star off by saying that I am not planning on committing suicide right now. I just do not want to get to that point. I do not know how to express what I am feeling, but I will try to the best of my ability to describe it. I just feel lost, I do not want to do anything anymore. I do not want to move anymore, but I do not want to stay still. I want to live, but I do not want to keep trying to endure this suffering. I have a good family and great friends, just my views […]
They are all the same. My artistry shot through, my ability disjointed. Let it stop. I can’t create anything worth a damn anymore. I have such hatred for you Faithless. I despise you Faithless. And yet perhaps I cannot hate enough. I am still here. Is it the medication? Is it a peverse bond with my dearests? Am I really not that depressed? What am I perhaps? I know what I was; Smart, artsy, witty, social and earning a decent wage. What am I now poor, sad, pathetic, dense and medicated. I was never alone, I will never pretend at that. I still have such […]
It’s dark in here,
I can’t always find the switch or the air to breathe.
My days turn into the hell,
My nights are the blissful peace,
Because it’s the only place where I may really do it this time.
I put those awful pills in my mouth again, the taste was sweet serenity,
I lay back with a razor close to my hand,
I look at those cuts, I hear my heart beat ….
Slowly and surely I hope it’ll work this time.
My note is left on the back of my door,
Please don’t suffer over my longing to be gone,
Be gone from this world, cause it’s no longer a world at all.
The […]
My boyfriend and I just got in a fight. Beginning because I wouldn’t send him pictures. He got mad because I sent ONE to a kid over a year ago, as I went through my freshman slut phase. I told him it was a mistake and not to talk about. But he kept dwelling on it. I started crying because this is what it causing my pain again. People bringing up the old me and bashing on me. He kept asking why I was crying and I just kept telling him he wouldn’t understand. Finally, I reminded him of my depression, which he then reminded […]
I’m no longer myself anymore. I’ve morphed into something so beautiful, yet so fragile. Like a butterfly. I started off as a small egg. Then I was hatched, brought into a world where there were larger things than I. Things that were sure to destroy me. I was pummeled and shown horrors no little caterpillar should. All the while I spent my time absorbing and eating up the words that were viciously thrown at me. I chose to listen. I guess eventually the little caterpillar me had had enough,so I formed walls around me. I was to stay there forever. Safe, and warm, and perfectly […]
I never asked to be born. It’s not like I was given much of a choice. I didn’t choose my parents, my house, the schools I went to or the country in which I live. I’m just here. And everyday it becomes harder for me to accept that. It’s not my fault that I see the world the way I do, or that I hold such feelings of hatred for it. Nothing would make me happier than to see it and everyone in it burn. But no amount of me hoping, ranting or dreaming of that is going to make it happen. So I give […]
You wants to die. There’s no profound reason really. Doubt there is a standard set as to how one should live their adolescent life so it’s rather difficult to say whether or not you had an appropriate childhood. Your just tired. You can’t think straight, Your memory is shot and You can’t say you’ve ever truely loved another. Your mind is a constant cycle of nonsense and paradoxes, You don’t even know the truth anymore. All you know is if this is life you want little if nothing at all to do with it. It’s all a joke. A cruel prank played by fate. Your […]
I’m not loved. Does it matter whether I am getting it or not. The fact is I don’t feel it. And that is a damning realization. I twist this absence into hatred and aim it inwards. What happens after is of no concern to me.
I know love is a conjured idea yet I can’t help what I feel. It could easily be something on a much smaller scale I’ve yet to appreciate.
eveyone tells me i’m a mistake to this world. maybe they’re right, i am. or im just taking things way to seriously but no one understands that words hurt. especially cause i’m really sensitive. people tell me a lot of things that i really can’t argue with. for example ugly, not good enough for anyone or anything, useless, stupid, etc. my bullies were the ones who made me hate my own refelction. and instead of solving my problems, i hide from my problems. i just hate to be put down everyday. everyday is just another day to wake up wanting to die and cry. sometimes i […]
i hate how i cant hate you , i hate how i cant hate you for cheating on me , i hate how i cant hate you for telling me twice that you don’t love me in that way anymore , i hate how i still want you so bad , i hate how you cant feel what i am feeling , Â i hate that you couldn’t feel the pain i was feeling , Â that after a year and a half , Â you just cant love me like that anymore , how one day was so perfect , and then the next , it was […]
i’m sorry about what you all are going through. i’ve had a horrible uncurable mental illness for years.  my life has been pretty cruel. i was subjected to a hate crime that was pretty  much endless. i was happy once but i cannot find it again. my illness is very very cruel, l live with it everyday.  its very painful and hurts me very badly and i also believe i’m going to hell when i die. i’m not a religious person but this world was very harmful. we should believe that life was not supposed to be so HARMFUL to people but it was. i […]
I dont understand, but recently, I hate everyone an everythhing bar a few very personal items. I have facebook and everything on it. I hate all my friends, and I hate my family. I am not sure what started it, but this hatred/disgust, annoyance/pity just fills me when I get around them. Its not one of those hatred that makes me want them to die, but that one where if i had the option to leave I would and never look back. Im just done. Eerything seems like crap nowadays, and I cant bring myself to care about anything bar my parents, my dog and […]
why? it’s a question I am always asking myself
why am I doing this?
why do I want to be perfect?
why me?
why am I different?
why do people treat me like this?
why do I harm myself?
why do I hate myself?
why do other people hate me?
and I don’t know how to answer any of them, but they’re always there haunting me, making me hate myself for what I do, make me hate everyone else for not caring enough to notice me, make me hate my life and causing me to inflict more self harm. It is a never ending circle, one I feel I will never escape, […]