I don’t know if anyone remembers my last post, titled numb. Basically i explained what happens when i go numb. I cut off all feeling, i am in a haze, it takes so much energy to pull out for 30 min. so i can act okay. But i sink deeper and deeper until i cut, and then i’m fine again. i haven’t cut since March, and I’ve been okay. Until now. I’m starting to fall again, and i don’t know why. The only person i can talk to is my friend Skye, because she the only person i know and trust at my new school. […]
Shift yourself from this grave..side to side ..consider yourself for the first time in a millennia. Look up to the sky..consider you’ll live again.
Drifting up from your sleep..in a haze to what the world has become. Shake a breath for the wind..show no fear for the light…and slowly breath in.. Exhale!
Search for strength, beneath your bleeding heart. Behind the crimson lines you’ve drawn tighter still. Reset trap door thoughts of letting the world collide with the emptiness inside. Hold on..dare to hold on..hold on tight to life even when the lines break from their binds.
Hold onto your hope so tight. Dampen the screams […]
Faking it.
From the outside I have it all. Unfortunately my mind is plagued with trauma, depression, and intense anxiety… leaving me in an existential haze in order to cope; I am merely going through the motions. I used my looks and my body to get through college and thought I would regain my sanity afterwards, but thats not the case. I now have a useless degree, too many therapists, lost a soul mate, and a mind that won’t cease come nightfall. […]
It seems that when I was I was honest with myself, I at least had the comfort of knowing that I could maybe fix the problem. I feel hopeless and feel like I still lie to myself. I’m in disastrous relationships. Plural. And I don’t have my family around to being me down to earth or make me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve ruined my relationship with my best friend from high school and I don’t really talk to anyone except my boyfriend anymore and maybe my parents from time to time. I encircle myself with “friends†I do not feel suit me anymore. […]
I never thought I could feel this way. Missed connections. That alone was the miraculous thing. How and why did it turn out this way… I will never understand.
I feel like I’m missing the ability to form human connections.
I’ve been floating in this haze of the present for too long without doing anything useful, so I’m giving it one last shot. One final push before calling it quits. One final try to get back on my feet before I say fuck it and give up. Either way, I won’t be coming back here. Either because I succeeded, or because I failed, it’s irrelevant and will be irrelevant to everyone here by next week. It has nothing to do with the people here; I love you guys. That just brings me back to that […]
This song is really close to home for me, I thought a lot of you could probably relate.
Am I just floating around in this moment of time and space? It makes me wonder. A state of mind, ’cause I’m just fading away, and my head is lost up in the satellites. I’m so far and gone to ever get it right. Through unseeing eyes, day dreaming again.
Eternity is seemingly an endless waiting. Lost in forever. Eternally, a limitless time. It’s never ending. I’m lost in forever.
Am I just hanging around all alone in my mindless haze? It takes me under. […]
I just came across this site this afternoon. It’s actually the exact sort of place I had always looked for before, when the darkness always took over. Any time I googled anything about suicide, it was always for help, for “don’t do it” articles, for getting over depression. I realized somewhere along the way, this isn’t something you “get over”, it is always with us. True, it has been a while (less than a year…which is a very long time for me) since I’ve been there, drowning in that blood-red sea with no sign of hope on the horizon, but it’s still in me. I […]
numbness of the mind
rots inside its self
begging you to be kind
only to yourself
i want what i cant have
numbness makes me aware of this
another threatening stab
killing whats left
god why?god why? god why?!?!
I don’t what is wrong with me as I sit here all I can think about is killing myself and how I would do it. I don’t think I have a reason to want to kill myself. I just can’t it out of my head. Just seeing the blood running out of my body and the sleepy haze that comes with it. I just don’t know why I want to do it or keep thinking about it. What do I do?
I write a lot of poetry that comes from within when I can no longer express myself clearly. It can be what I’m doing at the moment or what’s pulsing inside. It must get out. I used to draw by hand and every blue moon I will draw one thing. But my art is not what it used to be. I am not what I used to be.
My drawing as a kid at in school got me in trouble. I did it during class when what I was learning didn’t interest me. Teachers would take my notebook, or scold me. One kept my notebook […]
Who do I tell? Everyone has their own fallouts, their own personal tragedies to battle with. Even the ones that don’t have cracks in their windshields have no mileage on their speedometer; they haven’t the time to slow down and pick up a hitchhiker. It’s understandable. I can’t truly decide whether I could stand to let myself be carried along anyway, becoming the problem in someone else’s existence. The bump in the road that needs to be filled in, poured up with concrete until it is as smooth and solid as they go. It never seems like it is out of choice, and when it […]
This place is so familiar, this place that I always come back to. Chainsmoking my way through a lonely night, endlessly surfing the net to distract my mind. Radio, TV, Twitter, facebook, scroling scrolling, clicking clicking – only turning off the light when I know that sleep will be instantaneous.
I’ve tried blaming it on circumstance, the balance in my bank account, my parents marriage, failed relationships…but this thing, this thing is always with me. I move and it comes with me, I hide, it finds me, I embrace it and it kills me.
I don’t know what it is, restless fatigue and itchy bones […]
i can’t seem to put into words exactly how i feel. I’m 26 and alone. Grade A (or F) loser. No car, job, friends. I have no drivers license. I’ve never had one. Had a girlfriend once. Only person I opened up to, but still withheld a lot. Wasn’t very ambitious in life. Don’t blame her for leaving me. Spent most of my life in a haze it seems. Ready to die may do it this weekend. Tried killing myself seven months ago by charcoal burning. Room got to hot and I blacked out woke up outside of hotel room. Felt stupid and even worse […]
I just registered for this site, like, literally five minutes ago, and I must say, I’m still a little overwhelmed that a website like this even exists (in a good way(I think)).
I guess I’ll just say it… approximately eight months ago, I tried to kill myself.
I’ve been struggling with severe clinical depression since I was 8 years old. The fact that I was considered a social pariah at school didn’t help matters. I have a recorded IQ of 145, but I was failing almost every class. I was capable of getting a 4.0, but I ended up graduating with a 2.6. I just stopped caring. […]